11110

Dave Says: Move Away or Set Family Boundaries?

by | May 28, 2013

Finances

11110

Dear Dave,

I live outside Houston with my wife and our 9-month-old daughter. I’ve received a job offer from a company on the other side of the city that would pay, with bonuses, $25,000 a year more than I’m currently making. This would require moving to a new house and away from our extended family. My wife wants to move because my mom can be a little overbearing. I understand how she feels, but I’m not certain I want to move or take a new job. What’s your advice?

David

Dear David,

I’m not so sure this is a job change question as much as it is about the state of your relationships. I know it’s hard to keep the grandparents away when there’s a baby in the house; that kind of goes with the territory. But I can also understand how lots of unexpected visits and unsolicited advice can wear on a person.

If it were me, I wouldn’t change jobs just to run from something. My advice is to try setting boundaries in your relationships with your parents instead of installing geographical boundaries. You might want to pick up a copy of Dr. Henry Cloud’s great book Boundaries. Remember, your mom may not realize she’s intruding on your lives. This book is full of insight, and it will give you both some good advice on how to manage relationships in a healthy, loving way.

Like I said, I really don’t feel this is a job-move issue. I think you guys just need to establish some fair and reasonable emotional distance between yourselves and your family.

—Dave

* Dave Ramsey is America’s trusted voice on money and business. He’s authored four New York Times best-selling books: Financial Peace, More Than Enough, The Total Money Makeover and EntreLeadership. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 6 million listeners each week on more than 500 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.

Comments and feedback can be sent to feedback@ldsliving.com