Mormon Neon Trees Drummer and Husband Talk Pornography Struggles and What They Wish They Had Known

The following is written by Elaine Bradley, drummer for the Neon Trees.

I’m married to a good guy. I’ll lead with that. But my expectations made it hard for him to be honest with me about his true reactions to and feelings about porn[ography].

I remember having a conversation before we got married about his experiences with porn[ography] up until that point. He definitely rounded down, and I definitely was happy to hear him do it.

The first time I realized I didn’t understand him was when we took our honeymoon for 5 days in Vegas. Billboards of busty ladies everywhere. I would look more closely, analyze, and vocalize my confusion that anyone could be turned on by THAT. I would talk about how the Thunder Down Under billboards did nothing for me. Yuck. Meanwhile, Sebastian averted his eyes and kept mostly quiet.

Little did I know that I had created a very unsafe space for him to talk candidly with me about porn[ography], and the conflict it caused him. I eventually realized this through several conversations over the course of several years.

Here’s what I could have done differently:

Lead image from Fight the New Drug
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