Close X

Dave Says: Healing the Wounds

Dave Ramsey - June 12, 2012

Thinkstock.

My wife secretly kept and used credit cards, and now we have massive debt and two liens on our home. What do I do?

Dear Dave,

Recently, I discovered that my wife secretly kept and used credit cards over the last several years. I also found out there are two liens on our home from some of this debt. She was hiding the mail from me so I wouldn’t find out. I’m angry about the dishonesty, but I want us to get the debt cleaned up. What do you suggest?

Tom

Dear Tom,

This debt and the liens are a symptom. What we’re looking at here is a repeated pattern of lying and deception. Anyone can become scared or ashamed and make a mistake, but this has happened several times. It’s called financial infidelity for a reason. Really, it’s the same kind of lying as sexual infidelity. It hurts and makes people angry on a lot of the same levels, and that’s because it’s a broken trust.

Assuming that you guys can talk things out and heal this rift in your marriage, you’re going to have to contact these credit card companies and try to settle the debts. You guys aren’t bringing home a lot, so you need to start scratching together every nickel and dime you can and make an offer to erase these debts. That will also remove the liens on your home. Many times creditors will settle a debt for pennies on the dollar. If you’re lucky, you may be able to get them to accept about 25 percent of the amount owed.

But I think you’ve got a much bigger problem here. You guys have some serious issues that need to be resolved. I’d advise going to your pastor, if you’re in a good church, or finding a reputable marriage counselor. Your wife needs to understand, loud and clear, that this kind of crap has to stop immediately!

—Dave

For more financial advice, please visit daveramsey.com.

Comments 1 comments

beenthere2 said...

04:04 PM
on Jun 12, 2012

Report Abuse

Aside from the social pros and cons of early or late marriage has anyone investigated the higher probability of having children with disabilities due to the deterioration of the female eggs and male sperm. The probability of a man over 40 having autistic children is 4 times as great as a male under 30. Check it out. Also with late marriage a couple will have less empty nest time and less time to ejoy grand and greatgrand children.
Leave a Comment
Login to leave a comment.