Courting Myself

by | Jun. 04, 2010

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“I want to conclude this message by saying if the focus of your life and all your subsequent activities in life are not pointing towards marriage, then you are sinning…” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I quietly shifted in the uncomfortable church pew and glanced at my best friend, Anna, to see her reaction to this statement. Her face mirrored mine: the obvious “did-he-really-just-say-that?” mixed with frustration, guilt, and sadness, with a hint of “what’s-wrong-with-me?” lying just below the surface. I sighed and turned to not-so-subtly look at the reactions of my fellow student ward members. There were a lot of looks similar to mine and Anna’s as well a lot of restless shifting in the pews, as if focusing on finding a more comfortable position on the hard benches would erase the sting of that last statement. The bishop’s remarks were quickly followed by the closing song and prayer. The typical post-meeting chatter after the final “Amen” was a little more subdued than usual. I couldn’t help but wondered if other people were mulling over the same questions in their minds as I was: “Sinning, really?!?!” “Am I doing enough?” “Am I doing my best?” “Is my best good enough?” “What if I never get married?” “Why am I not married?” And, of course, the questions that rocks all single people at some point in their lives, “What’s wrong with me?”

Over the next week, I spent most of my mental energy thinking about the things my bishop had said.

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