LDS Living

Family Home Avenging

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:14:00 -0600

source: middle-agedmormonman.blogspot.com

MR says: This dad's likening of Book of Mormon prophets to the Avengers is kind of funny. We liked it. Last night I finally took the entire family to see The Avengers. For FHE. What? Yes, once in a while we go crazy on Monday night. It can't all be profound teaching and testimonies. It was also nice to go a week without singing Book of Mormon Stories, complete with hand actions.

The movie? I enjoyed it. Ten seconds of Hulk vs. Loki was worth the price of admission. Add to that a soda and popcorn, and you can't go wrong. My EC liked it too.

Young men need mentors to realize and fulfill their duty to God

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:12:00 -0600

source: ldschurchnews.com

Leaders of young men throughout the Church enjoy a sacred privilege and opportunity to help the boys they serve to realize and fulfill their duty to God.

That was the message emphasized at the May 10 spring training for Young Men adult leaders. The annual training originated from the Bountiful (Utah) Regional Center and was broadcast via the web to congregations of Young Men leaders around the world.

Viewpoint: Making the most of the Mormon Moment

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:05:00 -0600

source: universe.byu.edu

My last companion in Australia was Elder William Hopoate — one of the most famous rugby all-stars in Australia. When he turned down millions of dollars to serve a Mormon mission, it went viral. As we served together, I realized his influence did much more than simply touch the people he came in contact with. His good example and selfless sacrifice affected the general public’s opinion of the LDS faith. The people in Australia are more receptive to the gospel of Jesus Christ because, for perhaps the first time, they were able to see the Church in an incredibly positive way through the media.

Church Honored in Spain for Blood Drive Promotion

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:03:00 -0600

source: Newsroom.lds.org

The Spanish Federation of Blood Donors in Spain is honoring The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) for its positive contribution to improve people’s lives through the donation of blood. This is the second time the Church has been awarded the National Merit in Blood Donation for its involvement, commitment and generosity to save lives. The first time was in 1996.

Brazilian Youth Connect Family History, Temple Work

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:01:00 -0600

source: news.lds.org

José A. Moscão was noticing a trend: the youth who were coming to the Campinas Brazil Temple had a lot of “down time.”

Brother Moscão, the director of the family history center located adjacent to the Campinas Temple, knew that because of the distance many youth had to travel to get to the temple, most came in caravans and stayed for several days. The time between their sessions in the baptistry and meals and waiting for their parents and leaders who were participating in other temple ordinances couldn’t be avoided.

But maybe, he thought—or rather, he felt—he could offer the youth an alternative to wandering the temple grounds whenever they had some free time.

So he did.

Saints in Mexico Learn from Apostle’s Visit

Tue, 22 May 2012 11:59:00 -0600

source: news.lds.org

Mexico holds a special place in the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The first Mormon missionaries to visit Mexico in 1876 found a people ready to hear the gospel, and in 2004 Mexico became the first country outside the United States to reach a membership of 1,000,000 Latter-day Saints.

Visiting Puebla, Mexico City, and Monterrey in April 2012, Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counseled members, leaders, and missionaries in various meetings.

Mormon temple in Carmel will be a draw

Tue, 22 May 2012 11:42:00 -0600

source: indystar.com

A new Mormon temple that will begin rising in Carmel this fall will draw not only the curious, but potentially thousands of faithful pilgrims across the state.

Officials with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are likely to re-draw geographic boundaries that currently send about 42,000 Mormons to temples in Chicago and Louisville, Ky.

That means some members who live in the northern stakes (there are 11 such areas in Indiana) may get redirected away from Chicago toward Carmel, where Indiana's first Mormon temple will be built a block west of U.S. 31 on 116th Street.

Stay-at-home mothers find challenge, reward in raising their children

Tue, 22 May 2012 09:55:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

When she turned in a job application, Nichole Whiting always knew what the job entailed. The exception is her current position: Stay-at-home mom, which many feel isn't work at all. It has been, she said, the most rewarding and challenging of positions.

The New York City woman has come to view being a mom as a profession. She looks at her day and its productivity and output, what she accomplished and what her goals are, both short-term and long-term. Like any job she's ever thrived in, it requires networking, sharpening all her skills, doing research. And her college degree and previous jobs all help her in her efforts to be the best mom she can and to help her children mature and thrive.

Mormon Media Observer: Are Mormons really more successful in business?

Tue, 22 May 2012 09:52:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

MR says: Do you think Mormons especially excel in business? Steve Martin isn’t a Latter-day Saint. Neither is Adam Sandler. Neither is Apple’s Tim Cook, nor Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg.

But many well-known people are.

It seems a common tactic in the news media to pick successful Latter-day Saints and hold them up as examples of how the LDS faith is succeeding in the world at some profession or other.

This seems especially true of business reporting.

Why I'm a Mormon

Tue, 22 May 2012 09:49:00 -0600

source: cityweekly.net

MR says: The review is a little edgy, but the author is sincere and convincing. I normally try to avoid hearing what other people think about a book before reviewing it—but in the case of Why I’m a Mormon, someone else’s reaction was the reason I wanted to read it. I was in a Deseret Book store in Bountiful when a man picked up a copy from the display table, noted Democratic Sen. Harry Reid was one of the 53 essayists, and said in a loud voice, “Harry Reid, huh? I wonder what he has to say for himself!” He got laughs from the other patrons. Everybody understood. What was a leader from the party of abortion and gay marriage doing in an LDS book?

From that moment, I couldn’t wait to get a copy. On the flip side, the glares I got while reading it at a Salt Lake City Beans & Brews are a story for another day.

Elder Bednar’s Promise

Tue, 22 May 2012 09:44:00 -0600

source: segullah.org/blog/

I started indexing this year, after my stake president talked about it in conference. It was a steep learning curve for me at first; I felt clumsy deciphering the handwriting and stressed about entering wrong information and wrecking the index for some poor searcher. But I’ve gotten better at it, and now I like wondering about the stories behind the names. The 67-year old widower I indexed this morning, who lives alone. How long ago did his wife die, and did they have children?

LDS missionaries help with N.C. Day of Service food drive

Tue, 22 May 2012 09:42:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

LDS missionaries provided hours of service during the multi-city, dual-stake Day of Service here this year.

Mormon missionaries helped unload and sort donations at food bank drop-off cites throughout the area.

The Disciple of Christ and Politics

Tue, 22 May 2012 09:37:00 -0600

source: mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com

In a recent post I talked about the Church and the various political parties. In this post, I want to focus more on the duties of individual disciples who also want to be politically engaged citizens.

Jesus taught us that we should render to God the things that were God's while giving Caesar his due as well. (Luke 20:25) That clearly implies that we have a dual responsibility to be citizens as well as disciples, and in our day, the First Presidency has encouraged us to be engaged and involved politically.

Bloggernacle Back Bench: Introducing two new Q&A tools

Tue, 22 May 2012 09:35:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

Last week I saw a tweet fly by from @ldschurch: “A new online resource will help answer gospel questions about our faith and bring others to Christ.” I was intrigued. Clicking in, I found a page dedicated to “Answering Gospel Questions,” which includes some timely “Principles for Answering Gospel Questions” including this great counsel: "Be nice." And "Learn from each other." And even “Be comfortable not knowing all of the answers. If you don’t know the answer, it is OK to say so. Tell the person that you would like to follow up with them when you have had the chance to study more about their question.”

My husband Alex Boye receives worldwide feedback from Book of Mormon Challenge

Tue, 22 May 2012 09:33:00 -0600

source: deseretnews.com

My husband Alex Boye gets to sing on the beautiful red cliffs of St. George with the Piano Guys.

I get to sing "Wheels on the Bus."

Alex wipes his feet on the welcome mat of the producer's mansion before entering.

You know what I wipe.

Living with Same-sex Attraction: Our Story

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:05:00 -0600

by Ty and Danielle Mansfield
source: LDSLiving.com

MR says: In 2003, Ty Mansfield wrote an essay for a class at BYU about how he—a member of the Church who has experienced same-sex attraction—had found peace through the gospel of Jesus Christ. That essay resulted in a book, In Quiet Desperation, that made Ty's private struggle public. In 2011 he published an anthology on the same topic, Voices of Hope: Latter-day Saint Perspectives on Same-Gender Attraction.

Editor's note:

Same-sex attraction is a sensitive and complex issue. We feel it is important to try to understand how we can better meet the needs of friends, family, and Church members who experience SSA. Ty and Danielle graciously shared the following story as a first step in creating a more open dialogue about same-gender attraction in the LDS community. We are in no way suggesting marriage is a catch-all solution; we recognize everyone’s experience is different. This is simply one man’s story of finding fulfillment and happiness while living in harmony with the gospel.

I hadn’t originally intended to be so open about my feelings of same-sex attraction. When I was first approached about the possibility of including some thoughts in In Quiet Desperation, I was hesitant. Although I had worked through a crisis of faith around the issue and felt a lot of peace, I was quite private about whom I opened up to. I still felt some shame given the cultural taboo around it and I was concerned about how people would respond.

However, I also knew that through my experience I had gained some spiritual insights I hoped could be of help to others. I agreed to tell my story with the assumption that, if it were published, I would use a pseudonym. I felt trust in the love the Lord had for me and in the path I was on, but I didn’t have the same trust in people, given the climate of cultural attitudes around this issue. The thought of blowing the doors off my privacy felt so overwhelmingly vulnerable that I just didn’t feel I could go there.

As the book was going through the editing process, the theme of being a witness started to show up more frequently in my personal scripture study. I kept thinking of Alma’s declaration that covenant disciples are to “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that [they] may be in” (Mosiah 18:9). The Spirit impressed upon me that the power of my witness would be diminished if I used anything other than my real name. I felt there was only one right choice for me in that particular situation.

On Marriage

I had pretty much concluded that I probably wouldn’t marry in this life, and I had come to a place where I was okay with that. I had let go of any personal or cultural pressure to marry and was content to stay single. Then I had an experience in which I felt prompted to continue to prepare myself spiritually and emotionally for the blessing of marriage and leave the rest to the Lord. As much as I felt I wouldn’t marry, I tried to leave it an open question and to trust in God. I felt good about that spiritually, but I continued to experience some emotional ups and downs.

Some time after that, I was earnestly seeking additional divine guidance. I was feeling frustration around some deep emotional connections I had developed with another guy, and it hurt that I couldn’t have what a part of me really wanted. I needed some spiritual reassurance. It was general conference time, so I wrote down some of my most heartfelt questions and went into the Saturday morning session fasting.

As soon as the opening prayer was given, I was completely enveloped by this spiritual feeling. I hardly remember anything that was said during the session, but the feeling was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. For nearly two hours, all the hurt, the pain, the confusion, the frustration were completely gone. In their place was this feeling of divine love I had also never experienced. As a part of that, there was a feeling of what I perceived as pure celestial love and desire to be with a daughter of God in the most holy, connected, and uniting of ways. The world’s portrayal of love and romance seemed so shallow and “false” in comparison. With the feeling came the words: “Just stay with me. If you do, this is the feeling you will someday feel—and it will be a permanent part of your being.” And then suddenly, as the end of the session approached, the feeling left. I didn’t know how I would eventually grow into that feeling as an integral part of my being, but I trusted that God would lead me there.

I experienced some gradual change over time as I continued to try to stay close to and be led by the Spirit and as I sought other various means of personal growth. As I did so, I went from believing I probably wouldn’t marry in this life, to believing I probably would marry but later rather than sooner, to then believing it would be sooner rather than later, until I finally met Danielle and had a strong impression that she was the woman I would marry.

In this area and so much of my life, I feel I’ve had to live the principle President Boyd K. Packer taught of going to “the edge of the light and [stepping] into the darkness to discover that the way is lighted ahead for just a footstep or two” (That All May Be Edified (1982), 340). We have to put Him first today, taking the necessary steps of faith today, and simply trust Him to take care of tomorrow. It’s only been through my learning and living that principle that the Lord has slowly been revealing to me His plan for my life.

Dave Says: The Point of Life Insurance

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: LDSLiving.com

MR says: Why will the cost of my term life insurance increase to $4,000 per year at the end of the term?

Dear Dave,

I have a 20-year level term life insurance policy. I noticed the other day that the cost would increase to $4,000 per year at the end of the term. Is that because it’s the end of the policy coverage or something else?

Tate

Dear Tate,

Technically, the policy will expire at the end of the term. But most companies that sell term life insurance will let you renew it, if you can’t get any other insurance, at a ridiculously high rate. But let’s face it, 20 years down the road your probability of death has also increased. The older you are, statistically speaking, the more likely you are to die.

If it were me, and I’m near the end of that policy, I’d go buy another 20-year level term policy, and let the old one run out. The only time you might run into trouble with a policy like that is if you were in the last year of coverage, and were diagnosed with a terminal illness. Then you’re really going to be paying through the nose to keep your coverage intact.

But the real point of a 20-year level term policy is to ensure that your family is taken care of while the kids are at home and your mortgage is covered if you die prematurely. If you follow my plan, you’ll have $500,000 to $1 million your retirement account when the policy runs out and the kids are gone. Plus, you’ll have taken a 15-year mortgage, and your house will be paid off too. If something happens then, your spouse will be okay financially.

The further along in life you get, assuming you do the stuff I teach, the less need you’ll have for life insurance!

—Dave

Dave Ramsey is America’s most trusted voice on money and business. He’s authored four New York Times best-selling books: Financial Peace, More Than Enough, The Total Money Makeover and EntreLeadership. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 5 million listeners each week on more than 500 radio stations. Follow Dave on Twitter at @DaveRamsey and on the web at daveramsey.com.

How Long Does Dehydrated or Freeze-dried Food Last after Opening?

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:04:00 -0600

by Emergency Essentials
source: LDSLiving.com

MR says: Learn just how far you can stretch those precious cans and packets of food storage by considering quality of food and exposure to air, heat, and light.

When the time comes to use your food storage items - either in an emergency or in your day-to-day meal planning - one thing you'll want to know is the shelf life of your items once they have been opened. Knowing how long you have to use dehydrated or freeze-dried foods after opening them will ensure that your food storage is put to its best use and none of your storage efforts (or money) will be wasted.

There are a few factors that determine how long food will last after it is opened. They include the following:

The quality of the food at the time it is opened

The degree to which food is exposed to oxygen and moisture

The degree to which food is exposed to heat and light

The quality of the food at the time it is opened:

The older food storage gets and the more it is subjected to fluctuating temperatures (below freezing and above 80 degrees), the more the quality of the food will be affected.

The degree to which food is exposed to oxygen and moisture:

As soon as a storage container is opened, the food inside is exposed to air. Air contains both oxygen and moisture, both of which will affect the shelf life of your food. The higher the humidity (moisture content) of the air, the faster the product quality (nutrition and taste) will decrease.

The degree to which food is exposed to heat and light:

Temperature greatly affects the speed at which food deteriorates. The higher the temperature is, the faster the quality (nutrition and taste) declines and the shorter the time food stays edible and safe. Since many organisms require light to grow, exposure to light also causes deterioration.

As a general rule, food stored in a #10 can or a bucket, depending on the above factors, may stay good up to one year after opening. Use your best judgment in deciding which food items to use. One way to determine if food is still of acceptable quality is to verify that it smells normal. Another way is to taste it or cook with it. If the quality of the finished product is satisfactory, continue to use it. Although food will lose nutritive value over time, old food retains some caloric and mineral value. It may have some life-sustaining ability remaining. The information below includes general guidelines intended to help make an educated decision. Each situation is unique due to many contributing factors.

Recommendations:

Before and after opening your food storage, you can prolong its shelf-life by eliminating the adverse affects listed above. Store your food in the coolest, darkest and most airtight environment possible.

Consider the following options to extend the life of food once the container has been opened:

-Pour what has not been used into a zip-top freezer bag and seal the bag. Place the bagged food back into the can and replace the lid (to eliminate light).

-Pour the remaining food into Snapware containers, which offer an airtight seal.

-Commercially available sealers can create an airtight environment. Put the food back into the can with the plastic lid secured.

-Generally speaking, refrigeration or frozen storage can extend the life of food. If you do not have much refrigeration or frozen storage space, use a pantry, cupboard, etc.

Making the effort to store food for an emergency will be priceless to you if and when you need it. Taking these small extra steps will ensure that your investment will last and be the best quality possible for you and your family in a time of need.

Relating to Your Son or Daughter Experiencing Same-gender Attraction: Advice to Parents

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:02:00 -0600

by M. Catherine Thomas
source: LDSLiving.com

MR says: In conjunction with today's featured article, "Our Story: Living with Same-sex Attraction" by Ty and Danielle Mansfield (click here to read), we offer this excerpt specifically for LDS parents of children who experience homosexual feelings.

The following is an excerpt from Voices of Hope: Latter-day Saint Perspectives on Same-Gender Attraction, taken from the chapter “Perspectives for Parents.” Click here to learn more.

Listening

As we look to our child, we may find it possible to identify some ways in which we have unwittingly made life more difficult for our child; and then we may consider offering a detailed apology. This is self-care as well as child care because our spirit knows when we have not measured up in a relationship; to heal ourselves, we have to come clean in the relationship. During this apology we will not mention the child’s failings, only our own. We will humbly ask forgiveness and ask how we can be more helpful. We will listen undefensively, as dispassionately as we can. Healing communication can then begin. Then, in addition to much listening, we may be able to share with our child, as time goes on, some points of view that can reassure both our child and us.

Shame and Guilt

Our child will likely be suffering from shame and feelings of unworthiness, even if he has not chosen to express his same-gender attraction sexually. He may have felt directly or indirectly the negativity, sometimes amounting to hatred and vitriol, being poured out, even by some members of the Church, on people dealing with same-gender attraction. His feelings of shame will interfere with his ability to draw close to the Lord for comfort.

Following are responses that two people have had as they have confronted both shame and guilt over their same-gender feelings and the issue of sex. A young LDS woman in her thirties who has just begun coming to terms, after a fifteen-year struggle, with her feelings of attraction for other women, and is wondering what this means for her, wrote me the following about her perception that, at their inception, same-gender feelings do not seem intrinsically sexual.

“It’s not about sex. Other people think that those who might be/are gay are struggling with immoral thoughts/feelings and behaviors. But what you will hear across the board is that the first feeling is that ‘I am different.’ As other teenagers or young adults start to explore with giddiness their crushes and dreamy thoughts of an ideal future, those with same-gender attraction start to try to figure out what is wrong with them. I think THIS is the battlefront.

“They begin to feel shame over their nonsexualized attraction to the same gender, where heterosexuals are encouraged in that attraction, understood, given boundaries to work within, etc. Ultimately, heterosexuals can find legitimate physical/sexual expression for that attraction, but many same-gender-attracted people freeze in that shame—never drifting to immoral thoughts/feelings/behavior, but having no route, or reroute, for that part of themselves—and begin to internalize this struggle.”

Another LDS young man who deals with this challenge wrote similarly:

“The shame is a huge problem. . . . I had similar feelings of being ‘different’ when I was younger, and while I occasionally fantasized about being physically close with other boys, I don’t recall it ever feeling sexual until well into high school—and even then I was so afraid of those feelings that I never allowed myself to acknowledge them. More often than not, I just wanted to feel close to other guys, or I would allow myself to overfocus on qualities in them I felt I lacked, and wanted, in myself.

“I remember once wanting to give my best friend a hug when I saw him, and he looked at me funny and asked if I was gay. That was in fourth grade, I think. All I knew about ‘gay’ was that it was bad, and the shame I felt in that moment led me to tenaciously avoid any behaviors that might be perceived that way. I disowned a lot of parts of my personality, and it’s only been in my adulthood that I’ve been learning to reclaim, reintegrate those parts, and learn to love men in the deep and intimate and healthy ways I only ever wanted anyway.”

Caring for your child would include helping him to let go of shame for the feelings themselves and reassuring him of the Lord’s love. Many people who experience same-gender attraction find that, despite the fact that they are dealing with a set of deeply disconcerting feelings, they can exist in a loving relationship with the Lord in the same system of faith, repentance, and having the Holy Ghost that anyone else can. In this way they are able to embrace a sense of worthiness that allows them to move forward spiritually as they manage these feelings within the bounds the Lord has set.

Elder Holland wrote on making the distinction between feelings and behavior: “While same-gender attraction is real, there must be no physical [sexual or romantic] expression of this attraction. The desire for physical gratification does not authorize immorality by anyone. Such feelings can be powerful, but they are never so strong as to deprive anyone of the freedom to choose worthy conduct. In saying this, let me make it clear that attractions alone, troublesome as they may be, do not make one unworthy.”

Labeling

People tend to behave according to the way they see themselves. Help him to take care with the labels he puts on himself. Lift your child’s sights to a vision of who he really is. Elder Dallin H. Oaks offers this counsel to a parent about what he might say to his child:

“You’re my son. You will always be my son, and I’ll always be there to help you. . . .

“Homosexuality . . . is not a noun that describes a condition. It’s an adjective that describes feelings or behavior. I encourage you, as you struggle with these challenges, not to think of yourself as a ‘something’ or ‘another,’ except that you’re a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and you’re my son, and that you’re struggling with challenges. . . .

“You’ve described a particular kind of challenge that is very vexing. It is common in our society and it has also become politicized. But it’s only one of a host of challenges men and women have to struggle with, and I just encourage you to seek the help of the Savior to resist temptation and to refrain from behavior that would cause you to have to repent or to have your Church membership called into question.”

Shaping a Life

As people dealing with same-gender attraction look at traditional lifestyles, they may not see where they fit in. One young man wrote me: “All of the talks at BYU on dating and marriage, including some in which we were told that if we weren’t dating ‘X’ number of times per week we weren’t magnifying our priesthood, left me feeling especially depressed, broken, and like I was failing God and everyone else around me. It wasn’t until I had a very powerful spiritual witness—in association with Isaiah 56:3–4, actually—that all I needed to do was my best to nurture my relationship with the Lord and to cultivate and follow the Spirit in my life (and whether I married in this life or the next, I was completely accepted of the Lord) that I felt so much of that burden of shame and guilt and depression and failure lift. The love I felt was overwhelming and taught me what my central focus should be. Prior to that, the cultural box I was being shoved into was spiritually and emotionally suffocating.”

Another young man, who chose to serve a mission even while dealing with the challenge of same-gender attraction, describes how he had been mentally and emotionally stuck in choosing the gospel way over the world’s way until he found that he didn’t have to live a traditional life and that, indeed, stereotypes can be ignored:

“I understood, finally, that I was an individual on my own path and that it was impossible to know where that would take me. I did have to make choices along the way, but I wasn’t limited by those stereotypes in my head. And the only thing I had to commit to was the gospel of Jesus Christ. The important distinction was between LDS culture, which isn’t necessarily true, and the fulness of the gospel, which is. When I realized that my path might not look like everyone else’s and that it was really just between the Lord and me, I felt a new confidence. I handed that map over to the Savior and let him navigate—I jumped into the driver’s seat. . . . If we truly trust the Lord, we don’t need to fear the unknown vistas that await us. We can listen to the Spirit and the compass of our hearts and look forward to that day . . . when we realize we have happened onto an answer and that it was the Lord who brought us there. But until then, there’s no reason we shouldn’t roll down the windows and breathe deeply, even if we’re not sure exactly where we are. It’s okay, the Lord does.”

Boundaries

At some point parents are faced with situations in which they wonder what boundary lines might be appropriate because their love for their child versus their sense of right and wrong can create conflict in their minds. Such situations might include whether to attend a marriage or commitment ceremony, or what role a potential partner might play within the family. Elder Oaks was asked: “At what point does showing that love cross the line into inadvertently endorsing behavior? If the son says, ‘Well, if you love me, can I bring my partner to our home to visit? Can we come for holidays?’ How do you balance that against, for example, concern for other children in the home?”

Can a parent’s love cross a line and inadvertently endorse homosexual practice? Elder Oaks responded: “That’s a decision that needs to be made individually by the person responsible, calling upon the Lord for inspiration. I can imagine that in most circumstances the parents would say, ‘Please don’t do that. Don’t put us into that position.’ Surely if there are children in the home who would be influenced by this example, the answer would likely be that. There would also be other factors that would make that the likely answer. . . . There are so many different circumstances, it’s impossible to give one answer that fits all.”

Elder Wickman emphasizes a parent’s need to avoid the pitfall of defending a child’s homosexual lifestyle: “I think it’s important as a parent to avoid a potential trap arising out of one’s anguish over this situation. I refer to a shift from defending the Lord’s way to defending the errant child’s lifestyle, both with him and with others. It really is true the Lord’s way is to love the sinner while condemning the sin. That is to say we continue to open our homes and our hearts and our arms to our children, but that need not be with approval of their lifestyle. Neither does it mean we need to be constantly telling them that their lifestyle is inappropriate. An even bigger error is now to become defensive of the child because that neither helps the child nor helps the parent. That course of action, which experience teaches, is almost certainly to lead both away from the Lord’s way.”

One mother remarks that she has said to her son: “‘I love you and respect your feelings, and I know you will respect mine. Because you were reared in the Church, you know what my standards are.’ He is fine with that because he prides himself on being an honest person.”

Elder Oaks mentioned that different circumstances may require different responses. After fasting and prayer, one set of parents in a home where there were no younger children chose to let the child and his long-term partner make the decision as to whether they would share a bedroom in the family home. The key seems to be Elder Oaks’s statement: “That’s a decision that needs to be made individually by the person responsible, calling upon the Lord for inspiration.”

Click here to read the companion piece, "Our Story: Living with Same-sex Attraction" by Ty and Danielle Mansfield.

Dave Says: My Food, My Roof

Tue, 22 May 2012 00:01:00 -0600

by Dave Ramsey
source: LDSLiving.com

MR says: My 15-year-old wants to open a checking account that doesn't allow me or anyone access. What should I do?

Dear Dave,

I’m a single dad with two teenagers at home. My 15-year-old son wants to open a checking account of his own, but he doesn’t want me or anyone else to have access to it. Should I just let him do this and suffer the consequences I know are coming?

Tim

Dear Tim,

When it comes to 15-year-olds, as a parent you have every right to say, “My food, and my roof. You do what I say.” With kids this age you never know what you’re getting. Half the time you’re talking to a 35-year-old, and the other half they’re 5 again.

At that age, I think you let them do, or not do, these things based on their ability to perform well in life. To the extent they behave and show some sense, you lengthen then rope and give them more freedom and privileges. If they act like doofuses, you shorten the rope. Remember, no is a complete sentence. Can you tell I’ve raised teenagers?

If it were my son, I’d sit him down and gently explain that he doesn’t have the capacity or knowledge to manage this idea by himself just yet. You wouldn’t turn your child lose behind the wheel of a car the moment they wanted to drive, right? So make yourself a part of the experience by teaching him to handle money wisely. Then, as he matures in financial understanding, you can give him more leeway.

If he wants to go dramatic on you, let him. And remind him that for every minute he’s in drama mode, that’s less leeway he’s getting in this matter and every other one in his life. In other words, the more mature you act, son, the better your existence is going to be.

No, at 15 he’s not opening a checking account on his own.

—Dave

For more financial help, please visit daveramsey.com.