Ask Dr. Elia: Losing a spouse

Dear Dr. Elia,

A few months ago I lost my spouse to cancer at a fairly young age.

Our kids are still in the pre-school age. I have really struggled with losing my best friend, the love of my life and the mother of my children. I know my kids are too young and will not remember their mom and what a great person she was. My faith has been shaken to its core, even though I was raised in an active LDS home. I haven't felt like going to church. I'm just barely surviving, trying to take care of my little ones. I know generally that people mean well, but frankly I don't find it helpful when they say, "It must have been God's will," "She was probably needed on the other side," or "In time you'll know why this happened!" Honestly all these comments make me want to never show up at church again. None of them bring me comfort — they make me even more upset.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated,

Lost and confused

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