Here's an interesting compilation of questions you don't hear Mormon men getting asked, but ones that Mormon women hear all too frequently. How can this list help us be more considerate and more accepting in the future?
As a life-long member of the Church I’ve been involved in and have witnessed many casual conversations in foyers, cultural halls, classroom, and in a variety of social situations. I’ve also worked with many LDS psychotherapy clients who have recounted hundreds of conversations with fellow Church members to me. Through the years, I’ve noticed certain patterns, even in seemingly benign small talk, that send powerful cultural messages regarding gender, potential, life decisions, and worth. These patterns became even more apparent after I got married and observed the kinds of questions directed to me in comparison to my husband.
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Although never (or very, very rarely) meant to be intentionally judgmental, the questions we ask, and to whom we direct our questions, often contain powerful cultural assumptions. Seemingly benign questions have the potential to convey a disapproving and limiting message. To illustrate, I’ve compiled a list of 30 things that female clients, female friends and family members, or I have been asked some version of…but that no one has ever asked my husband.
- Why do you want to go on a mission?
- You got married so young and still graduated from college? You must have an incredibly supportive wife.
- Your wife has a good job, so why do you work?
If the demands of the day-to-day leave you feeling overworked, overwhelmed, and exhausted, you may be suffering from an all-too-common malady prevalent among Mormon women: emotional burnout. With such perceived cultural pressure to “do it all,” how can a woman balance the desire to serve others with caring for her own personal needs?
As a wife, mother, clinical counselor, and musician, author Julie de Azevedo Hanks understands better than most the demands placed on women in the Church, and she has spent years providing clinical counseling to Latter-day Saint women and families. The Burnout Cure dispels common cultural myths that often leave women feeling “never good enough.” Through scriptural quotes, personal stories, and clinical examples, Hanks offers a bevy of tools designed to help sisters identify and meet their emotional needs, to accept their limitations, to let go of the guilt and perfectionism, and to lean on the Lord.
