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The One Question That Saved My Marriage

What a beautiful thought from Richard Paul Evans: "Real love is not to desire a person, but to truly desire their happiness—sometimes, even, at the expense of our own happiness. Real love is not to make another person a carbon copy of one’s self. It is to expand our own capabilities of tolerance and caring, to actively seek another’s well being. All else is simply a charade of self-interest."

My oldest daughter, Jenna, recently said to me, “My greatest fear as a child was that you and mom would get divorced. Then, when I was 12, I decided that you fought so much that maybe it would be better if you did.” Then she added with a smile. “I’m glad you guys figured things out.”

For years, my wife, Keri, and I struggled. Looking back, I’m not exactly sure what initially drew us together, but our personalities didn’t quite match up. And the longer we were married the more extreme the differences seemed. Encountering “fame and fortune” didn’t make our marriage any easier. In fact, it exacerbated our problems. The tension between us got so bad that going out on book tour became a relief, though it seems we always paid for it on re-entry. Our fighting became so constant that it was difficult to even imagine a peaceful relationship. We became perpetually defensive, building emotional fortresses around our hearts. We were on the edge of divorce and more than once we discussed it.

I was on book tour when things came to a head. We had just had another big fight on the phone and Keri had hung up on me. I was alone and lonely, frustrated and angry. I had reached my limit.

Lead image from Getty Images.

Read more of Richard Paul Evans' work with The Walk, Book 5: Walking on Water.

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A year earlier, Seattle advertising executive Alan Christoffersen lost everything he held dear—his beloved wife was killed in a terrible accident; his partner stole his business from him; and the bank foreclosed on his home when he couldn’t pay the mortgage. With seemingly nothing left to live for, Alan set out to walk from Seattle to the farthest point on the map, Key West. And now, after walking more than two thousand miles on a journey filled with surprises, dangers, and revelations, he approaches his destination—and the most important decision of his life.

Read the rest of this story at www.faithit.com
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