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The Midsingles Phenomenon in the LDS Church

Cathy Geigle - July 17, 2012

Mormon midsingles - singles ages 31 to 45 - are a new and growing demographic in the Church, with a new and unique set of circumstances, challenges, and needs. They no longer fit in the traditional singles ward, but family wards can be difficult, too. What is a midsingle to do?

This article is an excerpt from our magazine. To get the full story, subscribe to our magazine or purchase a single copy through Deseret Book.

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“The thing about the midsingles program,” says Bishop Steve Lang, “is that these people, our friends, our brothers and sisters, they go to church, they go on missions, they keep themselves worthy, unbelievably so. They do everything they are supposed to do, and they are in this crazy world with all this temptation around them. But once they hit 31, if they haven’t been able to find their mate, then [they’re asked to leave] their [singles] ward.”

And, he says, leaving their ward can often be a very painful process for singles, many of whom feel ostracized.

Adam Loughran is the bishop of the Huntington Beach 1st Ward, a magnet ward (a family ward for midsingles), and he says that from a cultural standpoint, the strong focus on families can make it difficult and uncomfortable for many midsingles who haven‘t been able to reach that goal, often driving them away.

The State of the Single Life
Matt Campbell is the regional representative for the Orange County singles/midsingles committee, which comprises 16 stakes in Orange County. Many single members, upon turning 31 and having to leave their young single adult ward, go inactive by the time they are 34, he says. “In each stake [in Orange County] there are on average 250–600 thirty-something midsingles, yet only a handful are active, often sitting alone in a family ward.”

Because midsingles make up those ages 31 to 45 who have never been married, in addition to those who are divorced and widowed, as much as Church leaders are anxious to help, there isn’t really a clear-cut answer. Typically, midsingles have three options following graduation from a YSA ward: a family ward, midsingles ward, or the latest buzz word, the magnet ward.

The Family Ward
For Farrah Walker of Los Angeles, she landed in a family ward because it happened to meet across the street from her place of employment. Unfortunately, she felt so uncomfortable, she didn’t want to return. “People would ask me why I was there. ‘Don’t you know there’s a singles ward?’ they would say. After a few weeks of this, I just couldn’t bring myself to go in anymore. I would drive to church and then just sit in the parking lot.”

But Walker didn’t give up, and the next time around things went better. “I love my family ward now,” she says. The difference? “People connect with me based on common interests and ideas, they treat me  like anyone else, rather than focusing on my marital status. It’s ‘I loved your comment in Relief Society,’ not, ‘Hey, why aren’t you in the singles ward?’’

The Midsingles Ward
Option number two for a graduating single is a midsingles ward, the same thing as a regular singles ward but for those aged 31–45. For Rod Rex of Salt Lake City, this was the logical choice when he turned 31. But after going to the three-hour block, he vowed never to return. “I was the baby. I had just turned 31 and I was surrounded by so many people who had been married before and were much older than I was. I just didn’t feel comfortable.”

For others, it’s not the age that’s the problem, but their children: they’re not allowed. For those who do have children, it’s difficult to make arrangements to attend one ward themselves while their children attend a regular family ward.

The Magnet Ward
A magnet ward is a family ward that all the midsingles in the stake congregate to, so they not only have the opportunity to be with other midsingles, but they are also integrated into the ward by having family ward callings, which helps keep a family perspective in a non-threatening way. The only difference in their Sunday schedule is a Sunday school class twice a month just for midsingles, so they can connect. Other than that, they are treated just like everyone else, and that’s the way they like it.

“There’s that sense of belonging and being needed and wanted,” says Loughran. “Every week I hear the same thing: ‘Bishop, if it wasn’t for this ward, I don’t know if I’d be an active member.’”

Now, eight years later, there are 18 magnet wards in the country and counting.

Because of their growing popularity, Campbell put together a website, midsingles.wordpress.com, to explain how to create a magnet ward, discuss frequently asked questions, and list current Facebook groups and midsingles activities.

Connecting Beyond the Ward
In places where a magnet or midsingles ward may not be possible—or for those who want a little extra help—hope is not lost for midsingles who are looking for other ways to connect. With the onslaught of social media, midsingles have more ways to come together than ever before.

Currently, there are over 150 different Facebook groups dedicated to connecting midsingles in all regions of the country and world, such as Get Out! LDS Singles, which has over 2,200 members. Nearly every state in the United States has a midsingles Facebook page.

There are also conferences that allow midsingles from around the country to flock together in a more literal way. One of the most famous is the Huntington Beach Midsingles Conference.

The 2012 line-up of events for the weekend included beach volleyball, surfing, dancing, bowling, hot air balloon rides, and motivational speakers flown in to edify and uplift the crowd. It’s no wonder this six-year ritual is continuing strong and being replicated all over the country.

“I love all midsingles activities, but there’s something about the church-sponsored conferences that I really appreciate,” says Jeni Baird, the conference committee chair. “Everybody walks away with something. Whether it’s meeting someone new or a toolbox of tips and tricks to be a more attractive person or strengthening their testimony, everybody leaves feeling enhanced.”

And what did Larry Cluff of Salt Lake City plan to walk away with? “Phone numbers,” he laughs. “Lots of phone numbers.”

Finding Their Place Now
Despite the fact that the midsingle population of the Church is often regarded as high risk, those members have also been referred to as the strength of their wards. “The truth is, the leadership in our magnet ward was 85 to 90 percent midsingles,” Lang says. “Those were our best choices. They were the most experienced, mature, established, and respected. The Huntington Beach 1st Ward became the strongest ward in the stake because of the midsingles. They are huge asset to any ward they are in.”

“Midsingles just want to be viewed as contributing members,” Rex concludes. “Marriage is in the Lord’s time. Whatever age you are, stay positive and focus on what you need to do. Single or married, everyone has different challenges. We just need to put our focus forward.”

This article is an excerpt from our magazine. To get the full story, subscribe to our magazine or purchase a single copy through Deseret Book.

Still want more? Check out our articles on making the transition from the singles ward to the home ward and advice to ward leaders of single saints.

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© LDS Living, July/August 2012.
Comments 28 comments

smallpin said...

05:17 AM
on Jul 17, 2012

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I don't see why we have to be pigeon holed. The gospel is for everyone so why do we even need to be in a married ward, a singles ward or a mid singles ward. I can see the advantages but to be told to leave a ward because you're over 30 and single is just hurtful and unnecessary. Life is made up of people from all different circumstances, so why can't church reflect that? I honestly don't see a need to create special ward for people of 'certain circumstances of age or marital status'.

becca1704 said...

07:12 AM
on Jul 17, 2012

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I agree and believe the leaders will start to take a hard at this and make more big changes in the near future...like doing away with the mid singles ward all together. However, There is a still a need for the young singles ward.

lb35 said...

08:20 AM
on Jul 17, 2012

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smallpin is right that it is hurtful to be exiled from a singles ward at 31. I remember when I was 33 my stake pres. telling our ward they were starting to enforce the age limit. One girls ran out of the room crying. It felt like we had been lined up against a wall and mowed down by a machine gun. But on the other hand, I saw that lots of 19 yearolds felt really uncomfortable going to a singles ward run by 30 year old guys. But I diagree with becca1704. In fact, I think the Brethern are seeing the effectiveness of having mid singles wards. As much as people try to get married as soon as possible, sometimes it just does not happen. The mid singles and magnet ward concepts are caughting on and stake presidents in many places are seeing their value. People are staying active and returning to activity. Also, people are getting married. There is a need for a mid singles program, separate from the single adult (45 till death) group.

bethanymom said...

08:38 AM
on Jul 17, 2012

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As a midsingle in a family ward (I have kids) it can be really tough to meet other midsingles. I look around my ward and there is one sinlge guy within 5 years of my age. I have been to stake singles activities in 3 different stakes (my previous one, my current one, and my parents stake) and I am easily 20+ years younger than the majority of people there. I spoke on Father's Day about the role of Non-Traditional Male Role Models for myself and my children. I feel that I am an important part of my ward. My kids, and I look forward to attending church every Sunday. I have never been made to feel less important because I am not married. I do feel discouraged when it comes to my dating prospects. I would greatly love to attend the activites of a magnet ward, or get up enough courage to give internet dating a 2nd try. I am greatly encouraged by fact that not only are my local leaders aware of and working on meeting the needs of midsingles, but there are many leaders who are coming up with ideas/solutions to a painful problem for a growing number of active faithful members of the church.

macho_mz said...

08:52 AM
on Jul 17, 2012

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I'm guessing that becca1704 is either still under 30, or married before she got to the point that “aging out” of a YSA ward was an issue. The reason for the midsingle/magnet wards are exactly the same as YSA wards. Both are intended to gather singles of a similar age together to help facilitate marriage. I agree that the gospel is the same regardless of you status, but it’s also nice to feel like you fit in with your ward. I’m 33, and a lot of singles in my age range have almost given up on the possibility of marriage and family. Once you age out of the YSA wards, it can feel like the church has given up on you finding it too. I’ve never felt unloved by my family wards, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel uncomfortable when I’m being pitied by (well-intended) ward members. I followed the website in this article and was very excited to see how many conferences there are for people my age. I moved 6 months ago and was thrilled to see a midsingles Facebook page for my area. Thanks for the great info!!!

superoliver said...

02:53 AM
on Jul 18, 2012

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I feel I come from a firm foundation in the gospel growing up & later serving a full time mission, then on to Ricks College & getting my degree. NEVER would I have imagined that I'd go in-active. It was so gradual. I know I'm not exclusive. It's the "MENACE TO SOCIETY AGE," the burden of simply being a mid single. Perhaps in larger populated LDS locations, the burden isn't so bad. But not everyone can be so fortunate. Where I'm from you just as much may not exist if you're above 30. At 1st I thought I had freedom when I was kicked out of the YSA ward. I thought I could go visit different singles wards around my state to get to know a pretty girl somewhere. But in the course of time, I didn't always have the money or the means to be always travelling. Then I realize my records are not in any of these distant singles wards anyway. NO ONE will miss me if I just take a break one Sunday from going. My former frequent visits dwindled to an occasional cameo appearance. Then ultimately stopped altogether. I feared the family ward from the start. Though my records were there, it wasn't the family ward I grew up in. No one knew me. But mainly I feared the family ward because I felt that it meant giving up on trying to find my future companion. I had known too many older singles stuck in a family ward just get older & NEVER marry. That wasn't for me. Then I went home to my roots & found people I grew up with & learned of a YSA ward there with some members even older than me. FINALLY a place to call home. I was warmly accepted. It felt great to be with familiar members but to also feel like I actually belong with a calling. I hadn't realized how much I missed that. Ultimately the bishopric changed up with one I didn't know & grow up with & was told I was "UNWELCOMED" & "A DANGER" to the rest of the singles. I was even escorted by the counselors like acting bouncers to exit. I felt overwhelingly HURT. The specific words chosen for me. I thought of the words on the building VISITORS WELCOME. I felt I'd be better welcomed if I wasn't a member but a strange visitor. I knew I was no danger to anyone. I decided I didn't like this AGE separation thing like cattle being herded to only associate with this group rather than another. Is it so wrong for a young 30ish single to date a 20ish single. Plus no above 30 singles wards existed anyway. There were only the occasional above 30 singles fireside where all the singles were literally my grandparents age who are just looking for new companionship in their twilight years & the moral of the fireside was , 'I know some day your grand kids will come back into The Church.' At least in the YSA ward I was only just above a decade older than most but still a lot closer to age than those singles firesides. I met with a number of church authority to discuss my predicament. Almost all use the same line of, 'What if you were a parent & saw your 18 year old daughter with a 30 or 40 year old man. I was surprised. What?! This didn't describe me at all. The assumption was to pick out the absolute youngest age from the age range. I told him, 1st off this isn't me. 2nd off, if I were a parent I'd want to know more about this person before passing judgment. There are many older singles that relate more to the younger crowd simply due to circumstance. Never married. Never had kids. Looks young for their age. Still has a full head of hair, no gray! Just because one is older doesn't mean they look like your parents. But more importantly, shouldn't parents & church leaders alike be happy to know that if these two hypothetical individuals truly loved each other & are temple worthy & are legal adults that that should be well enough as it is in the eyes of The Lord?? Again, this wasn't my situation but I didn't like being judged on a possible potential. I just wanted to BELONG again. If only to attend any kind of singles ward just for the act of belonging. I desperately need that combination of social & spiritual growth. So tired of being alone all the time. And I can't help think that members & leaders think that you're a danger just because you're older as if you were a sexual predator. It's because of these things that I've grown bitterness in the only true church. I rarely go to my strange family ward. It's ironic that I could feel so alone in a room full of people. But I do. I feel terribly uncomfortable around families. I can't date in a family ward. The girls are underage & the women are married to their husbands. At least the YSA were legal & single. Mostly its a feeling of ex-communication, sort of speak, even though you're a member still but being judged because of age rather than worthiness. I know The Church is TRUE. I don't want to confuse the issue of church policy vs the actual gospel of Jesus Christ. Like the difference between the LETTER OF THE LAW vs THE SPIRIT OF THE LAW. I know we are to cleave unto our eternal companions & multiply & replenish the earth. It's stressed like crazy in the YSA age. But if its so important at that age, how much more need have we being older? I think being older there should be MORE stress in helping you find your eternal companion. NOT less or cut off altogether as if being punished. We NEED more help than the YSA. Especially as we have careers & busy lives. Why do we have to wait until the NEXT life to find our eternal companion? I'm not so familiar with these so called MAGNET WARDS but I know I'm not alone & pray this can be a potential HOPE in a world of despair when it comes to the singles scene. And it felt good getting this off my chest because I'm not exactly getting any younger! ;) -OG

derblitz said...

03:05 PM
on Jul 24, 2012

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The church needs to create a midsingles committee that reports to the upper hierarchy to convey the needs of each area and make sure new programs get implemented. There are too many highly populated areas where the church is very strong that offer absolutely nothing to support midsingles. The retention rate would skyrocket if there was a committee accountable to make sure that programs were tailored to the needs of each area. You can only go so long before the midsingles throw their hands up and refuse to come back to a church that ignores them and makes them the lowest priority on the totem pole.

lolowalters said...

04:50 PM
on Jul 24, 2012

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Looks like we might have something new to discuss and come up with some creative ideas at the Boston Conference for 2013. The church does a great job of trying to make changes to accommodate, but I think what better way to change than to have those in it have a role in those changes. The church should help set up workshops and focus groups at these large conferences to help gather ideas and strategies for new single ward structures.

athome said...

11:12 PM
on Jul 24, 2012

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I appreciate this article because it gives some attention to this issue that is a huge deal for those of us in the age range. I don't think the church really knows what to do with "mid-singles" so we just end up getting ignored and as article says "ostracized". It is sad that a faithful, committed member of the church gets KICKED OUT (not graduated!) of any ward b/c of circumstances completely out of his/her control, such as turning 31. When a church leader tells you flat out that you are not allowed to attend a ward, that's a problem. Basically the message the church sends is that if you don't get married between the age of 18-30 there is something wrong with you and there is no place for you. The church directs mid-singles to a family ward where we receive more messages that there is something wrong with us, none of our accomplishments matter b/c we aren't married, we aren't fulfilling our divine calling in life, we get to sit alone, go to activities and sit through lessons that are geared towards families and that our lives are inadequate. (I won't even get started on the constant comments from people about your marital status.) It is sad that the only thing that defines a single person after the age of 31 is their marital status. A mid-singles or magnet ward may be in option in some areas of the country but it's definitely the exception. Superoliver - I completely agree with your comments and appreciate that you took the time to share your experience. Your comments are the perfect example of how the church disenfranchises and ostracizes faithful members because of some arbitrary age policy. There are so many mid-singles that stop going to church, not because they stopped believing, but because there is no place for them. Lots of mid-singles just end up 'disappearing' and guess what... no one cares b/c the singles ward kicked them out and they have no friends or peer group in the family ward. I don't think most people in the church really care about this issue b/c they can't relate, but for a lot of mid-singles it is very hurtful, painful and lonely.

justathought said...

12:52 PM
on Jul 29, 2012

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This is an especially tough & discouraging topic. I would like to be seen as an individual contributor - with talents and challenges just like anyone else in the gospel - married or single. "Magnet Wards" are perpetuating the problem. They're an extension of the singles scene I HAPPILY graduated from nearly 20yrs ago when I left BYU. (Thank goodness!) I appreciate The Brethren's encouraging words via conference talks to move forward, develop talents, serve, BE HAPPY. We are all having an earthly experience. Isn't our focus to help one another - single or married?

limorgan22 said...

02:19 PM
on Jul 29, 2012

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I think the Church needs to do away with YSA, midsingles and magnet wards and just have everyone join together in regular 'family' wards! We need to be around older people who can share their wisdom and knowledge with us. Shoot, they need to be around us too! If there were no singles wards, everyone would be together in family wards and you'd still find other singles to socialize with. I would love to have singles in my ward. There are many older, widowed singles in my ward, and it would be great if there were younger singles, too. I want us all to fellowship together and lift each other up, not divide into groups according to our marital status. I've been married 9 years and it hasn't changed how I worship. Ridiculous!

sweetcarol126 said...

02:36 AM
on Jul 30, 2012

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It would be helpful the church instructed the leadership in the proper names for the singles. The 31 and over age are single adults and the ones from 18-30 are YOUNG SNGLE ADULTS

sweetcarol126 said...

02:36 AM
on Jul 30, 2012

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It would be helpful the church instructed the leadership in the proper names for the singles. The 31 and over age are single adults and the ones from 18-30 are YOUNG SNGLE ADULTS

sweetcarol126 said...

02:42 AM
on Jul 30, 2012

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iN some stakes I have been in the young singles and single adults had some activities in common. Thre aren't as many in the east as there are in the west. I went to a dance in Utah once for single adults and we had more than we did in a several state conference in the east and we usually had to go farther to get to a confernce, too. I did remarry a newly converted LDS man in WDC 20 years ago. I do notice here that many refer to single adults and they mean young single adults so it would be nice if the local church leaders would refer to the two separate groups properly. This is the first time I've ever heard the mid single terminology. Does that mean the single women my age are old singles? I think single adults and young single adults was a great terminology. Howeer, many of the older ones no longer are interested in meeting someone to marry but do like activities. Sometimes it takes a dynamic leader of single adults to get something worthwhile going for them. When I was single I as in that mid group but it was because my 25year marriage ended. He didn't convert when I did.

marie2009 said...

05:58 PM
on Jul 31, 2012

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When I got married I was 20 years old and my husband was 33... There was nothing "creepy" or "dangerous" about it! I think we should stop segregating wards by age, nationality (langauge permitting), or marital status! If we all just went to church together there would be some of every group to get to know!

reasonating said...

06:26 PM
on Aug 14, 2012

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I found it strange that this article was so biased against mid-singles wards. I love my mid-singles ward, and I am so grateful that I live in an area where we have mid-singles wards. I appreciate that not every situation is right for every person, but having been to YSA wards, family wards, and now a mid-singles ward, I can tell you that it is a lot easier to get to know new friends, and hopefully/especially, romantic interests, when you go to the same ward as them, serve in callings with them, sing in ward choir with them, go to ward council with them, and hear their comments in Sunday School, etc. I have been in family wards where they just have a mid or older singles class or activity group, but often, only the boldest, most confident, or frankly, weirdest go to those activities, so those who are less outgoing are sometimes either not comfortable, or ignored. Or if you do go, you end up talking mostly to people you already knew anyway, or, to be realistic, only the best looking people get any “traffic” from new people. From a logistical standpoint, I have found that being in and serving in the same ward with the people you are trying to get to know better is a far superior method of meeting other singles in your age group (yes, sorry, I don’t want to date, or be stalked by, either a 20yr old or a 60 yr old) than going to an awkward dance or activity. (Note: If you are one of those super outgoing, “hot” people, who has no trouble meeting new people or getting dates, I am very happy for you, but you may not realize that you are the exception more than the rule, and the rest of us need an environment and structure that can help us maximize our chances.) :-) So, thank you, Brethren, for creating mid-singles wards! I hope more of my fellow members in a similar situation will be able to have this opportunity someday.

neotamino said...

01:56 PM
on Aug 15, 2012

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I think that any of types of wards mentioned could work but I also believe that there could be some adjustments made, in particular to the age requirements. I think the age requirements for the men should be solid. YSA, mid-singles, and over 45. However, I believe it would up the likelihood of marriage possibilities I the women had more flexibility in where they go. For instance, many woman in their mid to late 20s would choose to attend mid-singles, if given the option. I also think that would also be the case for women in their late 30s and early 40s to attend with the over 45 groups. I would also like to see some adjustments made for those with children. I always feel that it's so difficult for those who are raising their children alone. I have no children of my own but I don't feel they should be forgotten in family wards because they do. My heart goes out to them. Maybe we could enlist the help of the family wards in the form of callings to take the children with them while the singles are in their singles wards. I'm just glad that the brethren are pondering about us and are trying to figure out what the Lord would have them do in regard to us.

dayc said...

05:41 PM
on Dec 30, 2012

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I'd like to see all labels removed-because if the goal of the midsingles is to get married, and I'm 51, does that mean I'm no longer useful? Does it mean I no longer have hope in marriage? That's the message, and it sure does hurt.

chanman33 said...

07:39 PM
on Jun 22, 2013

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I know the exact feeling here, and speaking for someone outside of highly Mormon populated areas it is a lot worse. There is no YSA ward where I live and I went inactive at 23. I tried to attend church but never felt I was welcome there, so I went inactive. I never really stopped believing, but the longer I was away the more I began to stray from the path I knew I should be on. Recently I tried returning and went for about 6 mos, but at age 31 it was far worse than what I felt at 23. I no longer attend and do not miss it, every sunday was like pure torture sitting alone, talking to nobody getting weird looks when I did try to talk to other members. I am almost 33 now and have not been at all in a year and a half. Not one person has called or tried to contact me since. I still believe in the gospel but try being inactive for 8 years and try returning at 31. There is nothing for me at church I get nothing out of it, and I know for an absolute fact there are thousands more in the exact same situation. They are not married so they do not feel welcome and quit going falling into a life they never thought they would have when they were younger and so strong in the church, many I have talked to even lose faith completely, they feel any church that would turn it's back on them can't possibly be the true church, they do not harbor hard feelings towards the actual church but they no longer believe in the gospel and have moved on. I can tell you I went with one such member to a non denominational christian church he started attending and they do not have the same issue, even as a visitor I felt so welcome and at home there I would have began attending every week if I still did not believe in the gospel.

alohainoc said...

05:53 PM
on Nov 05, 2013

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try converting to the church as mid single.. it has not been cool and I even left after only a year in membership because I felt I could never marry if I stay in the LDS church at this age. I am single, consider myself pretty, educated and have a great sense of humor- dating outside the church is a non issue for me and very easy to do, I have no problems at all- but in the LDS church it seems sooo difficult and unusual that a woman would obtain a doctorate degree and prepare her life before marriage, now I am back and still feeling quite hopeless about marriage. I am grateful for articles like this that make me not feel so alone.

alohainoc said...

05:53 PM
on Nov 05, 2013

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try converting to the church as mid single.. it has not been cool and I even left after only a year in membership because I felt I could never marry if I stay in the LDS church at this age. I am single, consider myself pretty, educated and have a great sense of humor- dating outside the church is a non issue for me and very easy to do, I have no problems at all- but in the LDS church it seems sooo difficult and unusual that a woman would obtain a doctorate degree and prepare her life before marriage, now I am back and still feeling quite hopeless about marriage. I am grateful for articles like this that make me not feel so alone.

shmitty-the-loverboy said...

10:29 PM
on Nov 23, 2013

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How about this: get rid of the stupid age limit on YSA wards and start those wards at the age of 23 or 24. If you are single, you are single and if some young adult can't handle being around older adults then maybe they should go back to family wards till they are mature enough to do so. What the church has effectively done is create a big obstacle or (in a sense) made it impossible for those of us over 30 to meet and date women in our natural age range. Why should someone who is 31 or 33 be segregated and kept from meeting and dating women who are 25, 28, 30? That makes no sense and I do not feel that it is inspired of God. So here is the simple solution. Have one type of ward for all single adults whether they be 23/24 or whether they be 50. It should make no difference. If eternal marriage is so essential for exaltation than the church should keep the singles ward as an avenue for accomplishing that goal, open to everyone without a time or age limit. Again, 1 singles ward for all adults whether they be in their 20s or 50s. The Bible has no age limit on dating, nor should a singles ward. If you are single, you are single, no matter the age. The church teaches that time is only a small fragment of eternity yet they put such emphasis on age? Makes no sense to me.

shmitty-the-loverboy said...

10:35 AM
on Nov 24, 2013

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The church needs to stop segregating single adults by age. Let's have an 18 to 95 ward? haha Okay, 95 is an extreme example but still my point is have all single adults attend the same ward regardless of age.

shmitty-the-loverboy said...

02:47 PM
on Jan 25, 2014

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Consider this, all we hear about 18 and 19 year olds being uncomfortable around 30 year olds, maybe that is a sign that the age of 19 is too young to be in a singles ward? My solution would be to start the singles program at 23 or 24 and not have an age limit. I mean, if a 19 year old is uncomfortable around a 30 year old, it just means that they are too young for that type of environment. I think it is simply wrong to make a 19 year old more of a priority in helping them to get married then someone over 30. We should adults 30+ be sacrificed to placate the 19 year olds?

fogodeus said...

09:04 PM
on Jun 24, 2014

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The worst thing is that now this practice of separating people by age is trying to be enforce by church in many countries and cultures that have a much wide and rich relation between people of different age groups. This practice of age separation is common in English speaking countries mainly Canada and the USA. if you pay attention to other cultures in the world love and relationships and not dictated strictly by age. People are people, human beings. So, have we reach the point to believe that a 22 year old woman can not be in love by a 33 year old men?.....Who is to decide this?...how about a 29 year old women with a 38 year old men?....or a 25 year old with a 34 year old?.....why is the church doing social engineering by separating people like if they were cattle. People are more complex that just age and love (if we believe in it) has more sides that just age.

raff said...

04:49 PM
on Sep 21, 2014

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I a in my early forties and have been attending a regular ward for a long time. I've had opportunities to serve in many leadership and welfare callings, and have been a part of the ward and serving others in a very involved way. But this is the thing, I've never been included into the social fabric of the ward. I see a vibrant social life outside of church involving families and married couples. For a long time I felt ostracized and excluded, yet valued as a "resource" in the ward. While I believe mid-singles programs are part of the solution, I also have come to realize there is a social-cultural problem as well, and the problem is not single adults. It's not something that can be changed with a program or a policy. It is something that is much harder to change - human minds and hearts.

london said...

10:28 AM
on Oct 26, 2014

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I was divorced at 39 after 17 years of Temple marriage. I was in the EQ presidency when my ex cheated on me. I went in-active post divorce for a few years. Now at 44, I have thought about going back, but after reading this I am having some serious doubts. People never guess my age. People usually goess mid-30's and their jaw hits the flow when I tell them my actual age. It's horrible to think that if I were to go back, in 5 months there will be no place for me. I guess my age wants a second chance at a loving relationship and family as much as the 33 year old that was forced out of a YSA ward. Even more importantly, I have had a good track record at being successful in my marriage even though my ex wasn't faithful, and I have the finances and wisdom to make a relationship work. I guess I will likely just stay inactive. If you think it's hard to sit in a family ward as the creepy 33 year old single guy, imagine trying that at 44. I've been to a few firesides where there seem to be another group of singles for much, much older people. I'm talking oxygen tanks and diapers. I've tried dating non-LDS people, but it's not a fit. I never feel comfortable with them. I'm truly in a no-mans land at this stage of life.

rachel70 said...

10:30 AM
on Dec 03, 2014

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I can see why it would be so hard to not feel welcomed. There have been times where I didn't feel welcomed at church, too. It is easy to have happen with all of us imperfect people. I have even had a bad experience where a member of the bishopric did really inappropriate things to me and to sit there and see him on the stand each Sunday was so hard for me. But we have to remember the reason why we go to church. Even if not one person ever acknowledged who we are, we go to church to worship our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We go to church to take the Sacrament. The rest of it is all bonus. I can't let someone else's choices affect my standing with the Lord. So I had to go each Sunday and just position myself so I didn't have to see that member of the Bishopric. But I can't give any person that kind of power over me to destroy my relationship with the Lord. Being single may be a challenge in our lives and one day the Lord may ask if we let our challenges be roadblocks or if we turned to Him in our challenges. Please don't let being single come between you and the Lord!
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