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Young Women Lesson 14: Patriarchal Leadership in the Home

Manual 1; Excerpt from "Priesthood Authority in the Family and the Home," Dallin H. Oaks

March 23, 2012

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"The family proclamation gives this beautiful explanation of the relationship between a husband and a wife: While they have separate responsibilities, 'in these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.'" -Dallin H. Oaks

Discussion Questions
• How can the priesthood bless our lives now, regardless of our individual circumstances?
• What spiritual qualities should we seek in a husband? How can these qualities help him lead a family in righteousness?
• Consider your relationship with your Father in Heaven. How has He shown you His great care and love for you as an individual?

Excerpt from "Priesthood Authority in the Family and the Church" by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, October 2005 General Conference:

My father died when I was seven. I was the oldest of three small children our widowed mother struggled to raise. When I was ordained a deacon, she said how pleased she was to have a priesthood holder in the home. But Mother continued to direct the family, including calling on which one of us would pray when we knelt together each morning. I was puzzled. I had been taught that the priesthood presided in the family. There must be something I didn’t know about how that principle worked.

About this same time, we had a neighbor who dominated and sometimes abused his wife. He roared like a lion, and she cowered like a lamb. When they walked to church, she always walked a few steps behind him. That made my mother mad. She was a strong woman who would not accept such domination, and she was angry to see another woman abused in that way. I think of her reaction whenever I see men misusing their authority to gratify their pride or exercise control or compulsion upon their wives in any degree of unrighteousness (see D&C 121:37).

I have also seen some faithful women who misunderstand how priesthood authority functions. Mindful of their partnership relationship with their husband in the family, some wives have sought to extend that relationship to their husband’s priesthood calling, such as bishop or mission president. In contrast, some single women who have been abused by men (such as in a divorce) mistakenly confuse the priesthood with male abuse and become suspicious of any priesthood authority. A person who has had a bad experience with a particular electrical appliance should not forego using the power of electricity.

Each of the circumstances I have described results from misunderstanding priesthood authority and the great principle that while this authority presides in both the family and the Church, the priesthood functions in a different way in each of them. This principle is understood and applied by the great Church and family leaders I have known, but it is rarely explained. Even the scriptures, which record various exercises of priesthood authority, seldom state expressly which principles only apply to the exercise of priesthood authority in the family or in the Church or which apply in both of them.

To read the full talk, click here.

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