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[00:00:00] As All In comes to a close over the next two weeks, I wanna make sure you know two things. First, these episodes aren't going anywhere. Every conversation we've had on All In will stay right here so that you can revisit your favorites and listen to episodes you may have missed over the years. Second, this isn't the end of conversations like the ones we've had on this show.

The team at Deseret Book is working on something new, and while I can't tell you much yet, I can tell you that it is being made by people who care about the same things you love about this show. Honest, heartfelt conversations that strengthen faith in Jesus Christ, the kind you've come to expect from All In.

So please stay subscribed here and continue to follow All In on Instagram so that you can hear the latest about this upcoming show first. As I tried to decide which interview would be my last, I kept coming back to this interview I did with the Hayward family. You may remember their son Dayton from a Mormon message released in 2011 where his 13-year-old friend Spencer pushed him in a race so that Dayton, who was born with cerebral palsy, could participate.

I kept coming back to the things I learned from the Haywards through our conversation and how I really felt that they epitomize what it means to be all in, and also that they represent everything that I have always hoped this show would be, a place where real people share their real faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Sharene Hayward has been married for 31 years to her husband, Wes, who introduced her to the Gospel shortly after he himself joined the church. They have raised six kids ranging in ages from 12 to 29 years old. She is a strong advocate for children with disabilities and believes in full inclusion for all people.

She loves running, cycling, and swimming and has completed many races with her son, Dayton. She loves being outside, spending time with her family, and being a mom. Dayton Hayward is Wes and Sharene's oldest child. He was born with cerebral palsy and a seizure disorder as well as vision impairment. He loves people, his family, and most importantly, his Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother, and Jesus Christ.

He is an ironman with his mom, loves hunting with his dad and siblings, and was the first non-verbal missionary to complete a service mission. He was called to serve in the Gilbert Temple and loves it there. Krisenia Newberry is Dayton's sister, and they are three years apart. She has been his best friend since the day she was born.

She is married and lives three streets away from Dayton with her husband, Jaden

This is All In, an LDS Living podcast where we ask the question, what does it really mean to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ? I'm Morgan Pearson, and I am so honored to have Shareen and Dayton Hayward, as well as Krisenia [00:03:00] Newberry on the line with me tonight. Welcome. Thank you so much for having us.

So nice to be here. We're excited. I am so excited. I already told Dayton that I am... I'm, like, fan-girling 'cause I've watched his Mormon message so many times. So it's fun to, to get to have the chance to chat with you all and to learn from you. I always feel like it's just such a blessing for me, personally.

I'm like, I don't really know if anybody else benefits from these episodes, but I do. And so I'm, I feel lucky to get the chance to, to learn from your family in this interview. So I wanna start out, Shareen, can you tell me about your memories of learning that you would have a child with cerebral palsy?

Sure. And first of all, your episodes are amazing, so they help m- not only me, but so many people. So you're awesome. You're so nice. Um, so Dayton is my first child. I was 23 years old when I had Dayton, when my husband and I had Dayton, and w- he was born, what we thought was normal delivery and a normal birth and normal pregnancy.

But then when he was about three weeks old, he started having seizures. We didn't really know they were seizures at first, so it took a whole lot of time for us to even realize that he had cerebral palsy. I think he was three years old when one of the doctors just kind of mentioned that, "Oh, and by the way, your son, you know, he has cerebral palsy."

So I thought Dayton just had a seizure disorder, which isn't just. That's big enough. And then a vision impairment and then cerebral palsy, and there really isn't a diagnosis for Dayton. Those are all more like labels. So we don't know why Dayton has these disabilities, but I was young, and I remember just feeling...

I don't know. I felt a lot of passion that I wanted Dayton to be raised normally, and I felt a lot of more strength and support. I didn't really grieve a whole lot. I'm not sure why I was blessed with that ability to not feel the sadness. I felt overwhelmed, and I felt, um, like I had to take care of one of Heavenly Father's most precious children, and I felt honored actually when Dayton was born, and a little scared.

But I don't remember feeling a whole lot of... I, I never felt angry. I just felt like I, I had an opportunity. I remember, uh, when he was about two months old, um, I told my husband after one of our major doctor appointments that it was time for us just to treat Dayton normally and do all the things that we would do if he did not have any disabilities, and so that's what we've done for him, for his life I think it's pretty remarkable.

I, I know I've said this about other situations on this podcast, but it's always amazing to me to hear people that talk about like this peace that passes understanding that like doesn't make any [00:06:00] real sense. Because to me, I would feel not only overwhelmed, but inadequate, you know? But you hear over and over again people that it's clear that they have been spiritually prepared, and you certainly seem like that, Sharene.

I wanted to ask you both, Krisenna and Sharene, how Dayton has blessed your family. Well, I guess I'll start with that. So I do think that angels were protecting me and, and ma- giving me strength, and I feel like they surround Dayton. And so there is no doubt that Dayton is the foundation of our home. He is-- I asked my daughter this.

She said that he is the super glue that holds us toget- us together, and he really is that. He's a strength to us, and we kinda look to Dayton as to how our life will be molded. For some reason and in some way, Dayton is the centerpiece of our family. I think he teaches us to look beyond what others can see.

He teaches my kids to serve. He teaches us to wait, to be patient, to not hold grudges because other things are way more important than that thing that we're upset about. Dayton is very calm. He's just-- he really is a super glue in our home and, uh, and, and he's a, a rock for all of us, honestly. I totally agree.

I mean, things take a long time when you have like a sibling with disabilities, and it was always really normal for us to like wait for-- like wait to get in the car and wait to go to bed, and I think that that waiting is part of the reason that we're all so close as a family is because we just spent a lot of time together.

And I think Dayton has also taught our family just to be really inclusive. So all of my siblings with friends growing up, like inclusivity was always a topic in our family that we were talking about at school, not just with Dayton, but with being inclusive to everyone at school

I wanna talk more about that, about how we can all be more inclusive as we go along. But really quickly, I believe, Sharene, you said that Dayton is your oldest, is that right? He is, yep. He's, uh, our oldest. Okay. And you also said that it's incredibly rare for people to continue to have kids, but you have how many younger than Dayton?

Yeah, Dayton's the oldest of six, so he has five younger siblings. And so he's- Amazing ... he's 29 and the youngest is 13. Or 12? She's 12. 12. Yeah. There's 17 years between them. Yeah. There's 17 years between me and my youngest sister, too, Dayton. We have that in common. Oh, that's awesome. Um, [00:09:00] many of us listening, or me were introduced to Dayton when the Mormon Message Dayton's Legs came out, and I have been inspired by that video for years now, and I'm sure many listening have as well.

I wondered if you could kind of bring us up to speed on Dayton's life since then. You bet. Yeah, I can. Can I answer a little bit more of that other one about the, the kids? Yeah, absolutely. Um, I think it, our family's a little bit unique in that we do have all these kids after Dayton. But I think that, I mean, when, when we had Dayton and I didn't know if we would have more kids with disabilities, I really wanted a family so that he would have some best friends, and I wanted him to have true best friends, not fake, not pretend, not trying.

But true best friends, and his siblings truly are his best friends. They're his therapists. They're everything to him. Entertainment. Entertainment, yeah. I mean, they keep him fully entertained. He has a completely, you know, normal life because of these kids that surround him, and he's never bored. Never, you know, he's busy, and they love him.

So that was a conscious choice, and I wanted him to have people who could always care for him and love him no matter what. So that, yeah, that's been really big in our home for sure, all the people. And as to now what Dayton's been doing, he is, he's truly an incredible boy. So that Mormon message was awesome because it sparked in Dayton...

I already knew that he loved to run because I would run with him a lot. That's when I actually first noticed that Dayton could see. He was considered, he's considered legally blind. He has cortical visual impairment. But when I would run with him when he was just a baby and we would look, he would look at the sky, and he would follow the trees against the, the li- the, the white sky or the blue sky or whatever, and I realized that he could see because he could follow those trees.

And so- I knew that he loved to run, but that message actually spurred so many things in his life. So I'm became a, a racer with Dayton, so we raced a lot of races together. And he and I did his first Ironman in 2012 with my good friend Tasha Adams. So we did an Ironman with him together, the three of us, and then James Lawrence, the Iron Cowboy, has done an Ironman with Dayton.

A really good friend who met Dayton during the Ironman, Iron Cowboy, Ryan Meltzer, qualified for the Boston Marathon with Dayton, so he's ran the Boston Marathon. I tried to qualify and I was just 10 seconds shy of that, and I remember when, when I crossed the finish line trying to qualify with him, just how, how I felt almost Heavenly Father say to me, "I've done enough.

I don't need to run the Boston Marathon. I've already qualified in, in being a mom." And that was so comforting to me, you know, because I was able to give that opportunity [00:12:00] away to another best friend of Dayton's. Let's see, um, Dayton has... is really big with outdoor experience. We're all here, and he hunts with his dad and his siblings.

They go hunting a lot, and he has a goal to shoot 10 big game animals in Arizona, and he shot eight, so he- we still have two left. Dayton has completed a service mission. He was the first non-verbal service missionary to be called to serve a mission, and that was a really cool story also, if you want me to give you the details.

But he served in the Gilbert Temple, and he served for three and a half years, actually. He would go twice a week and do an endowment session with a, with a companion, and he only quit because COVID kicked us out of the temple for, you know. But, so I don't know, he probably took 350 names through for endowment sessions during his mission.

He graduated from ASU Institute, and he's a brother. It's probably the best thing of all. He's a brother. He is such a good brother. So all while he was growing up, his siblings supported him, but now he supports all of them in all that they do and goes to all their games and concerts and so... That's where Dayton is And Dayton has done more than I will ever do.

You're way cooler than I am. Sharene, I would love to hear how the service mission came about. That's a really cool story. So Dayton wanted to serve a mission, and the service mission hadn't even been... He was 18, and there was no such thing as this service mission like there is now. And when he turned 19 is when, it was kinda cool when that service mission became a program.

And our, and our bishop came to us and said, "Dayton, I know, I know you want... I know you already... You know, you have your... taken your endowments, you, you've gone to the temple, are you ready to serve a mission? 'Cause I have a, an opportunity for you." So our bishop said that we have this opportunity for a service mission, but we didn't really know how Dayton could serve in a mission.

And we, Wes and I prayed about it. Some other, um, friend of ours in the ward said, "I bet that he could serve in the temple. He has a body. Although his body is disabled, he has a body that those spirits on the other side don't have. And so what if he serves in the temple?" And so we actually took that to our bishop and, and the stake president, and we were told no, actually.

"No, that's not something we can do. We're not really sure how to go about doing that." And so there was a big meeting, and one of the, I wish I even knew who it was, but one of the Seventies came to the service mission meeting. And we were there with Dayton, and he came up to us and he said, um, "I hear that Dayton wants to serve a mission.

How would you like to serve Dayton?" And he'd already told us he wanted to serve in the temple. And so I mentioned that to the Seventies and, but I said, "But we've been told that's, that won't work." And he said, "I want you to go back and ask him again." And I thought, "How? What?" Like, we've been told, "No, you don't really...

You can't really ask again." You know, I, I was uncomfortable. And he took a picture of Dayton [00:15:00] and he said, "I'm gonna send this to the prophet. I have a son who has disabilities, too, and he's gonna get a call. So go, go back and ask again." And so we did, and of course, you know, they don't really... Our, our... Nobody had done this before.

Nobody had had a non-verbal young man serve in the temple the way that we were, believed that Dayton could serve. And then about a month later, we got a letter from the prophet that said Dayton had been called to serve in the Gilbert Temple. That was his mission, was the Gilbert Temple, to be a, a temple worker for his mission.

And so really cool because that was just kinda, it was, it was created because of the Holy Ghost who told, helped us know what he desired, and his body is able to help people on the other side. His body that we think is so imperfect is so perfect for those spirits on the other side, so Really cool.

Amazing. I want to ask you a question. I didn't prepare you for this- Okay ... so you'll have to forgive me. But I have a dear friend who has a son who is non-verbal, and I know that when it came time for him to get baptized, they got a lot of pushback from people- Mm-hmm ... that, that, you know, had their opinions about whether or not he should be baptized.

How have you approached as a mom Dayton taking these steps along the covenant path? Well, I've ... every family is so different. And so my experience, I really, I, I really hope and I prayed even before this podcast that I wouldn't say that the way that I've raised Dayton is the way all people with children who have disabilities should raise their kids.

Everybody's so individual, and I c- I'm, I'm concerned about saying anything against what another mom or dad feels that they should do for their child. So, so everybody is right in their way that they're doing it. As for me and, and Dayton and, and my husband, Wes, we know that Dayton can understand. He blinks for yes, and so I know that he can understand the, the basics in primary.

You know? And so he went to primary. He did all the, the things that everybody else does. And when it came time for him to be baptized when he was eight, I just asked him, "Would you like to be baptized?" And he blinked, blinked, blinked, blinked, blinked. And so I knew that he wanted to be baptized. And we had a really wonderful bishop at the time.

I think we've always had amazing bishops who've been very, very good to Dayton, and this bishop didn't, um, hesitate at all, said that, "If Dayton wants to be baptized, and if he's blinking for yes, then I'll ask him the questions and he'll be baptized." And so we've done that with the priesthood, with going, you know, through the temple, all of it.

You know, he goes in and he has his bishop's interview, and I know that you may look at Dayton and think he does not understand, and some of the bishops and stake presidents I think are a little intimidated even. But [00:18:00] after their one-on-one meeting with Dayton, there have been several times where they've come out emotional and just said, "I can feel his words.

I know what he wants." And so we've just ... He was baptized at eight. He received the priesthood when he was 12. And do you see him smiling through? I don't know if you can see, but he, he loves the gospel more than he loves anything. He loves Jesus Christ Well, I love that about you, Dayton. I also love the gospel, so it's cool, it's, it's always cool to meet other people that feel the same way about it.

Krisinia, I wanted to, uh, come back to something that your mom said about Dayton being a big support to you and your siblings. What has Dayton's support meant to you specifically/what does, what does that look like for you, I guess? I think Dayton is just really constant. So first, I mean, he's so good at coming to our games or like my mom said, concerts.

I played volleyball in high school, and so he would come to my games with my parents. But even more than that is that he is just always constant. He's always home. There's always someone There. I remember, like, this is gonna sound silly, but before I got married, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I might never get married."

I was like, "That's okay, I guess. Like, I'll just hang out with Dayton. It's fine." And so there's just something really grounding about Dayton and knowing that he is always there listening. He... Like, he knows everything about, about me because he just, he listens to all of the conversations that we have, and he is just always there.

So well said. Thank you. What would you say are the biggest challenges that Dayton faces at this specific stage of life? At 29, right? You're gonna laugh because his, um, Kalia, his sister, who's almost 19, said excessive good looks. No, I, I asked her the question. He is pretty handsome, right? I think honestly it's the accessibility.

That's really hard for an older, an older, you know, a young adult. Uh, i- it's not easy for me just to pick up Dayton and carry him around like I used to. I would carry Dayton, and Chrisenia was nine months old, and she would be walking. So I would carry Dayton, and she would walk alongside me, and I just can't...

L- I, I lift Dayton and I carry him. I lift him in and out of our car. I, I can do it, but it's challenging. And there, there aren't changing stations available for young adults very many places. Things just take a long time. So accessibility is really hard. And I think if you don't have a big family like we have, which most people don't, I think often it's boredom.

I think that they don't... They're [00:21:00] bored, and they don't... They're not children in that they don't really need to watch or listen to, or Dayton doesn't... Sesame Street or, you know, the primary shows. But they need stimulation. They need to be talked to normally. You know, math and, um, history. And that's a wonder- one thing that he has with his siblings is they watch these amazing, you know, shows on TV.

He knows everything that a 29-year-old will know because he's surrounded with these kids. But I think that's a challenge most, most people face, those two, accessibility and, uh, being bored, actually. That makes complete sense. So we talked a little bit about Dayton's desire to live his faith and that the gospel is so important to him.

What have you learned about God by getting to be around Dayton? That God loves you no matter what. You don't have to be, you don't have to do anything. You are so loved. You don't have to prove it every day. You don't have to, uh, say the right thing or act the right way. You are just genuinely loved by God, and He never leaves you alone.

And so when you feel like you might be so alone, you're never alone. There was a time, Dayton was only a year old. I remember we were in our, like, the very first house we bought, you know, and brand-new baby, and he had a fever, and he was really sick. And I'm usually up in the middle of the night with Dayton, even now.

I, I get up every few hours with Dayton. I was up holding him, and I was praying to Heavenly Father, and a scripture came into my mind about the lilies of the field, that they're clothed. And if Heavenly Father can care for the lilies of the field, He'll care for you. He'll care for Dayton. He'll care for you.

He's gonna take care of you. And then the other scripture came into my mind that was, "The Father hath descended below all these things art thou greater than He." And I thought, "Well, if, if He can do that, I can do it. Dayton c- we can do this," you know? And I wasn't alone. I, I felt... I've never felt alone in this life because I know that Heavenly Father is with me, and He's with Dayton.

Dayton has a lot of seizures at night, and I remember my mom telling me that it's okay because angels are with him. Sherene, you don't have to... Like, if you miss a seizure, if you don't get up in the middle of the night, it's gonna be okay. And now she's passed away on the other side, and I think it's my mom who's with him at night.

I just, I know that, um, Heavenly Father loves you. He w- He's with you. You're never, ever by yourself, never, and you don't have to be perfect to be loved

I hear you say that, Sharene, about still getting up multiple times in the middle of the night, and I, I have two toddlers, and one of them is a really good sleeper. The other one is not. And I'm like, how do you do that for [00:24:00] 29 years? Because I'm like, I am so sleep deprived, and you've been doing that, and you had five more kids.

Yeah. I mean- How did you do that? I'm still tired. I'm so tired. Like, I mean, if someone asked me how I am, the first thing that comes to my mind is, "Ugh, so tired." I'm tired. I don't know. I pray for strength every day. I pray that Heavenly Father will give me strength, and somehow He does. Somehow He does. And I have an amazing husband who picks up for me with me.

He does so much for me. All the kids, they're amazing kids. They really, they really pick up pieces. Um, they're all certified. They all know how to take care of Dayton. So I'm so tired, but I am given strength, for sure. Kristenia, how has watching your parents care for Dayton changed you? Like, how has ... 'Cause I feel like that would be something where it's like there's no way you're not affected by that.

Yeah. I think it's just a really beautiful example. I know that my mom was talking about how Dayton has taught her about how God's love is consistent and always there, but I feel like in the same vein, watching them take care of Dayton has helped me feel like their love is consistent and always there because they give and give for Dayton, and then are tired and still give and give and give for.

And so I think that watching them, I just have learned they work so hard. So, uh, definitely the value of hard work, but I think even more than that is just how constant their love is No, I love being Dayton's mom. I, I love being Kersenia's mom. I love being a mom. I'm so grateful. I love being a mom. My parents, my...

They've worked really hard to not make us feel less important than Dayton or like we're neglected. They work really, really hard to be really present for the rest of us, and, um, I think that is also a big reason why we're so close as a family. I don't feel like I have ever been neglected because they're taking care of Dayton.

Well, you all are remarkable. Yeah. And I already, I'm like, I just wanna be a better person um, from talking to you. Um- We mess up all the time. I promise we mess up. And there are days where I'm so tired, and I just, I can't do it anymore, but I still do it. There's no choice, you know? But we're not perfect over here, for sure.

We just, I think we've been really, really gifted to have a perfect spirit in our house. And I mean, it's, it's hard to not see that every single day. It's hard to not feel that. So I can be really, really frustrated or like tired and, [00:27:00] and changing him or feeding him and feeling like I can't do this anymore, and then somehow I feel Heavenly Father every time.

So I, I'm so grateful for that It, that reminds me of there's that scripture, and I have no idea the reference off the top of my head, but the one where it says, "When thou art weary, he waketh morning by morning," something like that. And I remember reading that at a time in my life where I just felt so exhausted and thinking Heavenly Father keeps going with me and ke- can keep me going.

And I, I do think that we feel that at times when we're so tired. I wanna talk a little bit about that idea, Kristinia, that you said earlier about inclusivity, and I wondered what do the two of you wish that others understood about Dayton or others like Dayton, and what do you think he wishes other people understood about him?

I think, I mean, Dayton is just like you. Dayton is just like me. He has things he loves. He has things he doesn't love. He has favorite foods, favorite places. He has emotions. He feels sadness and joy. He's just like you and me. You know, he loves Star Wars, and he loves to be outside, and he loves the wind.

And also, he understands things, and I know that all people, all kids who have disabilities can understand. They are all in their bodies, and I think that he wishes that people knew that he can understand, and also that he's not frustrated if you may not ... if it may take you a little bit of time to get to know him.

Dayton doesn't get his feelings hurt. He's not judgy at all, and he understands that he doesn't talk. And so I think that, I think Dayton just wants people to know that he loves them, and he's comfortable with whatever they have to offer, and he's grateful for it Yeah. I think Dayton, number one would be that he understands and that you can talk to him.

But second, and along with that, I think is, like, he is happy with questions. He, like, and instead of leaving an elephant in the room, Dayton would love for the elephant to be addressed. Like, ask questions and be curious about, about Dayton. It's not rude. It is just, it's how we develop relationships with anybody.

That makes complete sense, and I also recognize that, like, I've been the person on the other side of that where it's like I don't wanna say the wrong thing or ask the wrong question. And [00:30:00] so I, I feel like it makes complete sense that Dayton would want there to be questions. He would want there to be answers given for those questions.

But I also see the other side of it. For families who do not get the opportunity to interact as intimately as a sibling does, what would you two say we can do to teach our children specifically about these differences and about inclusion? Because I, I think for me as a mom, I'm like, I, I wanna make sure that my kids are inclusive, that they recognize that there's beauty in our differences, but I don't know exactly how to teach that.

Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Sure. A story from when I was little comes to mind. When I was little and Dayton was little- There was a time when... Well, always, Dayton drools a lot, and so I said to my mom, "That's so gross. Dayton's drool is gross." And instead of saying, "No, it's not," or, "That's so rude, be nice," she said, "Yeah, it is a little gross sometimes, isn't it?"

And then it wasn't a problem after that. And so I feel like approaching people with disabilities in that way where it's like, "Yeah, that is different. Yeah, that... Yeah, that is a little bit... Like, maybe that is a little bit gross, or maybe that is a little bit... Like, it's just different from, from your body, right?

Like, that's okay." I feel like that can really help with true inclusion, because we're not throwing it under the rug, or, like, we're not saying, "No, that doesn't exist, and no, you have to be so nice. That's so mean." It's just acknowledging what is and saying like, "Yep, that's how it is, and, like, that's not all that Dayton is."

I don't know. Yeah, that's not all that he does is drool. Or the reason why he drools, you know. Like, he drools because he has cerebral palsy. That means his muscles don't work anywhere in his body, especially his tongue. And so educating... You know, kids are the very best. They're so good at asking questions.

I think it's been harder to include Dayton as an adult than it was as a kid, because kids are so beautiful at just loving no matter what, and they, they... You know, I might be different than some other moms. I don't get offended. I absolutely love when kids ask and when they come up and when they, they approach him and they, you know, they say what you would think was rude, but they're just being real.

And then that gives me a chance to talk to them and for Dayton to get to talk to them and interact with them and, you know. Um, his service dog has been so good because more kids approach him with a service dog, and they just wanna pet the dog, and then they realize, "Oh, this dog is attached to a [00:33:00] wheelchair."

And so that has made it a lot of fun for Dayton, I think, you know. But he's had the very best friends, um, and they all started out in elementary school. He was 12, I think. From the time he was probably six to 12, those friends that he made during that time are still his best friends today. And so I just think kids are amazing.

I, I honestly wish all people would have a child with disabilities. I think it's the best gift in the world. And, um, I understand that I have been given that gift, and so I have kids who are inclusive, but there have been many, many parents who've had kids who've Be- their kids have become friends with Dayton because the mom or dad has just talked about Dayton in a very normal way.

Like, "Oh, he, his arm is tight, that's because of this reason," or, "Nope, he can't walk, and, and this is why. And oh, his toes are curled a little bit. Yeah, those muscles are so stiff. I bet we could massage them. Do you think that would make him feel good, Dayton? Would it make him feel good if I touch your toes, or do you think that's weird?

Is that weird?" You know, they just talk normal, and I, I think that's the best way to do it. Yeah. I recently was talking to a dear friend of mine whose daughter was born with some, some physical disabilities. What would you say, Shareen, is the best word to use when referring to, like, a physical- Yeah. You said it good, someone who was born with a physical disability.

I think the word that most people don't like anymore is handicap. I don't think that's- Okay ... a, a pretty word. But I think anything else doesn't really matter. It's, it's ... I mean- Okay ... and I don't think people get mad, because we don't know. We're just trying. I'd rather people say the quote "wrong" thing than nothing at all, because then that just means that they care and they really don't know, and that's okay.

So I was talking, I was talking to this friend, and she was talking about how she wished that more parents around her talked to their kids about her daughter. And sometimes in an effort to, like, act like it's totally normal, w- it's like a, an avoidant or ignoring, and I think, like you said, talking about it sh- modeling how to, how to treat someone, that goes a long, long way.

And I wanna say this. I wish everybody listening- Uh-huh ... could have seen Dayton's face when you started talking about his service dog. Because he got the biggest grin on his face. He does. And I loved seeing that. How do the two of you wish that people, specifically within the church, because I think in a church setting, everything is a little bit different, how could we as a church be better at being inclusive?

I think our church is doing a really good job in some ways, and I think there's still growth. You [00:36:00] know, so maybe as a church or as a whole recognizing that we don't have it quite right yet, and allowing for individualized care for those people. You know, like church times, like right now 8:30 is a really hard time for Dayton to get to church.

It's a tough one for him, and so I'm not sure how to solve that problem or that dilemma, but that's a dilemma in his life. You know, if, if we get him up to go to church at 8:30, he'll have seizures all day, and so that's not gonna work. You know, so the Zoom meeting is great, or maybe allowing him to go at a different time, or when he was younger, having an aide.

I know that that's really hard for some people, but there's just... there are... Like, think outside the box. There isn't a box when it comes to kids with disabilities. Completely be creative. Think outside. Think of how if you were that person in that space, what would you like, and then do that. Because I think that's the best way that we can include.

And also, when you're a kid, it's embarrassing to include other people who may be different. And so maybe we can really focus on... And I do this with our kids, my kids, but be that one that, that stands out because really other people will follow you. You know, be brave to do the thing that other people might be embarrassed about doing, because they're all thinking it.

Everybody's thinking about how can we do this and how can we include and how, how can I get that person there? Just be that person to do it, and other people really will step in and help. Like my mom said at first, we are doing... Like, the church is doing a good job in a lot, a lot of ways. Like Dayton's Young Men's group, they included him so well.

They... Like, I mean, Dayton's legs, the video came because of a Young Man Award. Dayton hi- hiked the Grand Canyon with the Young Men's group, and they switched off carrying him down the Grand Canyon, and... But a, like, a big piece of that is the individualization of, like, these are the things that Dayton can do, and these are the things that Dayton wants to do, um, and they're totally different from another person with disabilities and what they can do and what they want to do I went back and revisited the Dayton's Legs video, and then I was

I kinda went down a rabbit hole because I was like, "Where is Spencer now?" You know? Yeah. Um, and so I guess that's, that's another question. You mentioned that, that Dayton is still good friends with his friends from- Yeah ... kind of that age group. How have those friendships looked as Dayton's friends have gotten married and had kids and things like that?

You know, they've been so good to Dayton. They'll come ... Spencer came over and [00:39:00] when he was having his first baby and told Dayton that they were having a baby, and then he'll just, he'll bring his wife, he'll bring his baby to introduce him to Dayton. Or Dayton was the best man for one of his companions. He has another friend, Jacob Coy, and Spencer Zimmerman were in the same ward for a long time, and Jacob met Dayton right around the Dayton's Legs time.

And he just came for a week this past month and brought his wife and his daughter and visited Dayton for an entire week. Where he would come and do whatever Dayton wanted for that day, you know, whether it was, like, going to the temple or going swimming or going to the new Star Wars movie or whatever.

And they're, they really love him. And I don't make it happen. They, they are the ones that reach out. So they do text me, but I don't, I don't reply until I read the text to Dayton, and Dayton tells me what to reply. So sometimes it takes a bit for me to get back because I want it to be from Dayton. But he has these amazing, amazing friends.

And another girl who was, um, a wonderful all during elementary school, just, she just, she'll, she reached out to him all through high school, you know, not just through elementary school. They went to two different high schools, and she invited him to her, uh, graduation from college party. And they're just

They're, they think of him Well, I think it's, it's such a blessing for them to have had Dayton because I think teenage years can be so all about me ... and anything that forces us to look outside of ourselves is like a blessing. Sharene, I wanna ask you one question, and this is probably total ignorance on my end, but what does communicating with Dayton...

You've mentioned that he blinks for yes. What do you feel like are the best ways for you to communicate with Dayton? And Kristena, you can chime in on this as well. Well, there's all kinds of augmentative communication devices out there, and we've done pretty much all of them. You know, they have like the...

They have all kinds of wonderful things, and they're awesome for a lot of kids and a lot of people. Dayton has a challenge that he can't see very well, and he, he looks to the left, but his l- The whole left side of his body works a little bit better than the right. So he looks to the left and his left arm reaches over to the right.

So he can't see a switch very well, and so al- although I've, I've tried all these things for so many years, I just have resorted to just asking him yes/no questions and he'll blink for yes. I mean, one of the cool stories I remember, and I've, I just, I love this story because it showed me that he was blinking...

He started to blink when he was three years old in, at preschool. And I thought he was blinking at me for yes, but I wasn't really sure until his teacher sent home a note and said, "Sharene, I think Dayton's blinking for yes. Ask him a bunch of questions." So she noticed it, too. So he figured out how to communicate with us, and we had to figure out his language.

He responds when you watch. [00:42:00] When you believe that Dayton will answer you, he will answer you. If you don't think Dayton will answer you, he, he won't. He'll put his head down. He'll... Yeah, he'll just put his head down. He used to fake going to sleep if you didn't talk to him like he thought that you could understand.

So then if, if you didn't really talk to him like he was intelligent, he'd sleep, and then you'd walk out of the room and he'd open his eyes and smile. That's how he just was like, "You know what? They're not gonna listen to me, so I'm just gonna pretend sleep." Dayton's like, "I'm over it." Yeah. So, yeah. Dayton, thanks for not doing that to me during this interview.

I appreciate it. Um, well, my last question for you is, and, and I just wanna say thank you both so much. You both are so well-spoken and thoughtful. And, um, Dayton, thank you for being willing to do this interview. It really means a lot to me, and I wish that other people could see you like I get to see you.

I love your Chosen T-shirt, too. Um and so my, my last question for you is: what does it mean to you to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ?

Do you mean like for, for me or for Dayton? Or who do you, who do you want to know? Yeah, for you and then actually it would be awesome to have you share, you both share what you think Dayton would say. That would be cool. I think

I did not prepare. I think being all in the gospel of Jesus Christ looks, it looks like loving God and loving people. And we can get so caught up in the nitty-gritty of everything, but really, it's loving God, loving people. Thank you. Shireen? Yeah. It's not being perfect, but realigning yourself every time.

And it's, for me, it's hoping and believing and having faith. And there's a quote, can I read it? I have a quote that I want to share, and this to me- Yeah ... um, it's from Elder Maxwell, and I, I have it in my head all day, all the time, actually. It's, "One's life cannot be both faith-filled and stress-free.

Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life as if to say, 'Lord, give me experience but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made thee what thou art, then let me come and dwell with thee and fully share thy joy.'

Real faith is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process." And I just, I love that quote because faith isn't s- [00:45:00] everything going perfectly right. Belonging to the gospel of Jesus Christ doesn't mean that things always look perfect. It means just continually knowing that He's there and that we have to go through this kinda stuff so we can become like Him, and so that we can feel Him, and so we can love Him.

And so that to me is what being all in the gospel of Jesus Christ is. And Dayton and I talked about all these questions ahead of time, but I already know what Dayton would say. So Dayton loves Jesus. Being... For him, the answer is just being best friends with Jesus Christ, remembering Him, knowing He lives, knowing He's your brother, and that He, I mean, He's your brother, and I think that's what it means for Dayton to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I hope I got that right. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you all so much for taking time to be with me and for sharing your light and your goodness. It really means so much to me, and I know that so many people will benefit from your willingness to, to share your experiences, so thank you. Thanks so much, Morgan.

Yes. Following our interview, Sharene had one last thing that came to her mind, and I am so glad that she decided to share it. Dayton and I have always been able to communicate together even though he is non-verbal. His blinking has been such a gift to our family. When Dayton was serving a mission, I had the opportunity to write a letter to his mission president every month with Dayton.

I would sit down with Dayton, and it would take us hours in the beginning to write this letter. I would write what I thought Dayton would want to say, and I would ask him, and if he blinked, I would leave it. If he did not, I would delete it and start again. I would change even one word at a time. I got to where I was able to understand Dayton even better while he was serving a mission so that at the end of his three-and-a-half-year mission, I could understand him, and we could write that letter so much quicker.

I can hear Dayton's voice in my head. I just ask him if what I am hearing is correct or not. He always tells me if I get it right. To me, this is spirit-to-spirit communication. He also was not sick one day of his mission. This is the first time in his life that he ever went that long without getting sick.

When he was released, his mission president told Dayton that out of all of the things that he has done, serving a mission was the greatest thing. I believe that, for Dayton and for me, was such a blessing

We are so grateful to the Hayward family for sharing their time and testimonies with us. As always, a big thanks to Derek Campbell of Mix at 6 Studios for his help with this and nearly every single episode of this podcast. As I sign off for the last time, I would be remiss if I didn't thank the [00:48:00] many people who have been willing to share their faith on this show.

I'd also like to express gratitude to Deseret Book for the chance to host this show. It has been the opportunity of a lifetime. Over the last eight years, I have benefited from these conversations more than anyone. I'm often asked, as a result of this show, what it means to me to be all-in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

In a recent BYU devotional address, Elder Alexander Dushku said, "The core of Heavenly Father's plan to save and exalt us is the gift of His Son, Jesus Christ, who is full of love for each of us and mighty to save. The question for you and for me is whether we will choose to receive that gift, whether we will receive Him and allow Him to be with us.

Over and over again, Christ invites us to abide in Him, be one with Him, and walk with Him. He seeks intimate communion with each of us, but He cannot force that communion. That is why agency matters so much." End quote. Being all-in is a choice. It is a choice to make and keep covenants that bind us to a perfect promise keeper who, as Elder Dushku put it, wants to be in intimate communion with each of us.

Throughout these interviews, I have been reminded that these covenants are the most beautiful gift of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I consider it a privilege to strive to live these covenants alongside people like you. Your lives and your goodness are a testament of the power of covenants to make us better than we are on our own.

I've loved meeting so many of you over the last eight years and hope that if our paths cross, that you'll continue to say hi, and that together, like Alma when he was surprised to run into his friends, the sons of Mosiah, we can experience the joy of finding that we are still brothers and sisters in the Lord.

Until we meet again, wherever that might be, thank you for listening