Dave Says: Healing the Wounds

by | Jun. 12, 2012


Dear Dave,

Recently, I discovered that my wife secretly kept and used credit cards over the last several years. I also found out there are two liens on our home from some of this debt. She was hiding the mail from me so I wouldn’t find out. I’m angry about the dishonesty, but I want us to get the debt cleaned up. What do you suggest?


Dear Tom,

This debt and the liens are a symptom. What we’re looking at here is a repeated pattern of lying and deception. Anyone can become scared or ashamed and make a mistake, but this has happened several times. It’s called financial infidelity for a reason. Really, it’s the same kind of lying as sexual infidelity. It hurts and makes people angry on a lot of the same levels, and that’s because it’s a broken trust.

Assuming that you guys can talk things out and heal this rift in your marriage, you’re going to have to contact these credit card companies and try to settle the debts. You guys aren’t bringing home a lot, so you need to start scratching together every nickel and dime you can and make an offer to erase these debts. That will also remove the liens on your home. Many times creditors will settle a debt for pennies on the dollar. If you’re lucky, you may be able to get them to accept about 25 percent of the amount owed.

But I think you’ve got a much bigger problem here. You guys have some serious issues that need to be resolved. I’d advise going to your pastor, if you’re in a good church, or finding a reputable marriage counselor. Your wife needs to understand, loud and clear, that this kind of crap has to stop immediately!


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