{Single Saints} Inner Beauty Is Not Enough

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Author’s note: Though my message was meant to be encouraging, I failed to clarify a few sensitive points. I didn’t consider that in today’s unrelenting assault of negative body messages, my blog might be misconstrued as an invitation to conform to society’s ideals. We should recognize that we each have a personal best that exists independently of what society tells us, one that should be attained out of a sense of personal achievement, not solely to attract a mate. I was wrong to address the article primarily toward women, because men can be equally guilty of failing to care for themselves. I also realize that one cannot simply look at another person and make an accurate judgment on how well that person cares for him- or herself. Nevertheless, the overall message of this blog remains: “Figure out your personal health and appearance standard, then work toward it.” Please bear that in mind as you read the following.

We’ve all heard that beauty is on the inside, in the eye of the beholder, or somewhere else beyond the realm of the physical. And while I will not argue against the idea that inner beauty—a combination of a good personality, a shining spirit, and other internal qualities—is crucial, I will contend that beauty on the outside should not be neglected.

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among women. On Facebook and in conversations with girls, I’ve heard girls embrace supposed feminine liberation and tell us that they’re beautiful no matter how they look. Before I have to dodge a flurry of thrown stiletto heels, let me clarify: Yes, you are beautiful. You’re a daughter of God, and don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise. But . . . you shouldn’t let the “beauty on the inside” argument hinder your quest to achieve your physical ideal. Some girls I know tell themselves it doesn’t matter how they look because they’re beautiful on the inside, and then they just . . . well, let themselves go.

I’m a single male and that reflects in the audience I write to, but regardless of our marital status or gender, we should all take care of our bodies. After all, aren’t they gifts from God? We’re instructed to abstain from tattoos and extra piercings in an attempt to show respect for our bodies, and shouldn’t that respect be extended to how we treat the body itself? We are stewards of our mortal shells, and as such should care for them like the prized possessions they are. 

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For those who are still dating, failing to take care of yourself can easily delay association with potential eternal mates. The right person will love you eventually, but it’s your physical aspect that often catches the eye. If you don’t take the time to care for yourself, that doesn’t exactly encourage anyone else to care for you, either. How many people who would love you once they got to know you have passed you over? Maybe you’ve even been the one who’s passed on someone because that person failed to care for his or her God-given body.

If you are truly happy with the body you have, I’m glad for you. We should recognize that none of us is going to have a perfect body, at least not at this stage in our eternal existence. (Or maybe you already do have a near-perfect body. Congrats. You should still keep reading.) Women, we guys will accept that not all of you are swimwear models if you accept that few of us have managed the abs of a certain werewolf from Twilight. 

I’m sorry if I come across as harsh. There are also plenty of people who go the opposite direction and become Barbie dolls with personalities as bland as the plastic dolls they so resemble. In our journey to improve our inner and outer selves, we should seek balance. We should be satisfied with who we are, but we should strive for healthy improvement. This principle applies to men as well. So how do both genders reconcile this paradox? How do we attain the right body while neither being satisfied with the sub-par nor going too far?

I propose that we find a realistic perception of the person we can become on the inside and outside. Discovering our exact physical potential may take some time, but we can gain a reasonable expectation of the best we can be. Then we simply become content with the progress we’re making toward being our best selves.

President Kimball said, "How nice and easy would it be if we had a magic wand! But we haven’t. You might take a careful inventory of your habits, your speech, your appearance, your weight, . . . and your eccentricities. . . . Take each item and analyze it. What do you like in others? What personality traits please you in others? Are your dresses too short, too long, too revealing, too old fashioned? Does your weight drive off possible suitors? Do you laugh raucously? Are you too selfish? Are you interested only in your own interests?” 

Elder Joe. J. Christensen adds, “The Lord expects us to do the best we can with what he has given us. President McKay said, ‘Even a barn looks better when it’s painted.’” 

Girls (and guys), a little regular exercise and some healthy eating habits will be a good start toward becoming that reasonable paragon. Go running. Take a racquetball class. I think you’re capable of filling in the rest of this list yourselves. I really believe that as we all set attainable physical goals and work to reach them, we can be satisfied both with ourselves and with what we’re becoming. 

What do you think? Am I off base? Do I have unreasonable expectations for girls?

Please remember to be kind in your comments. The writer of this article, whether you believe his opinions are correct or not, has feelings too.