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{Single Saints} 5 Signs He’s Not Serious about You

Jessica Carter - September 29, 2011

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Are you thinking he loves you not? Figuring out the code of an unpromising relationship is frustrating on many levels, but you deserve to know. These are 5 signs to help you know.

Okay, ladies. We’ve all been there. You’re totally into a certain guy, and things seem to be going well, but you’re not quite sure how serious he is about you. Little things start to make you wonder if he’s not as interested as you thought he was. Maybe you brush them off and scold yourself for being too insecure. Maybe he always has an excuse for his behavior. But in my experience there are five tell-tale signs that he’s not serious about you—whether he wants to admit it or not.

1. No Definite Plans
If you hang up the phone without any firm plans for the near future, sit up and pay attention. I know that when I’m interested in someone, I will go out of my way to make time for him. And when our schedules don’t line up, I always make sure to offer an alternative or, at the very least, let him know I am looking forward to seeing him as soon as possible. Now, ending a phone call with “let’s talk in a few days to touch base” is perfectly acceptable. But if after fishing around for a date there is no indication that you are part of his social calendar, you might want to consider looking for new prospects.

Another thing to consider is the way he talks. The next time you’re together, really listen. Does he use the word “we” in the future tense? For example, “We should go there sometime.” Does he use the word “we” at all? If not, he’s probably not thinking you’ll be in the picture much longer.

2. Texting Instead of Calling
Yes, texting is a very popular method of communication. It’s a convenient way to send a quick message. It’s also a convenient way to avoid meaningful communication. Have you ever noticed how it seems to be perfectly acceptable for someone to drop off the face of the earth in the middle of a texting conversation? Or to just not respond at all?

Now, I’m not saying that he shouldn’t text. But does your man text significantly more often than he calls? Texting is much less intimate. If he isn’t anxious to hear your voice, you shouldn’t be anxious to stick around.

3. Complete Absence of PDA
I emphasize the word “complete.” I realize that many guys are not comfortable with public affection. But if he really likes you, he’ll still put his arm around you or hold your hand or kiss you on the cheek. If he’s willing to do these things when it’s just the two of you, he’ll be willing to do them in public if he thinks his relationship with you is long term.

And, girls, to put it bluntly, if a guy kisses you when you’re alone but won’t so much as touch you when you’re walking down the street together, alarms should be going off in your head.

4. You Don’t Know His Family and Friends
If a guy is serious about you, he’ll want you to be part of his life. He’ll want to show you off to his best buddies and eventually to his family. If you’ve been dating for a significant amount of time and are yet to meet key people in his life, it probably means he doesn’t think of you as one of those key people.

5. He Doesn’t Know What Is Important to You
Does he ask you about your dreams and goals? Your family and friends? Your likes and dislikes? If he is crazy about you, he will try to figure out what makes you tick. And what is important to you will be important to him. If your conversations with him rarely delve into deeper topics, it likely means that he’s not willing to invest in you emotionally.

I don’t mean to be all doom and gloom. But, ladies, if a guy is exhibiting any of these signs, move on. Don’t wait for him to “come around.” If you have to convince a guy that he should be with you, then you shouldn’t be with him. You deserve to be with someone who adores you. Don’t put up with anything less.

Your turn: What warning signs do you look for to know if a guy’s not interested (or if he is)? Is this list accurate?


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Jessica Carter is a recently divorced mother of two. In her late thirties, she is learning to navigate the mysterious world of LDS mid-singles.

© LDS Living, 2011.
Comments 5 comments

rukiddingme said...

09:14 AM
on Sep 29, 2011

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I dont date. My friends do however, on man!! The horror stories they tell of dating. My friends and I completely concur with this article. Good luck ladies!

johnrpack said...

09:18 AM
on Sep 29, 2011

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Another sign: 6. He kisses you on the first date. That shows what it is about you he's interested in -- and it isn't you.

seamssweet said...

10:31 AM
on Sep 29, 2011

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I completely concur with this list. I just got out of a year long relationship that was on-again-off-again and he would do each of these things. Not all the time, sometimes he wouldn't hold my hand in public, but he'd take me to dinner at his sister's. Then things would change and he'd hold my hand, but not make definite plans.

macho_mz said...

09:09 AM
on Oct 01, 2011

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I think the biggest mistake most women can make about men is to spend lots of time trying to interpret his intentions and finding hidden meanings rather than just TALK to him. Guys aren't usually big on subtlety- they tend to be much more direct. I am in the military, and I can't tell you how much time I spend helping the guys I work with figure out why their wife/girlfriend is mad at them! Some of these suggestions are very true, but some are subjective- especially the one about PDA. I have known guys who were very affectionate in public and private, and others who are not comfortable showing affection in public. Ladies, you will be much less stressed if you ask questions when you are confused or upset rather than spending hours trying to figure it out with your girls!

killies said...

02:30 AM
on Oct 03, 2011

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nice aricle I kindly ask that you do another one on "5 signs she 's not serious about you" Thanks
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