What Do You Value? How to Conduct a Couple’s Values Inventory
It may seem like you don’t know the person you’re married to anymore, but it’s likely that your spouse is still more familiar than you think. One way to spark conversation and connect with your significant other is to conduct a couple’s values inventory. Before starting, make sure you understand that values are not goals, nor are they a destination. Rather, values provide direction and motivation. One good example of this distinction is that “temple marriage” is not necessarily a value; “commitment,” “fidelity,” and “family” are the values that underlie the wish for a temple marriage. Other examples of values are things like “spirituality,” “connection,” “integrity,” or “respect.”Once you feel prepared, follow these directions:
1. Each spouse needs a sheet of paper and a pencil.
2. Write as many of the values you hold that you can think of without looking at your spouse’s paper.
3. Once you both feel finished, compare your lists; circle any values you both wrote and add any values from your spouse’s list that you like.
4. Compare your completed lists—and remember to focus on the similarities.