Here are some suggestions to help LDS couples build a solid foundation in their sexual relationship from the start of their marriage.
Editor's note: The following article uses anatomical terms to describe sexual relationships.
It’s wedding season! With intimacy issues as one of the major causes of divorce and dissatisfaction in marriage, couples would be wise to prepare for the honeymoon and the intimate aspects of marriage just as much as they prepare for the wedding day.
John and Jill both had excited anticipation about their honeymoon night. But without sufficient education and conversation about each other’s expectations, their marriage got off to a pretty rough start. Both felt hurt and isolated from each other emotionally for much of their honeymoon. Jill explained that rather than the beautiful experience it was supposed to be it created a wedge that took many years for them to heal.
This honeymoon guide will help you have a much better sexual start to your marriage providing a solid intimate foundation for your relationship. It could be used as discussion topics with your sweetheart and/or as a way to discuss intimate issues with your parents so that they can share their thoughts on preparing you well for your honeymoon.
The purpose of the honeymoon is to have private time together to relax and connect—getting to know each other—mind, body and soul—and enjoying each other sexually. Every couple will be a little different in their hopes and desires and expectations for an enjoyable first sexual experience.
Whatever you think will make the first time a positive one is what you’ll want to discuss and shoot for together. The following are some suggestions to help you prepare for a positive and happy honeymoon. The first two suggestions are things to do before the honeymoon, and the rest are things to do on the honeymoon.
- Get Educated Sexually
- Be Lighthearted and Playful
- Keep Things Simple
- Freshen Up and Create Ambience
- Go Slow
- Have “Intimate” Supplies Available
- Prevent Honeymoon UTIs
- Engage in Other Intimate Honeymoon Activities
- Keep Learning about Lovemaking
Learn more from Laura M. Brotherson about building a healthy sexual relationship in And They Were Not Ashamedand Knowing Her Intimately: 12 Keys for Creating a Sextraordinary Marriage.
Taking a respectful, yet straightforward approach, this “sex-therapy-in-a-book” helps couples navigate the intricacies of intimacy to strengthen their marriages. Laura outlines 12 key areas of sexual wholeness to take your relationship to the next level intimately!
Be sure to share your thoughts and expectations about the wedding night with each other a couple weeks or so in advance so that you can both be mindful of creating a positive first experience together. You may have no idea what to expect or even what to talk about. Try to imagine what you’d like the first time to be like and talk about that together.
Do you imagine maybe just cuddling and relaxing together the first night or do you imagine that you’ll have sex right away? Some questions you might ask each other prior to the honeymoon include:
- How do you see our honeymoon night playing out?What are you most looking forward to? What worries do you have?
If there is some discussion about the honeymoon sexual experiences prior to the honeymoon, then discomfort with the topic, as well as fears and concerns can be minimized. Including trusted loved ones, a marriage counselor or your family doctor in a discussion about sex might be helpful.
Continue an open dialogue about your sexual relationship throughout the honeymoon and beyond to learn about each other’s likes and dislikes (accelerators and brakes) as well as the what, when, and how to touch most pleasurably.