It was a regular Sunday morning in October 2015 as 19-year-old Jacob Pinkston sat with his family waiting for sacrament meeting to start. As the meeting began, his mom, Christine, leaned over to him and asked excitedly, “Do you know who’s on the stand?”
Elder Ronald A. Rasband, who only days before had been called to the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, was visiting the Utah ward to watch his grandchildren in the primary program.
Pinkston admits that at the moment, he didn’t really care. “Going to church was kind of tough for me because I have social anxiety,” he shares, “so I didn’t pay attention too much when I was in church. It was more just about kind of staying there.”
Ever since his family had moved to Utah during his sophomore year of high school, Pinkston had struggled. He had a difficult time making friends and felt alone almost all of the time—but the challenges he faced were more than the average teenager’s need to fit in. During his junior and senior years, physical illness kept him at home for months at a time, and when he finally felt physically well enough to go to school, he would experience crippling anxiety attacks. Though he had always been a straight “A” student, his grades began to slip as his mental and physical health faltered. He completed most of his school work from home to get the credits he needed to graduate.
Pinkston had always planned to serve a mission, but with all of the anxiety and depression he was experiencing, serving a mission didn’t even seem possible. He was more worried about just making it through the day.
But on this October Sunday, Pinkston felt God’s love for him in a life-changing way, and Elder Rasband’s attendance played a key role in that.
During Relief Society, Christine had the opportunity to talk to Elder Rasband. He told her that he knew who she was, and he knew who her son was and what he was going through. He then proceeded to tell her that he and the stake president were praying and fasting for Pinkston.
When third hour was over, Christine was excited to tell her son about her experience. Pinkston, who still gets emotional recalling the experience, shares, “When she told me that, it was just undeniable, the fact that God loves me. One of his special witnesses was praying for me, and I just felt a wave of emotion that kind of knocked me back and got me going again.”
For months, his depression and anxiety had made it difficult for him to feel the Spirit, but this moment was pivotal in reminding him that Heavenly Father was aware of him and his needs. “It made me think if I could share this with just one person who has gone through something similar, I’d like to do that . . . . The love of God had been so powerful in my life, and it wasn’t something I could just keep to myself.” Though it would be another year before he would embark on his missionary service, this moment gave him a spark of hope that maybe he could serve as a missionary after all.
Tender Mercies in the Mission Field
Knowing that adjusting to missionary life would be especially challenging for him, Pinkston worked closely with professional counselors to prepare. He moved into his own apartment, worked full time, and took a couple of college classes. Overall, things went smoothly, and Pinkston started doing a lot better. After getting his endorsement from LDS Family Services, his papers were finished and submitted within the week.
When Pinkston opened his mission call to the Oregon Salem Mission (after his brother had offhandedly guessed that it would be the exact place he would go), it rang true to him. “It felt really good because one of the things I struggled with in high school was feeling out of place,” Pinkston explains. “I was getting called to go back to the Northwest, and I spent eight years in Seattle, so it felt very good.” For him, it was the perfect balance of familiarity and newness—the Northwest felt like home, but Salem was a new place with new adventures to be had.
After reporting to the MTC on November 9, 2016, miracles continued to follow. Though meeting new people had always been intimidating for Pinkston, he was assigned to be a zone leader in the MTC. “I was really afraid because one of the jobs I had was to introduce all the new missionaries coming in,” Pinkston explains. Typically, between 8 and 15 new missionaries would arrive in the zone each week. But because of the Thanksgiving holiday, the schedule of missionaries reporting had been adjusted, and instead there were 30-45 missionaries coming in. The thought of introducing all of them felt overwhelming.
“I kind of just went into the meeting, and I had faith that, you know, God would help me,” Pinkston shares. In spite of the nervousness he felt, the meeting went smoothly, and he felt a connection with the missionaries he served. “I knew every one of the elders’ names in my zone, and I knew them at least a little personally. That was a big deal for me,” he says.
The next big miracle for Pinkston was when he met his trainer in the field. Pinkston was already almost 21, and he was afraid of having an 18-year-old trainer who wouldn’t understand his situation. But again, the Lord knew what Pinkston needed. He was assigned a 24-year-old trainer who had been out for 3 months. “I struggled the first couple of months, but because he was older, he was more mature, he was so strong in the gospel, he was able to not only put me on his back . . . but he was able to help me get to the point where I was not only enjoying my mission, but I was able to survive by myself,” Pinkston recalls.
An Unexpected Injury
Though Pinkston definitely had hard days—and weeks—where he felt close to coming home, he continued to cope with his social anxiety and serve the best that he could. “Something that I have learned over the years with having anxiety and depression is that sometimes there isn’t something you can do,” Pinkston shares. “Sometimes you just have to put up with a little bit—and sometimes a lot—of uneasiness, and your body adapts to it, your body gets used to it.” When times got hard, he took courage in knowing that there was always light at the end of the tunnel. As difficult as it sometimes was, he knew that his feelings of uneasiness and discouragement wouldn’t last forever.
While serving in his third area, Pinkston and his companion were doing service for some ward members who had asked for help loading bales of hay. Pinkston had volunteered to load the bales into the bed of the truck, but fell from a height of seven or eight feet when the vehicle began to move. In addition to some road rash on his right leg and needing seven stitches in his ear, the scaphoid bone in his wrist was broken.
After evaluating Pinkston’s broken bone, the specialist in Salem explained that because of the scaphoid’s unusual placement and limited blood flow, it typically takes longer to heal, and in some cases, does not heal naturally at all. If Pinkston’s wrist didn’t heal on its own, surgery would be necessary. Being a Latter-day Saint himself, the doctor also knew that surgery would mean an early return home for Pinkston. Since there was no displacement of Pinkston’s broken bone, it was determined that they would wait to see if it would heal on its own so he could continue his missionary service.
But after seven weeks had passed, the bone showed no signs of healing. Pinkston could only proselyte a few hours of the day before his hand would go numb, and they were losing investigators because they weren’t able to work. The successful area Pinkston had worked so hard to build was waning, investigators were dropping, and Pinkston felt terrible. On top of that, he wasn’t sleeping well at night. His mom, who noted the dark circles under his eyes in the video diaries he sent home each p-day, became continually concerned. Pinkston’s mission president finally pulled him aside and asked him to consider going home.