VIDEO Self Family Home Entertaining Travel Our World Lesson Helps Blogs

Topics: Blogs / Polls

{Poll} Where's Your Pew?

LDS Living staff - January 05, 2012

SHARE: Facebook - Share this Tweet this Email to a friend Print this

Thinkstock.

We like to joke about the permanence of family pews in Mormondom, but seriously: where do you sit?

Finding a place for your family to sit during sacrament meeting or stake conference can be a frustrating experience—particularly if you’re a family of nine. And if you’re a family of nine who has recently moved into a new ward, you run the risk of accidentally usurping someone else’s “usual” pew.

It’s true that most of us like to sit in the same area, if not the same row, each week. But Facebook friend Brittney Meyer McOmber thinks we should “mix it up.” She writes, “None of us own a pew and [we should not] get upset if someone is sitting in the place that we [typically] sit in. Sometimes due to disabilities, people do need to sit in certain areas. But most of the time, that isn’t the case. It’s fun sitting in different places every week!”

Your turn: Why do you sit where you sit? Tradition? Convenience?

FEATURED SPONSOR

Thanksgiving Point

Do you have a family pew?

Where do you prefer to sit?

Have you ever been asked to move out of someone's pew?

Do you think saving pews is okay?

© LDS Living, 2012.

Tags: LDS Culture, Poll

SHARE: Facebook - Share this Tweet this Email to a friend Print this

Comments 41 comments

kenslew said...

02:26 PM
on Jan 04, 2012

We sit in the very back because we have an infant son, and we like to have the option for a hasty (and inconspicuous) exit, should the need arise. We would prefer to sit in the front, near the door, but another family always gets there first and lays out books to claim it. :)

kennyray said...

06:20 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

saving pews is tacky -- if you want to sit in a good spot arrive early. If you got a big family, that was a personal choice -- others shouldn't have to accommodate you. First come, first serve. Is someone going to save you a spot in heaven? NAw, better get there early.

lil.webby said...

06:39 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

I didn't think there were assigned seats in the Lord's Church! I guess it is that baggage that we bring from outside religions, huh? Ine thing that bugs me, is when there is a stake conference and everyone knows what time it starts, and that if you want a good seat you have to sacrifice and get up earlier. So you do, you get the little ones up and dressed find a good parking spot, and walk reverently into the chapel....ONLY TO FIND, that one individual is sitting in a pew with the whole row filled with hymnals and coats. SAVING seats for family members too lazy to get up on time. Then as you sit in the overflow, you notice that family coming in after the song, the prayer, and the opening remarks. OK something is wrong with this picture.

cubby said...

06:54 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

My dad age 80, has a bad back and must sit in the back. My mother has allergies and those that sit towards the back tend to wear less perfumes. My husband and I sit with them. When we had kids we always sat near the front and to the side because no one else seemed to want those seats and the kids could see the speakers. Here is another good topic for you, perfume and strong after shaves at church.

jeanmerrill said...

07:04 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

I am hearing impaired from birth and learned early in life to read lips combined with what I could hear. Thus in order to see the speakers lips I need to sit toward the front. However, I gladly yield our spots when needed by a family group, Primary program, etc. You may say well there is now way to hear the speakers from the handsets available in each building. But for some reason I find that is not the best enviroment for my understanding what is being said without seeing the lips of the speaker.

boots911 said...

07:19 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

I have four young children and my husband is in the bishopric. We sit in front of the bishop's family and they help me with the children every week. We live 20 min apart and one of us is always saving a row for the other family. If saving a row is tacky, you might need to be willing to help someone with their 3 year old twins...

boots911 said...

07:27 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

I will add that we always arrive before church begins, except the one time my van wouldn't start.

mjduley said...

07:38 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

We always sit in one of the short pews to the back on one side, because there are only three of us. I can't sit in the metal chairs (even the padded ones) for very long because I have back and hip problems. We've found that if we sit in the regular length pews, no one sits in that pew with us because they assume we have more family members coming (even when we squish to one side). The shorter pews in the back fit our family perfectly. We didn't plan it that way, it's just the routine we kind of fell into. And we always get to church almost 1/2 an hour early to get that pew.

mjduley said...

07:40 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

I should also mention that on the rare occasions we have someone in a wheelchair who needs that pew for their family, we give it up immediately. But most of our wheelchair users seem to prefer to be closer to the front.

mjduley said...

07:42 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

Also, I found this statement from kennyray to be weird: "Is someone going to save you a spot in heaven? NAw, better get there early." He thinks we should try to get to Heaven early to make sure we get a good spot? I don't think that's the best analogy to use.

nhdave said...

07:47 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

I don't have to worry about a seat, as Bishop I have the same seat every Sunday but I do get to watch the seating dynamics. Fortunately, we don't have people saving seats in our Sacrament meeting even though our chapel is pretty crowded. My wife sits in a new place every Sunday seeking out new members, investigators or visitors, or perhaps helping a single mom with her kids. I frequently see faithful members split up their families to help out other families with the younger children. I have never seen anyone ask someone else to move from "their" seats. I can't think of a quicker way to make a visitor, or new ward member, feel un-welcome in a sacrament meeting. Such behavior might trigger an "appointment" with the Bishop.

merkyl said...

08:15 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

One of the saddest stories I ever heard was of a recently widowed elderly woman who moved to a new ward and tried to find a seat in sacrament meeting. She moved from row to row to row, encountering people who were "saving seats" and couldn't let one lonely woman in. She ended up at the very back of the chapel, all alone.

bethanymom said...

08:33 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

We always sit on the 2nd or 3rd row back on the left side of the chapel. I am in the choir, and my kids would sit where I could see them during the practice before church started. I had a friend who started coming to church regularly and she wanted to sit towards the back on the right side with her kids, and we started sitting with her. I teased her over and over that 'our pew' was over there, not over here!! I was asked to give the opening prayer and the Bishop looked at the place we usually sat, and said I don't see Sister Soandso, but I am sure she is here. After I gave the prayer, he told the ward Sister Soandso usually sits over there (pointing to our previous location), so I didn't see her in their new location. (See even the rest of the ward knew where 'our pew' is suppose to be.)

creativechefw said...

08:45 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

I don't think there's anything wrong with sitting in the same pew each week, or with changing. I do have a problem, though, with those who get ticked off just because someone else is in "their" pew. How do they know that you sit there every week, especially if they are visitors or new members? And if it bothers you so much, get there earlier, problem solved! Its just my daughter and I who go to church in my family, so we always sit in one of the small side pews near the doors so that I can take her out quickly if I need to (she's 4). Our ward is small, so generally everyone sits in the same area, but some people end up moving around from time to time. We've only had to change pews a few times when its been a special occasion or something so its crowded, and we were fine with that. And even though we're in a small pew, if there's someone looking for a place to sit, we offer them a seat.

grandman said...

09:34 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

My husand and I care for his 90 year old mother who cannot be left alone for more than a few minutes. Since we take our grandchildren to Primary in another ward, whoever goes to sacrament has to sit in the back near the door so we can leave before the end of sacrament to take over caring for my mother in law while the other one leaves to do Primary duty with the grandchildren. I did have one sister who wanted me to sit in the middle or front because of families with small children and/or those who arrive late. When I pointed out to her that when I had small children I either arrived early or sat where we could and that those who arrive late could do the same. Since we live only a few blocks from the meeting house, nobody has an excuse for being late. We used to drive at least 45 minutes to over an hour to attend church with small children and always managed to get there early enough to sit where we could take children out if needed. If someone wants to sit in a particular pew, they need to get there early enough to do so and not save the entire pew for those who will arrive late.

musicalmaestro said...

09:42 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

We like to sit more towards the front because we found that we all pay better attention when we are closer to the speakers. My mother always made our family sit up front (eight kids) because she said we behaved better. We also sit close to the front because I conduct the music for Sacrament meeting but prefer to sit with my family and help my husband with our rambunctious toddler for most of the meeting. Even if we generally sit in the same pew each Sunday, I'm not going to be offended if someone else is there before me. It isn't a bit deal where my exact spot is, as long as I can be there.

thinkinglady said...

09:52 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

I am hearing impaired and my hearing loss is fairly recent (due to an accident). Our Chapel has doors on each side toward the front. We sit in the row just inside the door. There is plenty of space from the row in front of us. I miss the music more than anything- so my husband suggested I bring a small, folding music stand and my directors hymnal. We "Sign" the songs and it helps me. There wouldn't be room in a normal pew. But if someone is already there-then we go elsewhere. Also, we do save seats for our daughter and her family. Her husband is Executive Secy. and that leaves her at home to get the little ones ready and make the 45 minute drive to church by herself.

katamb said...

10:18 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

The hardest part as a single person is walking into a new ward and making sure I don't take someone else's seat! It's got to be the most stressful thing about moving!

musicmomto4 said...

11:51 AM
on Jan 05, 2012

Let's all be grateful that we have a beautiful ward building to go to and that there is plenty of seating for everyone. I don't think it matters where I sit as long as I can feel the spirit of the meeting and be grateful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

spitfire said...

12:01 PM
on Jan 05, 2012

We have often joked about "our" pew but certainly do not get territorial about it. We have been long time members in our ward & have watched, with interest, pew selection & ongoing efforts to sit in the same pew. What perplexes me the most about the whole process of choosing "where" to sit is those with young, active children. I don't mean to hijack the thread but perhaps someone could explain it to me. We have a young couple who has a very "vocal" little boy; the parents are in/out of Sacrament meeting like a revolving door. Every week they choose to sit close ot the front of the chapel. This leads to an ongoing show of them walking passed the speakers & those @ the Sacrament table. (Often crossing in front of those passing Sacrament @ the Sacrament table.) If you know you are going to be in/out...why not sit in the back, closer to the door???

azgirl60 said...

12:28 PM
on Jan 05, 2012

We have sat in the same pew for years. We started sitting there years ago when we had three boys passing the sacrament. Front left, second pew. When our boys were done passing the sacrament they would sit on the front on (in front of us). That way we didn't have people getting upset with us as we tried to save places for our sons to sit after they were done with their priesthood responsibilities. It was amazing to me how many people would make snide remarks about the spots we were saving. The spots for the very boys passing and blessing the sacrament to them. We have remained there, because it is a smaller pew and there are three of us now. The boys have moved away from home. I can't sit in the chairs due to my back and hips. Also, for stake conference, I go early to get good seats. Again, because I can't sit two hours in the metal chairs. I sacrifice to get there early and wait, so I think that is okay if I save a couple of seats for my husband and daughter. I'm not coming in last minute and expecting to find a front pew spot. If you want a good seat, get there early enough. On that note though... I don't think it would be okay to go and lay out stuff on the pew bench and then go home and finish getting ready. Someone needs to be there and if you have a large family... quite a few people need to be there.

throwaway said...

01:52 PM
on Jan 05, 2012

As a single woman, I have to be careful not to intrude on a family pew. I tried to sit in a pew that didn't look like the empty space was reserved, but was told in no uncertain terms that I was not welcome to sit there. I went to a metal folding chair at the back of the overflow and could not hear because of all the irreverent children. I like to sit on the side because the HVAC in the chapel blows a frigid breeze into the central pews.

jkcook said...

03:19 PM
on Jan 05, 2012

When my kids were younger, I sat in front so they could hear and pay attention better. It became a habit. Now I sit in the front because I'm friends with the chorister, so we sit together. It also helps in case we need to pinch hit for the pianist or she's late or something. Less obvious if I'm already up there. Few others like to sit in the front row, so there's little argument. When I'm at another ward (fairly frequently since we travel a lot) I am careful to find an "ok" seat without inconveniencing others or upsetting their usual arrangements. I've never had anyone tell me to leave and I don't worry if others are saving seats for others.

mimimum said...

04:34 PM
on Jan 05, 2012

I agree with lil.webby - having your own pew is definitely baggage brought into the Lord's church that has its roots when parishioners purchased a pew, had their name engraved on metal plates and attached to the pew, then upon death, would have a plaque inserted upon the wall of the chapel. Having studied a number of churches, this practice is most common in Anglican (Church of England) churches. Upon moving into a new ward I was shocked when a family stood over me, demanded my family move (yes, a large one, but we did get there early!) I could not believe how adamant they were as the pew in front and behind were both totally empty. I asked if they would sit in either of those as my children were now settled and the meeting was starting (the Bishop was already at the mic) but to no avail, they were quite vocally loud about it being their pew and everyone knew not to sit in it. Mind you, as I got to know this family, this behaviour was typical and most people avoided them. In the ward we attend now there is a need to accommodate a young person in a wheel chair and we all know which pew they are likely to sit in. Having said that, I have seen that pew occupied by visitors and the family simply find somewhere else and make no fuss at all. I guess it boils down to personalities - some people are possessive and demand their own way, others are not. I have seen a sister pushed over in a small branch when she went to sit in a certain plastic seat that had been claimed by another sister. It seems there can be much passion over pews!

pennybugs said...

06:10 PM
on Jan 05, 2012

I sit wherever. I'm a single lady who lives with my parents to help with their health issues. Most of the time there's plenty of space for me to sit with them, but only 4 people will fit on the smaller side pews, so if there's another couple who are looking for a place to sit I'll tell them to sit with mom and dad and I'll go sit with another family. I always ask first, May I be a Smith (or Jones or whatever) today? Everyone's always happy to adopt me for the day :-) I have saved seats, in our case if someone's late it's because they had to go to town for a Stake meeting, since that's a 20 minute drive and weather can be dicey in the winter, sometimes timing's off. Seems to me like there's a teaching somewhere in the scriptures that says something about judging... ;-)

bruce said...

06:24 PM
on Jan 05, 2012

This is a great poll--but I have to chuckle at the fact that I can't really take part in it. For most Sundays since 1997 (and a fair number before then), I've sat on the stand for one reason or another. (That's sort of not by choice--but it sort of is, if you think about it.) Of course, I don't have my family there with me. When I was in a singles ward bishopric, though, my wife--we were newly married--sat with me on the stand; I don't know whether that was inspiring or discouraging or revolting to the rest of the ward. I suppose I could try to think where our family used to sit back in the day or where my wife and I sit when I don't have to be on the stand (toward the back is probably the answer). But the one is so long ago and the other so infrequent that I don't have a lot of data to go on.

hansmar said...

07:13 PM
on Jan 05, 2012

We have lived in the same ward for three years and we do not have a "family spot". This is not from lack of trying. We sat in a middle pew in the back a couple of weeks until the man sitting on the opposite end of the bench saving a seat for his wife (the librarian) moved in further on the bench and placed his books so there was no longer room for our family on that end of the bench. We have moved around the chapel, but have found that we always seem to be sitting in some one else's spot. No one ever asks us to move, you just know it is their spot. We continue to move around so that we aren't encroaching on any one family.

momw said...

08:41 PM
on Jan 05, 2012

My comment is a quote from the Prophet Brigham Young that I heard at BYU education week. "To live with Saints in Heaven, bliss and glory, to live with them on earth, now that's another story!"

photoguy_nc said...

06:21 AM
on Jan 07, 2012

There should never be a "family spot" in any church, especially ours. If I were ever asked to move out of someone's pew, I would transfer out of that self-righteous ward or branch that very moment.

petragalazio said...

08:26 AM
on Jan 07, 2012

My worst experience with this was when our family needed the area with the space for a wheelchair. To sit together as a family, we would have needed two spaces adjacent to the wheelchair space, but the woman who "owned" the pew refused to relinquish "her" seat, or to even scoot over two spaces. So we left the person in the wheelchair next to this lady, only to find out later that this lady was absolutely rude to her. It was a very odd experience which I hope is never repeated.

cubby said...

08:39 AM
on Jan 07, 2012

throwaway I knw what you are saying. There are several rowsin our chapel where, if a woman sits there she needs to bring a blanket. And there is another topic for discussion. What if the wards turned the airconditioners down in the summer so women didn't have to wear winter clothes in the summer in order to be comfortable and whatr about men leaving their jackets at home in the summer. I think we push the jacket thing too far and are not being resonsible to our earth. Make a new style, summer shirts, winter jackets.

scj said...

11:48 AM
on Jan 07, 2012

I agree that people need to mind there own business sometimes and not judge. We have a family with seven children including a set of triplets in our ward. The dad was in the bishopbric when the triplets were born. My family at that time included three teenagers. We sat with this family and saved them a seat from the time the babies were born. This included saving them a seat. A member of our ward went to the RS president who went to the Bishop to complain about us saving this family a seat. The bishop went to the dad of the family who said something to me. I was devestated that someone would judge me for the sevice I was trying to do for this family. If I did not have the testimony that I have this could have been a testimony breaker. I have in the past also saved and sat with the bishop's family when he was called with a very young family. The person who said that families choose to have large families so they should reap the consequences is forgetting that we are on the Lord's errand and we represent him in all we do.

acwomack said...

11:52 AM
on Jan 07, 2012

We started sitting in the very back side pew because it had more leg room (my husband is tall) and because no one else sit there. Now we have about 15-20 children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren that sit in that area. Even the stake president knows it is where the ____ Clan sits!

mustberight said...

11:59 AM
on Jan 07, 2012

I, being a widow and moving to a new town, looked forward to attending my new ward. I sat down, and someone came and said you can't sit here, this is the "----" seat. I felt so embarrassed I stood up and kept walking, finding a seat at my home. Learned later that row was the row occupied by the Stake Pres' LARGE family. I moved to another ward.

bgtaylor4 said...

12:36 PM
on Jan 07, 2012

Thanks for the article. Late start to my New Year's Resolutions, it will now be my mission to notice these usual or "saved" pews, occupy them and otherwise be a fly in the ointment. As to comment about saved seats at stake conference, that's what the ushers are for. If you have others coming, same policy as in the temple... seated in the back till the rest of your party joins you.

bgtaylor4 said...

12:41 PM
on Jan 07, 2012

Not fond of this trend at church where deacons, teachers and priests are excused from their place after the sacrament is administered to sit with their families... it doesn't seem necessary (if it were then perhaps all speakers, the choir and the bishopric would simply sit with their families and the stand would be empty), and quite often these young men simply move to seats with friends or hang out in foyers. Same goes with those on the program -- if you're giving the prayers, sit on the stand.

wendyloui said...

03:21 PM
on Jan 09, 2012

The front row is always open. Best place to sit in Stake Conference, you don't have to get there early.

hpetting said...

09:02 PM
on Jan 11, 2012

I admit it freely - I'm a seat-saver! If I have to get there an hour and a half early to attend meetings because of my calling and I have left my sweet husband in charge of doing 3 little girls hair, the least I can do for him is save a few seats! I think we should worry less about what others are doing and more about what we are doing to make others feel comfortable there. Don't we have more important things to worry about?

bethanymom said...

09:13 AM
on Jan 12, 2012

bgtaylor4: Our church is based around the importance of the family as a unit. To say that you should not be able to sit with your family because you are participating in the sacrament meeting in one capacity or another seems to be a bit harsh. For example, I am a single mother of 2 elementary school aged children. I am also a member of the choir. I am not the only sinlge parent in the choir. There are also people whos spouse does not attend church, or is already on the stand for other reasons. There would not be room up on the stand if all of us brought our kids with us for the whole meeting. Instead we quietly and reverently move from our seats in the pews up to the stand when it is time for our choir number, then return equally reverently to our seats afterwards.

ignoramus said...

03:22 PM
on Jan 14, 2012

I need to hear and prefer the front row. There is a young family with ten children and we have no problem sharing space with them. They are the best behaved in the chapel anyway. In the last Stake reorganization we sat in the middle of the families of both Stake officers and received nothing but smiles. We live in Zion (Boise)Thank you, Lord!

antiquer7 said...

08:57 PM
on Jan 15, 2012

Pathetic that this topic even has to be discussed. I am appalled! Maybe we aren't "Christian" afterall.

Leave a Comment

Login to leave a comment.

Home Advertise About Us Contact Us Privacy Policy Subscribe ©2012 LDS Living, A Division of Deseret Book Company.