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{Single Saints} The Rebound Relationship

Jessica Carter - August 16, 2012

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Aaah, the rebound relationship. Whether you are the rebound or the person doing the rebounding, this type of relationship is sure to be a bumpy ride—and one that is most likely not worth your time. So, are you the rebound guy or girl? Here are 5 warning signs to look for. And for all you potential rebounders, check out these 5 signs you aren’t ready to date.

I’ve been back in the dating scene for about a year now (after waiting 8 months after my divorce), and in that time I’ve learned quite a bit. But the biggest lesson of all has been how to recognize when I’m dating a rebounder. The first time I dated one, I had no clue. I was new to the dating scene. I didn’t recognize the signs and didn’t know the right questions to ask. Let’s just say it didn’t end well. The second time I dated a rebounder, I knew he had just been dumped, but I thought he was a nice guy, so I gave him a chance. That didn’t work out either. 

So, in an effort to spare some of you the heartache that I’ve experienced, I present you with 5 signs you are the rebound guy or girl:

1. They just broke up with their ex. Yes, this is an obvious one—and therefore one you should be hesitant to make exceptions for. A question to always be asked on a first date should be, “When was the last time you were in a serious relationship?” Depending on his or her response, proceed with caution. You should also consider how serious the previous relationship was. Are we talking boyfriend or girlfriend? Maybe a few months ago is fine. Ex fiancée? I’d give it six months, minimum. Recently divorced? They probably need at least a year to get their head on straight (speaking from personal experience). 

2. They want to rush things. Or, conversely, they move at the speed of molasses. My first rebounder nearly smothered me when we started dating. He asked me out for every night of the week and texted, called, and Facebooked me several times a day—a sure sign a rebounder is using you as a distraction or to fill some kind of void. I experienced the other extreme with rebounder #2. We dated for nearly three months, but it never progressed emotionally or physically. In that entire time, he never even held my hand or kissed me goodnight. (I know, I know. I should have bailed a long time ago. Live and learn.)

3. They don’t really try to get to know you. Like I said, rebounder #1 seemed totally into me at first, but I soon realized that he rarely asked questions about my life, my likes or dislikes, my hopes and dreams. In reality, he didn’t make any effort to learn what makes me tick. Rebounder #2 didn’t make any effort either. He was too busy talking about his ex.

4. They are critical of you. Rebounder #1 showered me with compliments at first, but it suddenly switched to a constant barrage of criticism that left me dumbfounded. I finally realized he wasn’t over his ex fiancée and that he was directly comparing me to her. He couldn’t appreciate who I was because all he could see is who I was not—his ex.

5. They tend to “show you off.” If your dates—especially early in the relationship—consist of large social gatherings like dances or parties, beware. There is no better way to scream, “I’m over my ex!” than to show up with a new squeeze for all your friends (and quite possibly your ex) to see. There’s a good chance he or she is intentionally trying to create a buzz. The rebounder might also be trying to claim you as exclusive property by making sure everyone sees you are “with” him or her.

If you suspect you are in a rebound relationship, trust your instincts and don’t ignore the warning signs. Take it from someone who knows, it’s no fun to be someone’s consolation prize.

Now, on to the rebounders. I confess I don’t have any personal experience as a rebounder, so the following list comes from what I’ve learned by dating them or talking to friends about their rebound relationships. If you’ve recently gotten back into the dating scene after a breakup, here are 5 signs you are rebounding:

1. You have started dating, but you still look for ways to see your ex. You show up to events you know he or she will be at, and you invite your ex to social gatherings you are planning or attending. Bad sign. Rebounder #2 once intentionally did not invite me to one of his parties because he told me he was hoping his ex would show up. Yeah, that’s when I finally called it quits.

2. When you’re with someone else, you don’t focus on that person. Instead, you find yourself wishing you were with your ex. You’ve just hiked a beautiful mountain trail with your date, and all you can think is, “I wish my ex was here to see this.” If your mind is constantly wandering with memories of your ex, then why are you with this new person? (See #3 above.)

3. You constantly compare the new person you are dating with your ex. This new person isn’t crazy about volleyball—something you enjoyed playing with your ex. And what’s up with the constant need to discuss current events? If you aren’t open minded enough to appreciate what someone new has to offer, then don’t bother. (See #4 above.)

4. You would feel like you’re cheating on your ex if you kissed or held hands with someone else. Your heart still belongs to your ex, and in a way, you are still trying to prove your devotion by remaining “faithful” to him or her, even if your ex has moved on. 

5. If your ex asked to get back together, you would do it in a heartbeat. If you know this is true, then game over.

It’s unfair, unrealistic, and selfish to expect someone else to help you get over your ex. If you can’t see your past relationship for what it was—a learning experience—then you need more time to heal. Do everyone a favor and wait a while longer before diving back into the dating pool.
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Jessica Carter is a recently divorced mother of two. In her late thirties, she is learning to navigate the mysterious world of LDS midsingles.

© LDS Living, 2012.
Comments 3 comments

lincxyram12 said...

06:46 PM
on Oct 15, 2014

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My boyfriend dumped me last month after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want her back in my life but she refused to have any contact with me. She changed her line and email address. I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how a this powerful spell caster help them to get their lover back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Osaze and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and i immediately pleaded and ask her to forgive me. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,i was awarded a contract of 5 Million Pound for 4 years. Once again thank you Dr trust,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: {spirituallove@hotmail.com}. He is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his good work because people are still talking about him on the Internet and Radio Stations.

lincxyram12 said...

06:46 PM
on Oct 15, 2014

Report Abuse

My boyfriend dumped me last month after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want her back in my life but she refused to have any contact with me. She changed her line and email address. I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how a this powerful spell caster help them to get their lover back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Osaze and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and i immediately pleaded and ask her to forgive me. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,i was awarded a contract of 5 Million Pound for 4 years. Once again thank you Dr trust,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: {spirituallove@ hotmail . com}. He is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his good work because people are still talking about him on the Internet and Radio Stations.

nicholaszachary said...

01:36 PM
on Oct 26, 2014

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I fell in love with my research partner.We have been working together for a long time and we have been through a lot together breakthrough disappointments and everything you can think of.We closely observed our life and came to a conclusion that could be friend for life.Only that i wanted her to be more than just a friend.She was undeniably beautiful with a great body and great smile.We will talk all night at my place after work.Because she lived in New Jersey and worked here in New York i was almost always impossible for her to return home cos we always finished from the lab so late at night.We would lie close to each talking about everything i could hear her heart beat like she always wanted me to make a move at her.I mean may i read the signs wrong or something that made me thing she was falling for me cos when i finally made the big move, not like she pulled out immediately but she did pull of.From here on she made us just work and nothing else not friend, not lovers just nothing.She was avoiding not picking my call and it was really killing believe me when you fall in love with a girl and it turns out that she is not picking your calls you dont know how hurtful it can be.I was puzzled, i could not rap it around my head how a girl would like but still don't anything to do with you.We went on like that for eight month.I guess it was around that time i found Metodo Acamu contact on the internet and contacted him.METODO ACAMU help me cast a love spell with just and only the materials he asked me to provide which i did.Though it took two weeks to complete the spell,he help made her lover me the way she does right now.I suggest you all read other comment about METODO ACAMU you find on the internet.Though my testimony is not lengthen,i think i ve said enough to make to those like me who have trust issues about spell casting believe that METODO ACAMU is the only one that can help you.He even asked me to bring the materials which he used to get my spell casted to his temple myself but i was too busy and was not ready to get a plane ticket to travel to get the spell casted when i could just wire the total cost for him to get the materials and aside that he is the expert in this things he would know where to find all the materials needed for the spell casting.For those people like me looking for help here is METODO ACAMU email contact you can use to reach him metodoacamufortressx@yahoo.com
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