In addition to forwarding the article "Why Your Sister, Friend, or Daughter Isn’t Dating: Flirting 101 for Today’s Singles" (click here to read), you might ask, “How can I help the singles I love?”
Mothers, model gentleness, trust, and femininity at home and with your husbands (or trusted men in your life). The more you embrace your femininity and utilize your tender emotions with men, the more your daughters will learn that men can be trusted and will respond well to women. Avoid criticism, nagging, and whining as a way to motivate men. It simply does not work long-term, and if your daughter applies these same unattractive techniques to the interactions she is having with single men, she will repel them.
Fathers, make the daughters in your life feel safe, secure, and confident in your interactions with them. Encourage them to use and trust their gentle expressions and behaviors with men by responding well to their tender emotions. Express what you appreciate about the gentle and kind ways in which your wife and/or she interacts with you or other family members. Point out what she is doing right, how her femininity is meaningful, and how it makes you and others feel.
Brothers, help your sisters to practice thinking like a man so they don’t trust men who shouldn’t be trusted (which may then cause her to withdraw and refuse to be vulnerable with men again). Provide a good example of how women should be treated by treating your sisters and mother well. Then take the time to point out the early warning signs of how undeserving men act and how she can see them coming. Help her to trust men by knowing you and men better. Tell her your fears, feelings, opinions, and beliefs so men don’t seem foreign (and so she isn’t turned off by the appropriate needs of men). Listen to her fears, feelings, and needs, too, so she knows what this should feel like and expects the same from the men she dates.
Sisters, friends, colleagues, and neighbors, support your single loved ones by talking with faith and confidence about the goodness of men, positively rewarding and reinforcing your and her gentle natures. Try to remind discouraged single women that relationships are beautiful and there are multiple solutions for any problem that a relationship may face. Build her faith in herself, her future, the opposite sex, and God. Women can be powerful forces for building and supporting relationships. Make sure you are supporting her in healthy ways while also helping her to see and confront the truth. When she is with the wrong kinds of men, tell her what she needs to hear, not what she wants to hear, so that she doesn’t give the best of herself (her tender emotions, trust, and love) to those who don’t invest in her.
To learn all of the 17 Secrets to the Male and Female Psychology or to obtain an $80 discount on the Mormon Dating System for Men or Women (a limited time Christmas special), visit itsyourtechnique.com.
Alisa Goodwin Snell is Utah’s Dating Coach, author of 7 books for singles, and a marriage and family therapist with 17 years of experience. Learn more about Alisa at itsyourtechnique.com/about.