Kevin Rolfe: A Never-Ending Love Story

Morgan Jones Pearson

It is a love story that sounds like it came from a Nicholas Sparks novel but Kevin and Lindsey Rolfe's love story is entirely true. When they had not been dating very long Lindsey was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. After dating for several years, the couple was married in January 2020 and later sealed on November 5, 2021. Just 11 days later, on November 16, Lindsey passed away at the age of 41. In many ways, this story is better than a Nicholas Sparks novel. It is the story of a love that has the ability to go on forever. Kevin Rolfe works in digital marketing for Aspen appraisal group, but he also simultaneously runs a website called Utahconcertreview.com where he uses his lifelong love for music in his role as editor in chief. This is All In, an LDS Living podcast, where we ask the question what does it really mean to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ? I'm Morgan Pearson. And I am honored to have my friend Kevin Rolfe on the line with me today. Kevin, welcome.

Kevin Rolfe

Morgan, thank you so much for having me.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Well, I have told Kevin this before we started recording, but over the last year or so, over and over again, I've had this feeling that I needed to reach out to him and see if he would be willing to share his story. And I finally did it because I felt like enough time had passed that it would. It would be something where both of us would not spend the entire time crying through the episode. But if that happens, Kevin, it's totally okay.

Kevin Rolfe

That's good to know.

Morgan Jones Pearson

But as we start out when you started dating Lindsey, this is the one thing that I wasn't totally clear on as I was preparing my questions. When you started dating Lindsey, had she already been diagnosed with cancer?

Kevin Rolfe

No, she hadn't. She was diagnosed about two years into us dating.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Okay. And tell me a little bit just to give people an idea of what Lindsey is like, tell us about what initially attracted you to her.

Well, it's funny because this is gonna sound weird, but hear me out. What initially attracted me to her? I don't really know. And this is what I mean, we matched on a dating app. I used to like to joke that we met in the grocery store and we were both reaching for the same avocado, you know, one of those like romantic movies or whatever, you know, rom coms. But there's just something you know, when you're on those apps, you're kind of swiping and different things catch your eye, and there's just something that caught my eye, every one of her pictures looks different. So it wasn't necessarily like a visual attraction because I wasn't sure which one, she I would joke with her. I'm like, I didn't know which one was you. But I think it was just the way she wrote in her profile was just very non-pretentious. It's kind of like those profiles, you're kind of advertising in a way and it just wasn't like that. It was just kind of like, this is me and I think I just kind of liked it. So I thought, Hmm, what, almost like a why not? You know, and because I don't know that any of us really expect to meet somebody on one of those apps. And sure enough, we matched. And then really, I guess the real thing was just the conversation. I just enjoyed talking with her. I thought she was really funny, which is something that I really place a high level of importance in and she just was very witty, very funny. And then by the time we finally met, you know, she was beautiful and just had an infectious laugh. And I could just tell she was really nice. And that's something that was always important to me. I always wanted to be with somebody really nice, which sounds like yeah, sure, why not. But there's just a genuine niceness about her that was like far beyond what I've ever seen in somebody. And so I guess that would be it.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Well, I met Lindsey one time and can attest to that, that she has a goodness about her, the kind of goodness that draws draws people in and makes them want to get to know her. Kevin, one thing that I noticed is that even before you got married, you frequently added how hashtags on your post on social media. And that hashtags said "#thisteam." I'm curious, what did that mean?

So, one of the things that we connected on is we're both big baseball fans. I'm a huge Los Angeles Dodgers fan. And this is one of the things I really loved about her. If I was to ask you, who's your favorite college basketball team, you would specifically say, the University of North Carolina Tarheels. Correct?

Morgan Jones Pearson

That's right. Correct.

Kevin Rolfe

With her, she was a history teacher. And ever the historian she said, the 1999 Yankees, this one specific team is the team, and I don't know, I just, gosh, it just really, I loved it. And so anyway, we would love baseball. And throughout the course our first year dating, we would watch Dodger games, and we even went to California and went to one. And when they went into the playoffs, they used the hashtag "#thisteam" throughout that playoff run. And as time went on in our dating, we dated for three years before we got married. And the reason why is within the first year, her son had some health issues. And I think the instinct is to be like, Well, this guy is gonna run because who wants to...what guy who doesn't have kids is just gonna jump in and want to deal with this situation that's just a little unsettled? And so I think initially, I just said it, not as a joke, but just the lightheartedly, I'm like, I'm not going anywhere and I just would say, "this team," so I started to use it on social media as kind of a not so secret message to her that we're a team and, and not to be super sports analogy but just to use that term, and personalize it, it kind of helped because then in another year, she was diagnosed, and I think we weren't married or engaged. And I think she thought you have every right to go to run, you don't need to be part of this, this isn't your thing. And so I would then again, say "this team." And so then when anything got hard or difficult, we were looking at each other, and one of us would say it. And so it's just kind of our little thing that's based out of this playoff run from my favorite baseball team. But it just seems so fitting for the things that we went through.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Yeah. Kevin, why didn't you run when those hard things started to come?

That's a good question. And in the midst of all that, I would ask, I think sometimes you think, Well, I'm not going to run because that's not what...I consider myself a good guy. So I think that's not what a good guy does, right? But in the thick of it and the difficulty of some of these things. You do have to ask the question, like, am I suited for this? Am I the right person to be for this? Can I do this? And it always just came down to never really more questioning? It just came down to Yeah, I loved her so much. And I just that's just kind of what it came down to. I just wanted to be there. And I felt like she needed just that sidekick always and never question whether this guy is going anywhere. It just was and I knew it was gonna be me. And I wanted it to be me. And I'm really honored that it was me.

Morgan Jones Pearson

I love that. Kevin, you two were married in January 2020. And in March 2020, you discovered she was at that point when you got married in remission. But you discovered that her tumors had returned. Lindsey was participating in and undergoing treatment in a clinical trial that I know you all were really hopeful about. But in the end, she posted and said she had learned it wasn't a fit for her. Her cancer had gotten worse. What did you learn from Lindsey about acting in faith in terms of taking that risk? But then also accepting when the results are not what we'd hoped?

Well, this one is it's I've been thinking about this, and it's a little difficult to answer. But I think the thing that I love so much about her through all of this and she was such a fighter. She was very kind and loving, but she was also very feisty. And in this regard. I think a lot of people to comfort her or to just share their love would be sharing their testimony of the gospel or there's the plan and that things happen for a reason, or just a lot of things that people say and I don't necessarily disagree with any of those things, but sometimes in the midst of it, it doesn't necessarily help, right. And so with her, it was like, no, I want to be here, I want to raise my son, I want to be cured of this, I'm going to do everything that I can. And she was never in denial, she was never pretending you know that this wasn't a thing. She was very aware of her mortality. And within that, I think it brought her the faith to know "if I do everything that I can, whether it's the doctors or in my diet or whatever I have to do and it doesn't work. I'll know I've done everything." And she just had faith that this was the way it was supposed to go. But that was something I was really always impressed with because on my end, I was trying to just be a support. And sometimes that's hard, because it seemed hard, you know, in the midst of fighting for all this, I just didn't want her to be let down when things didn't work. But at the same time, without optimism, everything seems really terrible.

Kevin Rolfe

Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's a great word for it. And so she was very optimistic so I was doing my best to be as well. As you're watching this person go through this, it's very helpless feeling but her optimism and faith were in inspiring and above all that her accept ultimate acceptance was beyond inspiring and admirable.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Bleak. Well, I always love that the opposite of hope is despair. And I think that's why hope is so important. Because it doesn't make sense for us to choose to live life in desperation. But I totally understand what you're saying, because my husband and I were, like, opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of, I'm very much a God has a plan for us as long as we're doing everything that we can, and he always emphasizes that everything we can, you know, like, we got to do our part, we have to use our agency. And we always joke that the reality of the situation is probably somewhere in the middle, in terms of making sure that yes, we are using our agency and doing everything, so that then we can be like Lindsey, and leave it in the hands of God. But that action, faith is action, we have to do something

I guess, apparently we had all these things that would help inspire motivate us. But another thing that we would say is knowledge is power. Because sometimes you're gonna go to the doctor, you're gonna hear bad news, or good news, or we don't know news, which is maybe more frustrating than the other two sometimes. But having that mantra was helpful, because no matter what happened, we just wanted to know about it, and then be able to move forward having faith in the next steps, having optimism, or just acceptance. And as hard as it was to hear some things, it just was better to know than to wonder, because wondering and not hearing anything, just sends you into a tailspin. And so knowledge is power has helped us so much in our lives going through all of that, because it just is better to know.

Morgan Jones Pearson

I completely agree. It's like the the Scripture about if you're prepared, you shall not fear. And I think that's, the thing that allows us to eliminate fear is what we know so I love that you shared that. Kevin, there were some extenuating circumstances surrounding your sealing, your temple sealing. Tell me about that. And why in the end, looking back that's ended up meaning so much for you.

So with our sealing, it was interesting. So so we got married in January of 2020. We were supposed to be sealed on that day as well. Lindsey wanted Finn to see us married. And so we were planning...the Church had changed the policy where you don't have to wait a year if you get civilly married to then get married or sealed in the temple. And so we wanted to take advantage of that. She wanted Finn to see that, I have family that are not a part of the Church and I wanted them to see us get married. And so what we were going to do is have that ceremony. And then we were gonna go over to the Provo temple. We got married in Provo, and then over to the Provo City Center Temple. However, my paperwork got kind of lost in the shuffle with my stake president. And so by the time he sent it in, there was no time. And so we just decided, we'll just be civilly married. And then we'll set a new date and we'll get married in the temple, or sealed in the temple. And, of course, COVID happens, and temples are shut down. And then even when they started to let it back, Lindsey was immunocompromised. And we just, you know, wanted to be careful of that but we wanted people to be there, at least our you know, immediate families that could go and so we kind of waited and we waited. And then finally, all the way to November 2021. Well, let me go back just a tad. We found out I believe, in October, maybe late September that she was given about six months, that trial,you had talked about didn't work. And they put her on chemo, but they were trying to be realistic. And so it was weird though, because we back in July or August, we had decided we need to do this. They're starting to let more people come to the sealing. And so let's start scheduling this. And so we were actually working on it. And the Provo City Center Temple is a very popular temple and it was pretty booked. And so we actually decided to get sealed on November 5, at the Jordan River temple where her parents work, are ordinance workers. And November 5 is my parents anniversary, we got engaged on her parents anniversary. So it's kind of like a bookends in a way. And so we got sealed on that day.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Kevin, how many days was it between your temple sealing and when Lindsey passed away?

Kevin Rolfe

It was only 11 days.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Okay. And so talk to me about the grace that you witnessed from her when she knew it was her time to go?

Well, it's weird the way things play out, you know, obviously, we wanted to get married and sealed on the same day. But the fact that we got sealed in November, just 11 days before her passing were just, it was just interesting to see how it all played out. The day before we were to be sealed, Lindsey was in great spirits. She was feeling pretty good. She saw some friends. And she even mentioned when we were going to bed, "If I feel like this tomorrow is just gonna be an awesome day." Well, unfortunately, she woke up and she was very nauseous and very fatigued and had a terrible headache, all the things that come with the side effects of cancer and so she'd slept and rested and tried and she was determined, she was determined. Because I said we can put this off or I don't know why I was just trying to think of options because she just was in bad shape. And she's like, No, this is happening today. I want this to happen today. Which made me wonder what she felt or maybe knew. But she got up, went to her sister's, got ready. She was in a wheelchair and was on oxygen and just really struggling. But it's like nothing I've ever seen. We went into that sealing room, she was coughing a lot. She stopped coughing. Color came back into her face. She looked amazing. And just, gosh, the way it felt in that room is like nothing I have never felt and don't expect to ever feel again. It just It was incredible. So they actually wheeled her to the altar. They didn't want her to have to get out and kneel through that and and I knelt and you just see all the people in there that you love so much. And you can see there's not a dry eye in the room just because of the love we had. And also, of course, due to the circumstances. The next day, it's so weird how things happen. She felt the way she had the day before, saw friends, felt great. But I think, I don't know, I don't know how things work in the grand scheme, but just seeing her in that sealing room, and just everything kind of coming back for a moment was just amazing. I had called...she had some things going on. So I called her doctor. And on Monday, he had given me some information. And she wanted to see him in person. And he was like, I'm happy to do that. And essentially, what went on is he said, I recommend two things. You either go straight to the ER, and get checked out because there's a lot of your organs that are not functioning properly. Or you go home, you call hospice, and just let them take care of you. And that's a hard choice. You've been fighting and fighting this whole time. And then here it is, you know, this is that moment. And so she asked for him to give us a moment and, and I was there, of course and her parents were there. And all of us, you know, just completely rattled by this. And so we said, well, we should pray about what to do. And we kind of talked first about the difference. What do you do? Because you want to keep fighting, right? But she insisted "I don't want to die in a hospital. I just don't." And so we prayed, and she asked me to pray, which was not easy, but it was a real honor. And we just asked like, what do we do? You know what, like, what's our next step? And then when I was done, I closed the prayer, we probably sat there in silence for maybe two minutes. I think she was still praying. And she lifted her head and said, "I'd like to go home." We went home, she went upstairs, laid down. We told Finn later that day with his dad there. And that was I'm sure you can imagine one of the hardest things to have to do. And then she went up the stairs to bed. And that was the last time she had ever been downstairs. And I'm sorry for giving so much detail to this. But I just know, you know that night, we just looked at each other and just kind of shook our heads in disbelief. But then she just started nodding and said, "I've had a good life. And I want to be here. But I believe that there's something more," which was really hard because it was hard for her to accept. But I think she just realized it was time. And grace is the best word because she just had so much faith at that time. And she was nervous and afraid.We know we believe but when you're right up at the gate of it, it's pretty intense. But she had a lot of faith and when she knew it was time. She just kind of rested and let it happen. Everything she had to do, she told Finn, we knew. She told some friends, everything at her job—she had stopped working just barely a few weeks before this, which is nuts, but every i dotted and T crossed so the next people to follow her were totally prepared. And so it was just an amazing thing to see. It was difficult. It was sad. It was tragic. But just to see how she handled herself in all that was truly an honor for me.

Morgan Jones Pearson

That's beautiful. I feel like that's the sense of what I got just from social media, just from seeing Lindsey's posts there, was that she just handled it with such grace. And I admire her so much for that. When Lindsey passed away, you wrote this on social media. You said that all the feelings were there but the lasting feeling you'd carry with you was gratitude and you said "gratitude for the time we spent, gratitude that she chose me, gratitude that she trusted me to help her raising her amazing son, Finn, and gratitude for the friendship we shared. We were a perfect match, I am so blessed to have known her and loved her. It truly was an honor to be by her side as she went toe to toe with cancer. Day after day, I was continually impressed by her strength and fortitude. She rose to every occasion, beat the odds so many times and was full of grace when she knew it was time to rest." How has that gratitude Kevin continued to manifest itself for you?

Well, I feel like I'll forever be grateful to have been part of her life, even in some of the most difficult aspects of it or times of it, but she gave me a life that I had always wanted. She left me with an incredible stepson, incredible in laws, I don't care what happens in the future with me and my life, they will always be my family and my in laws. And just I'm just grateful for now, in current times for what she left for me, was just these lasting memories and amazing experiences. And I just, it's funny, because I'll see people, run into people that are her friends, and she had so many friends sometimes that I don't remember them, and then the friends will share the story they had with her or the experience they had with her. And I'm like, Oh, yes. And then I'll be able to kind of finish like she told me all about you. This, this and that. And I'm just grateful for I just have such gratitude for the legacy that she left. She was a teacher at a junior high, which deserves sainthood just for that. But she just loved so much and it just taught me to be better at that. And so I'm grateful for that example. It was kind of like a comet in my life, in a way, at least in this mortal life. You know, she came in and just impacted me so much that I'll never forget it. And I'll always be grateful for it. And in an interesting way, she gave me gratitude for this gospel, this plan that we're a part of, and try to understand the eternal aspect of it.

Morgan Jones Pearson

So well said. Thank you. Kevin, in marrying Lindsey, you became a stepdad to her son. And you've mentioned him several times throughout this interview. How old was Finn when you two started dating?

Kevin Rolfe

He was seven.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Okay. And he's how old now?

He just turned 13 On Sunday, this last Sunday.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Okay, and I have been impressed because you obviously love him so much and have continued to build on the relationship that you have with him. His dad has continued to allow you to have a place in his life. And you called being his stepdad life's greatest reward. How have you navigated Lindsey's passing together, you and Finn, and how does he continue to bless your life?

Well, first off I am. But I'm forever grateful for the relationship that Lindsey had with her ex-husband. They got along really well. They were actually friends. That's not something you see all the time. I don't think it's something that's easy to do. But for the sake of Finn, they figured that out. I'm grateful for it. Because if that wasn't the case, I don't know that I wouldn't be in Finn's life as much as I am. But because of their great relationship. Finn and Lindsey both expressed the desire for me to still be in Finn's life and Finn's dad has very generously allowed me to be. So initially we were kind of going through the same thing, I guess, in different ways, but it's like this is he would come to stay with me and at first I was nervous because this is where the memories were with us all together in this house. And I could see there's a little trepidation and just he didn't want to come into our bedroom because that's where she had passed away and there's just things that a kid experienced that are just the fact that he experienced this at such a young age is just hard. And I was really unsure of how I was going to help because I was in the midst of my own grief. And he came back and there was just a couple of times. It's funny, because he was the one comforting me. I'd bring her up and start welling up and voice would start shaking, and he would, you know, put his hand on my arm, or he would just look at me in the eye, just I think he just wanted to see what I was experiencing. So initially, I don't know if I was any help to him at all, because he was comforting me. And it should have been the other way around. But there were times where he had some questions, or there's different things that he wished he would have done, like, literally, like Lego said, that they were supposed to put together. And then now they weren't going to, and I just had to assure him that there's this balance of, it's not the end of the world. But also I get how hard that is, because I'm thinking some of the things too that I wish we would have been able to do together. So we kind of navigated through that together and talked it out, and just as times gone on, he's doing great. I think somebody told his dad, and then his dad told Lindsey, and then in Lindsey's last note to me, she wrote me in her notes app, there's all these different things that she would want to have happen. And one of them was to go to this great place here in Utah called "The Sharing Place." And it's a group therapy with people who've lost a sibling or a parent. And the kids all around the same age goes in one room and then the parents go in another room and and you kind of go through just the process. And part of it is you do need to talk about it. And it normalizes it, doesn't dismiss it, but it normalizes it, and I think that experience and us going together, and this dad going, also has kind of helped us bond through some of that. And then just he's blessed my life one because he's in it, too, because he wants me to be part of this life and, and three, that we've just become very good friends. And while I am a stepdad, I think when he was living here, most of the time, I had a more parental role. Now, when he's with me, it's, it's still kind of like that, but we're more just, you know, kind of connecting on a different level. And it's just been a great, like I said, just my great reward in life. I don't have my own kids, I don't know that I will. So this is probably it for me, and we just, I'm just so thankful for the bond. And,I feel like we're the two people that that will love, love Lindsey the most in this world. And so for me to share that with him is a blessing indeed.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Kevin, music has played a big role in your life. That's how you and I became friends, was the cause of music in college. And I just wondered, how has that helped you through this experience and been a blessing as you have grieved?

Well, that's it's an interesting thing, because I do I love music so much. We had an incredible experience with music you and I, you're very talented. And award winning, if I might add. But Lindsey and I both that was another way we connected was with music, and I love live music and I loved bringing her to concerts with me and seeing how excited she would get for bands that she liked and that kind of thing. I will say essentially is music has been such a tool in the grieving process. But it's also been really difficult. I don't want to say mistakenly but maybe just as a little early, I went to a concert. And this was one where you still had to wear masks, and that's never fun. But in this situation, I was actually really grateful for it because this guy who is just an incredible singer songwriter, named Gregory Alan Isakov has this song called "Idaho" and Lindsey is from Idaho, and it wasn't on his setlist and some random guy just yells out Idaho from like the tippy top of this theater. And Gregory grabs this one guitar and walks to the microphone, stops, walks back grabs this other guitar and plays Idaho while I'm sitting there, the tears just falling because this song about or at least titled in the name of where she's from, and it made me think of her and there's just these great lyrics and that happened a number of times, but it was a way to still connect with her. If that makes sense. It was a way to go through the grieving process. But not only just that with like secular music. I think also with the hymns of the Church like Abide With Me is one of the most powerful songs when you're dealing with grief. But some that I never even thought of. A good friend of mine pointed out a talk from Elder Bednar. And I think it was from not the most recent conference, but the one before and he quotes, "Let Us All Press On," which is really upbeat, an enjoyable song to sing in church, because it kind of gets us. There's just a lot of energy in the song. But there's a line that says "an unseen power will aid me and you" and I'd never heard that song, or that line in the same way that I heard it after Lindsey passed because there is an unseen power that has aided me through this. You know, same with, I believe it's "I Know That My Redeemer Lives," right? He lives to calm my troubled heart never heard that the same way as I've heard it since Lindsey passed, the hymns of the Church have such great doctrine in them and such great, uplifting messages that sometimes I've sung these songs my whole life, and I'm now hearing them so much differently. So music has been a major impact in this process. And like I said, it's something that still draws me close to her, because we both loved it so much.

Morgan Jones Pearson

That's awesome. Following Lindsey's passing you posted several posts, Kevin, that have really touched me and I want to kind of highlight a couple of those. Before we wrap up, you posted a picture of the Salt Lake Temple as it is at the present. And most of us have seen it with the scaffolding all over it. And you said that a thought came to you saying "That's you." You wrote, "The more I looked at the picture, the more it made sense to me. 2021 has all but broken me. I'm sure the cracks are showing. Losing Lindsey left me in a state of questionable structural stability, in need of my own renovation, reconstruction and structural reinforcement to mitigate the impact of future seismic activity. It was you: my family, my friends, our Savior, and even some thoughtful strangers that scaffolded up around me and prevented me from becoming complete rubble and ruin. You have held me up, reinforced me, and kept me from spiraling to the depths that grief can so easily take a person." How did others provide the scaffolding for you in the wake of Lindsey's passing? And what did that look like in practice?

That's a really good question. And a really interesting experience for me, because I just remember feeling that as I looked at that temple, because I was just looking at it in the state of repair and then, like it says in my posts that I just felt this, that's you right now, basically, and I don't know what that means. And then it hit me and I mean, I was just floored by Lindsey's passing, we saw it coming, we knew it was gonna happen. And I can attest that you're still just not going to be prepared. And that's the hard part is you just want to be in know, you're losing this important person to you. And so I was pretty wrecked, but literally from minute one, people were stepping up for me and holding me up. You know, namely, like my big sister Denise showed up within an hour of Lindsey's passing, stayed with me that night so I didn't have to stay home alone, a few nights actually till I finally was like, you have to go back to your family, like they need you. But I mean, she woke up the next morning and that's the thing that's hazy about this stuff, too, is you just lost this person. You don't want to do anything but then all of a sudden there's all these plans. You have to plan this major event in the funeral, and in some ways, it's good because you have something to do and in other ways, like for me, my mind was mush, I had major fog. And I was like, I don't know where, or what and this is the one area, we had talked about it. But Lindsey, from the time she started hospice to the time she passed away was seven days and the next thing on our agenda was to talk about headstones and burial location and funeral plans. And fortunately, we got a ton of the funeral plans done, but then I didn't know where to bury her, I didn't know a lot of things in that regard. And my sister was just incredible. She was never like, well, let's do this, let's do this, she would always give kind of options, or what do you think about this? Or "I booked like a couple or a few cemeteries, we can goes walk through" and just very patient with me, very thoughtful and kind and she had a style very similar, or has a style very similar to Lindsey's. And so she was able to say, I think she would like this, or maybe this or maybe these things, and it just eased me, calmed me and let me just kind of go through that process of planning, all of that. And then, you know, within that time of planning her funeral, again, her family was amazing. My family was great. And just friends, I mean I have friends who had flown up for the sealing, and then were back from out of state and then were back here for the funeral, which is just not easy to do, but it just showed their friendship and meant so much to me. I had people call and obviously people just do so much in those moments and it was really holding me up, because I just felt like I just didn't want to get out of bed. Sometimes, I'm still waiting for the History Channel to call me and set up that documentary about that monumental day that Kevin got out of bed. You know, it's this historic event, because it was just so hard sometimes. Sometimes I'd get up and I'm like, I can't believe I'm functioning today. And sometimes you're on autopilot, sometimes not. But in any of those moments, I never got too far without a call, or a visit, or a "hey, let's go do this." Or, you know, I was just being held up until I felt reinforced to continue my life. And like I mentioned, even Finn, this young boy who just lost his mom, was like a comfort to me and, and one of those scaffolding that was just holding me up so I didn't crumble into nothing.

Morgan Jones Pearson

That's one thing that I have noticed, Kevin, is you're a great friend yourself and so it's no surprise that you have attracted people that are good friends, but I've noticed how much it seems like people love you and want to be there for you and I think that's a credit to you and who you are. In April 2022, you wrote this "As a way of strengthening my faith, I like to put myself in the story or that place in history. Last night I was in bed and I thought about those who were there and loved Jesus and followed him to the bitter end of His mortal life. What were they thinking the night Jesus died or the Saturday night before he rose from the dead? Were they anxiously awaiting the next day to see Him again? Did Mary Magdalene cry herself to sleep wondering if she could have done more to save His life? Did Peter doubt or question his faith and what he had been taught in person by the Savior Himself? I have the benefit of 2000 years of the resurrection being taught. This was happening in real time for them. The night Lindsey died I remember lying in bed asking myself all of these questions. I did cry myself to sleep but I woke up at 4am with a deeply peaceful feeling, more peace than I think I've ever felt. The feeling was one of love, reconfirming to me, what I have believed to be true—an afterlife and a reunion with God and loved ones. Was it Lindsey touching my heart letting me know that she was good? Was it the Spirit of God bringing a promised comfort during a dark and sad time? Was it my mind recalling all the things I've learned and been taught throughout my own life bringing me that peace? I think the answer is yes." I wondered for you, Kevin, how has the hope of the resurrection brought you peace and comfort and hope through this period of time?

That was an incredible night for me in mourning, to say the least. I think when you lose somebody and watch them go through this, like I don't know that I ever questioned my faith, I didn't have a crisis of faith by any means. But I think there is a thing in there where it's like not even being tested, but just there it is, like if you believe this, this is the time to believe it. And I just remember thinking, I guess about those people back then and it's so easy to believe history, I think. But in real time I just wonder, I'll always wonder until maybe one day I'll get to interview them or something and just say, what was that like? We have a recounting of things and such, but just a personal one on one account would be pretty awesome, I think. But I was thinking that because I think I was in the situation where this person had passed. And my belief and what I've been taught is that they will, like the Savior, live again and be resurrected. And so I just, I think it just brought me back to the time Jesus was on the earth. The amazing part about that is there are other people who had that same encounter at that same time, which was just a very special experience. But the resurrection has brought me hope, because I do want to see Lindsey again. I think part of marrying somebody with cancer, I think part of doing that was because I have a strong faith and belief that no matter if she was to live 20 years or two, that it wouldn't be the end for us. And that's brought me a lot of peace and comfort. I still struggle and grieve. But that feeling I had at 4am, I can recall on that. And my testimony is we're in the place where I just believe that it will happen. And having that belief has brought a calm to my life. As much as I miss her, I do believe I'll see her again. And that sounds amazing.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Well, I believe that it will be amazing. And I look forward to, I know I've told you this but because I only met Lindsey one time, I look forward to the chance to get to be friends with her. Kevin, in a Facebook post on the one year anniversary of Lindsey's burial, you shared this quote by President Nelson: "Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with the divine commandment, 'Thou shalt live together in love and so much that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.' Moreover, we can't fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life." You also quote Queen Elizabeth who said, "Nothing can begin to take away the anguish and the pain of these moments because grief is the price we pay for love." Why would you say that the love you were able to experience with Lindsey was worth the pain of grief and separation?

Well, that first quote by President Nelson was actually a quote she requested to have read at her funeral. That was one of the things she had put in her notes, and her mom read it. And so I just wanted to share that with everybody who maybe wasn't there or who hadn't heard that before. It's just a beautiful quote by President Nelson. This is a good question. Because it's worth it. It was worth it. I searched, I looked for her for a long time. And I was so blessed to spend the time we had together. I think we always knew it wouldn't be for too long on this earth. And so I think we made a point to not try...I think sometimes you think well we don't have this much time so let's try and do like everything all at once and I think I can't remember who said it but we just talked about and it's like we just want to have a normal life for as long as we can. And we did you know, like we had home and a family and a dog and just this great love for each other. And like I said, I looked for that for a really long time. And we were a perfect match, I'll say, she was perfect for me. She let me be me, I wanted her to be her, there was no trying to change each other. I felt loved and accepted by her and it was just the greatest feeling in the world and it overpowers any of the pain or grief that I have. But these quotes have said the price for love, when you lose that person is very high. And I have definitely felt felt that pain, but it just is so worth it. Because she made me and continues to make me so happy and full of joy about our relationship and the hope of continuing after this life like I think that reunion will just be incredible. And I think of other couples and people who've gone through this, and that's kind of the lasting thing is, this hurts so much. But how sweet will that reunion be? And the reason we feel this is because of how much we love that person. And anyway, I just, I would do it all over again because I just think it was that worth it—to be with her and to have somebody so incredible love me and get to love her is just, it's just the best.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Kevin, thank you so much for being willing to revisit tender memories, and to give us a chance to get to know Lindsey a little bit and for your testimony, it really means so much to me. My last question for you is what does it mean to you to be all in the gospel of Jesus Christ?

You know, Morgan, I've listened to this podcast so many times. And every time I listen to a podcast, I think of this last question. And I always wonder, like, for myself, what is my answer to that? I've never, ever thought that I would have the opportunity to give that answer on this podcast so it is a real honor. I'm actually going to, when Lindsey passed away, the Christmas following, her college roommates, who are very dear friends of hers gave me and her family, each member of her family, this quote of hers that we hang on our walls in our home. I'm gonna read that as my answer if I could?

Morgan Jones Pearson

Okay, perfect.

Kevin Rolfe

And she just says, I'm learning that when you just love people, your heart has so much more room to love. A simple statement with so much weight and so much power. And that encapsulates her right there in a quote. She just loved people, I think, to be all in this gospel is to simply love people, not just people in the Church, not just the people next door on our street, not just our families, people, all people. And that's not always the easiest. We've been in some interesting times, the last few years. And sometimes it's not easy to love everybody. But actually it says in here that she's learning that when you just love people, the ability that we have to continue to love grows. And I like the great commandments, you know, love the Lord thy God and love your neighbor. And it's just that was her. And that is my feeling of what it means to be all in the gospel.

Morgan Jones Pearson

Thank you so much, Kevin. It has been such a blessing for me to be able to talk with you and I appreciate your willingness and your time so so much.

Kevin Rolfe

Thank you, Morgan for having me and for just having this podcast.

Morgan Jones Pearson

As I was trying to figure out what to say in the intros for this episode, I started to read tributes to Lindsey online. There were the students who called Lindsey their safe haven and said she was the only teacher at their middle school who didn't make them feel self-conscious. There was also her friend from church who wrote, "We were in the young women's presidency together and she helped me see that despite having a different background than most members of the Church, I still had something to give the young women. It was a special time in my life, I found a lot of self worth through the Church and Lindsey was part of that." I thought I'd let Lindsey have the last word in this episode, as Kevin was kind enough to share an audio clip of Lindsey that was recorded right before she passed.

So you know, romantic love, you get a lot more of yourself to someone, but you can love people by just being kind or sharing or serving. And it takes a part of you to love someone else and to be loved. You have to sacrifice. I've never regretted, you know, sacrificing time to lay around to help someone else. I've never sacrificed a show that I wanted to watch to help someone else. And to have the opportunity to serve others is really important to me, I think that you have to look for those. And you have to kind of build that into your life that you do care about others. And you can say that you care about others. But it really is the actions that you take that that is more important.

Morgan Jones Pearson

A huge thank you to Kevin Rolfe for sharing Lindsey with us today and for sharing his testimony as well. A big thanks to Derek Campbell of Mix At 6 Studios for his help with this episode and thank you for listening. We'll look forward to being with you again next week.