The Best Beards in Mormon History: Results Show

In an announcement that surprised exactly no one who had seen his campaign poster, apostle-inventor-astronomer-mathematician-pamphleteer-surveyor-poet-editor-missionary-mission president-philosopher-debater-historian-theologian [at this point members of the typesetters’ union went on strike, declaring that setting type for the man’s full resume would require overtime pay and a possible increase in medical coverage for carpal tunnel syndrome] Orson Pratt of Salt Lake City, Liverpool, western New York [here a gentle nudge from the typesetters’ shop steward forced curtailment of a listing of the man’s residences] was today named as the proud possessor of the Best Beard in Mormon History.
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