Helping with the Parents

Dear Dave,

A couple of years ago my parents got into a big financial mess. They filed bankruptcy, and had to give up their house. Now, they live on a fixed income of $2,220 a month, and my dad is not in good health. My wife and I help them out with a little money each month, but my sister and her husband don't do much for them. Do you think I should lean on her a little bit in an effort to make her pitch in and help?

Randy

Dear Randy,

If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you can't make another adult behave. The only person you can control is the one you look at in mirror every morning. Now, should a son or daughter want to help their parents, especially if one is in poor health, and the money's tight? Absolutely! But family relationships are strange animals. Your sister and her husband may have some bruised feelings from something that happened years ago, or they may be having money problems of their own. At this point, all you can do is try to gauge their interest in this idea.

For starters, I'd suggest working up a monthly budget on your parents. I'm talking about a simple, one-page document, and show it to your sister and her husband. Let them know that mom and dad need a little help, and ask if they'd be willing to join you guys by chipping in a little money each month to help out your parents. Present the idea as you guys partnering with each other to help out, and be sure you don't get into any finger-wagging, or lectures about responsibility. That kind of stuff is a real turn off, and it can get thrown back in your face in a hurry!

- Dave

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helping parents

Mary in Central Wisconsin

When Dave said, "create a budget" I thought he was going to say, "and work with the parents." My husband and I live on just about that same amount as was mentioned in the letter. So, instead of the writer working on the sister, perhaps he should work on the parents with a budget.