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{Single Saints} Dating Mythbusters, Part 2

Emily McClure - March 29, 2012

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Part 2 of my experiment with common date-getting techniques. See how Facebook stalking, eye games, compliments, and repetition measured up.

Last week we started exploring the wiles girls use to get guys to like them in Dating Mythbusters, Part 1. 

1.    Be straightforward; guys like girls who ask them out.

2.    Accidentally bump into a guy and then play the “shy” act.

3.    Tell someone to tell a guy you’re interested in him. Wait for the guy to make the next move.

4.    Touch the guy’s elbow.

Here’s part two, with four more experiments in the dating world by some of our LDS Living staff. 


5.    Facebook stalk and message a guy you’ve just met.

6.    The glance: make eye contact with a guy until the peak moment, then smile and look away.

7.    Compliment the guy and then keep asking questions about him.

8.    Make sure you interact with the guy a lot. Repetition is the key to getting him to remember to fall in love with you!

(Note: names have been changed to protect the privacy of the poor subjects.)

5. Facebook stalk and message a guy you’ve just met 
Alexa, Intern

What do you do when you meet a cute guy at a party, feel that “spark,” but then get separated when your roommate wants to leave because her ex shows up? Simple. You Facebook stalk him and send him a message. But does this work? I tried it out—twice—to find out.

Depending on your previous in-person meeting and how you write your message, you can either come across as total creeper or as cute girl who might have some interest.

Rule number one: Once you find him on Facebook, DON’T friend request him just yet. Sometimes I feel a little weird when people I hardly know add me as a friend, and this might look just a bit desperate. Send the message, wait for a response, and if you get the green light, hit that little “request” button. 

Rule number two: Craft the body of the message carefully, making sure to pay attention to good grammar and spelling. It will help you come across as more mature and intelligent. Also, ask a question. In the example below, I asked a question about him. He had a reason to write back. Third, no desperation, just a simple statement letting him know you enjoyed talking and would love to again. In my message, I put myself out there just enough that if he decided he doesn’t want to write back, there is no broken heart. Nice, simple, and confident. Here’s a "cute girl" message:

Hey Fred,

It was great to meet you the other night. I’m sad we didn’t get to finish our conversation about the evolution of butterflies, but my roommate needed to leave and I was her ride. But hey I never got to hear your thoughts about when the butterfly finally escapes from the cocoon, and I’d be really interested to know what you think. I’ll hopefully talk to you later, and good luck with that test you have this week!

-Alexa
I also wrote a creeper message to "George" that had awful spelling ("2's" instead of "to's") and too much information (drama with my roommate over her ex-boyfriend), and was too long and too pushy. Lastly, I did the creepiest thing I can imagine: I let him know I had to drudge through Facebook to find him. Just don’t do that.

So now that we have established how to write a subtly-hinting Facebook message, it’s time to hear the verdict: 

Message back from Fred a few days later, with friendly banter an request for a phone number (for more talk of butterflies). Perfect! There’s one date in the bag. 

As for George . . . I’m still waiting to hear back.

6. Smile and peek a glance at a guy 
Ruthann, Circulation Manager

The results of this suggestion were . . . okay. I saw a new person at an event and thought he looked interesting. I was standing pretty close to him while talking to some friends. One of my friends knew this guy and turned to start talking to him about some business ideas. I glanced up and smiled. Eventually they ended up joining our conversation, and I chatted with this guy for about 3 minutes before we both had to leave. And that was it. So did I get to meet this guy? Yes. Did it result in talking to him in the future? As of now, no.

7. Compliment a guy and ask questions 
Mandy, Intern

I believe that most people just want to be validated—they want to be heard and they want to feel important. So I figured that asking a guy lots of questions and complimenting him would be a surefire way to get a date. 

I chose to practice this tip on Jason, whom I had met a couple months before and, as Taylor Swift puts it, was enchanted by. I had never made a concerted effort to get him to ask me out, so once I decided to try, I went all for it. In fact, I may not be qualified to write about this tip because I tried a lethal combination on Jason: I let one of his friends know I was interested, I tried the elbow touch (okay, to be honest, I practically massaged his arm), and I asked lots of questions and complimented him. My roommate also made fun of me for bee lining it to talk to him after a church meeting. Mind you, all of this happened within a day, so when he didn’t ask me out right away, I thought maybe my attempts had been overkill. 

I spent about a week thinking that the tips just didn’t work—or, heaven forbid, I was a creep—before I decided to move on. If Jason wouldn’t fall in love with me after all that, nothing would work. But then one night, nearly a month after the possibly overwhelming occasion, Jason called and asked me out. Needless to say, it’s good to know I’m probably not too creepy . . .

8. Repetition (lots of interaction)
Mandy, Intern

Matt started out as a friend, but after getting to know him a little better, I decided I needed to make him fall in love with me. This is a big feat, I know, but I think it’s better to shoot for the stars than the clouds, right? So I did what everybody would do with such a daunting task at hand: I became a bit of a stalker. 

Okay, before you cast judgment and picture me standing outside his window with a dozen long stemmed roses, I swear it was simple. I just figured out where he studied in the library and started studying there too—I didn’t even learn where his classes were, so, in my opinion, my stalking was pretty innocent. He didn’t seem to notice that I just so happened to start studying in the same place, or else he didn’t let on that he did. But because of this, I started seeing him a lot. 

I didn’t go every day (I did have other things to do), but I went enough that he wasn’t surprised to see me anymore. We had great conversations in the library and our friendship grew stronger. I totally wasn’t his type—he normally would have dated the tiny blonde cheerleader type, while I am a completely un-athletic brunette, and maybe a little too opinionated. But I think the repetition may have convinced him to give it a shot with me. It took a while for us to finally go out, but when we did, it was one of the best dates I’ve ever been on. 

Now I am a huge advocate of repetition—if you let someone go too long without seeing you, that awesome feeling that comes when he or she is with you could die. Don’t risk it. Don’t be a creepy stalker (play it safe!), but just . . . be around. 


Emily's Ultimate Verdict:
In the four weeks of trying out these tips (and I tried them out on a lot of guys, as did my friends), I had guys I wasn’t even trying to attract ask me out, and I had guys I wanted to attract not ask me out. Some tips worked better with boys I’d known for a while, some tips just worked in general (complimenting anyone is always in fashion)—and some tips didn’t work for me at all. (I may have accidentally gained a reputation as a creeper.)

Here’s the thing: there really isn’t a magic formula to get a guy to ask you out. When it comes down to it, no amount of elbow-touching or peak-glancing is going to magically make a guy want to suddenly ask you out. All you can really do to make your dating life worthwhile is put yourself out there, have fun, be yourself, and any other clichés you’ve heard all your life. Eventually, everything falls into place. And, by the way, don’t elbow-touch a lot; just . . . don’t. 

© LDS Living, 2012.
Comments 4 comments

nanajan said...

07:07 AM
on Mar 29, 2012

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RE: Item 6...Smile & Peak a Glance...Sorry to be so picky, but that should be "Peek" a glance. I'm a stickler on spelling...

dangby said...

08:57 AM
on Mar 29, 2012

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Re: nanajan - actually, it was peak-glancing here. You were supposed to glance until at the peak of the glance, smile, then turn away, so they coined the term peak-glancing, which is different than just peeking a glance, which is kind of just two words meaning the same thing.

spin2219 said...

08:32 PM
on Mar 31, 2012

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Good to know the elbow touch isn't the magic bullet I've always heard. I could never pull it off. Too weird.

oracle said...

09:45 PM
on Apr 01, 2012

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I can only speak for myself, but Alexa is on to something with this: " . . . pay attention to good grammar and spelling. It will help you come across as more mature and intelligent." A woman who uses good grammar and spelling comes across as more attractive to me every time, though I can't say exactly why. It's probably just a quirk of mine. Either way, it's real for me.
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