Doing What Matters Most with Rebecca Craven

Kathryn Davis 00:00

Effort. It's a word President Nelson emphasizes often he not only talks about it but has demonstrated it throughout his life reminding us that the Lord loves effort. Hi, and welcome to magnify, an LDS Living podcast where we cheer, inspire, and embolden each other as women and followers of Jesus Christ. We hope to use our influence to make a difference in the world. I'm your host, Kathryn Davis, a mom, a seminary teacher, and a grilling enthusiast who loves God. So much in our lives has become easy and instantaneous, but becoming converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ isn't easy or instantaneous. It requires small, daily genuine efforts. As Becky Craven second counselor in the young women general presidency says it requires us to do something, not everything, and certainly not everything perfectly. This is what we want to talk about today. And we're lucky enough to have the opportunity to do so with Sister Craven herself. Sister Craven, I am so happy and so thrilled that you are here with us.

Rebecca Craven 01:13

Now I am the one who was thrilled to have this opportunity. So thank you for the invitation. Looking forward to this conversation.

Kathryn Davis 01:20

We are so excited to learn from you. But before we do, we'd love to get to know you a little bit better. And so we have a couple questions for you. All right. Okay, I hear you met your husband on a blind date. Yes, that is right. So what did you do? And Was it love at first sight?

Rebecca Craven 01:39

No, it wasn't. It was... It was more love on second date, I would probably say. My husband and my older brother were mission companions. They served their missions in in England, in London. And when they got home from their mission, there was a mission reunion. And I wanted to go to that mission reunion. Because my family lived as a teenager in that very mission that my brother served in, actually at the same time that he served in that mission in England. Wow. There were some people I wanted to see at that mission reunion some sisters that my mom and I used to do splits with. And that I had become close within it stayed in contact with. So I wanted to go to that mission reunion. But I didn't have a car. And I had a bike. But that was not going to get me up Provo Canyon. So my brother just asked, asked my husband Ron, if he would if he would pick me up and take me to the reunion. So if you hold out a date, that was the first we basically say goodbye to each other when we got there because we both had our own things to do. But okay, I barely remembered his name afterwards. But yes, one date.

Kathryn Davis 02:56

And then he asked you out after that?

Rebecca Craven 02:58

Yes, yes, we did. We went to a fireside, which is now a pretty common thing to do as a student at BYU on a Sunday night, so we went to a devotional into a fireside. And I kind of liked him after that. I was impressed and fortunately he invited me out on another date after that. So side note. Totally sidenote, finally engaged a year later, on Mother's Day, sitting in a car at the Provo temple. I mean, how much more cliche can that be?

Kathryn Davis 03:32

Oh so, so fun. So you have lots of fun hobbies, including playing games with your family. What's your favorite game to play together?

Rebecca Craven 03:46

Well, our family is really competitive. And that includes our extended family, like all the son in laws and daughter in laws, and there is a game called nerts. It's just kind of a quick card game. It becomes very competitive and really loud and sometimes even physical. But anyway, yes, it's very, very competitive.

Kathryn Davis 04:08

And that's fun. Okay, so you serve with your husband as mission leaders in North Carolina, in Charlotte, North Carolina. What was your favorite thing about North Carolina?

Rebecca Craven 04:20

About North Carolina itself? Or the mission?

Kathryn Davis 04:23

Yeah, either.

Rebecca Craven 04:24

One of the things that I loved most about North Carolina is that everybody loves Jesus. There's something about the South where it seems like everybody just is really devoted to Jesus Christ. So you can talk to anybody in an elevator on the street in a store, about the Savior. I remember going through the target line, the very first week we're in North Carolina, and the cute woman who was checking me out after she handed me my receipt. She just said, Have a blessed day. I thought oh my goodness. It was such an immediate spiritual lift to have this woman just said to have a blessed day. And I learned that it was just a really a common phrase in that area in the south, that people really mean it when they say it.

Kathryn Davis 05:14

Right. There just seems to be an openness. Yeah.

Rebecca Craven 05:17

A work van, you know, will go by and it says, I work for Jesus, or with with Jesus, my business thrives. You know, Jesus is in my life. People talk about the Savior. And I loved that.

Kathryn Davis 05:32

So you'll be released from the general young woman's presidency at the end of July. How are you feeling as you finish your service?

Rebecca Craven 05:42

Oh, my goodness, I am feeling so grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity. And really the trust that Heavenly Father put in, in our presidency, you know, to concentrate on the women, young women of the church at this time. I feel so grateful I have grown so much I'm grateful for that growth. I'm grateful for the way that it just stretched me the way that it is blessed our family, and our family has been very involved and very supportive. And they're about as sad as I am that we're going to be released. But mixed feelings, like a lot of things that we put our whole heart into, and then they come to an end, mixed feelings of wanting to continue. It'll be sad not to come into this sacred building every morning like we're used to doing. But also there's that feeling that it's time. It is it's time, you know, the Lord gives us some, you know, a variety of things to do, but typically for a limited period of time. And then he released, assess, and allow somebody else to step into that space. And, you know, we go off and we do something else that will help us to grow. But it's been just a really remarkable, growing experience. One of the greatest parts of this calling is really centered around relationships. That will be that will be a difficult thing to leave behind.

Kathryn Davis 07:11

I can imagine, right? And actually, I'm not really good with endings. I never have been. And this weekend, actually, Elaine Dalton said something which I wrote down because it stayed with me, she said, endings are good, because that means there's a new beginning. And so I'm thinking, Becky, like, what's the beginning for you?

Rebecca Craven 07:34

Let's see, after a nap. And we're going to talk about...

Kathryn Davis 07:41

I love that. Well, I just think that you have shared so many memorable messages over the years. And I've been so inspired and so grateful for your example and your leadership and your guidance. But one message that has been particularly meaningful for many of us here at magnify it has to do with your last general conference talk in April 2019. And this talk, I think is particularly inspiring, as you boldly call out that being a disciple requires effort. What inspired this message?

Rebecca Craven 08:23

I was originally inspired by it when I read in the Doctrine and Covenants, the few times that the Lord kind of back to back says it matters not unto me. And then that that thought just kept mulling in my head for a long time, more than a year, that if there are some things that really are not as important to really matter as much to the Lord, then there really has to be things that are really important, and things that matter most to him. And those things should matter most to me. And so it was really a period of contemplating, and wondering if I was doing what mattered the most to the Lord that really brought upon that thought that maybe I should write a talk about that. So I had started actually gathering notes before I was assigned to speak in general conference, because it was something that was really impressing upon my mind. I have a tendency to get very distracted. It's really easy for me to either let my mind wander or to just like focus sometimes. Sometimes I can even stand in the middle of the room and think I have absolutely nothing to do. I can be that distractible. I'm one that has to write things down. I have to schedule things out. I started thinking about this idea as I got older, especially, you know, what will I look back on? What will the Lord, you know, look to my life and see, you know what I have done? And so I started to really think about how I was spending my time, are they making good use of my time? Was I in tune enough with this spirit that I was using my time wisely for his purposes?

Kathryn Davis 10:23

That's interesting. So as you started studying about this, did you begin to realize that there were some things that maybe you should focus more on?

Rebecca Craven 10:33

I think at the time, like so many especially women, is I had so many things in my life that I was trying to do. And I was trying to do all of them really well. And especially in my calling, I actually put a lot of stress, I think and anxiety on myself, trying to keep up with a lot of things he had done before, is there is a time and a season for everything, I realized that there were some things that I just actually needed to, to set aside that my life had started to become a little too cluttered. So there are some some things that I put on hold for now. That will come back around later, they were things that I intentionally put aside, and actually really helped me to focus on the things that I wanted to do for this period of time to really focus on my family to focus on my calling, focus on the young women and the other responsibilities that I have at this time.

Kathryn Davis 11:31

Well, you said being a disciple of Jesus Christ involves more than just hoping or believing. It calls for effort, movement and commitment, it requires that we do something. What have you learned about effort?

Rebecca Craven 11:48

Well, we all know that the Lord loves effort. We've heard that from our Prophet over and over again. And so yes, it's easy to get caught into, you know, being at ease in Zion. That's a very personal thing. effort requires us to do something more than just to sit and watch the gospel happen. We need to be anxiously engaged in it. Otherwise, it really doesn't become ours, does it? It really doesn't become our Gospel. Our church really kind of belongs to somebody else until we take some ownership and that requires movement.

Kathryn Davis 12:27

Well, I think that's interesting. Like sometimes we've heard, like you said, again, and again, that the Lord loves effort. But I wonder if we sometimes overcomplicated with what effort looks like?

Rebecca Craven 12:42

Oh, I think, yeah.

Kathryn Davis 12:44

Do you think we do? because I wonder if we become paralyzed with what we think our efforts should look like?

Rebecca Craven 12:50

Oh, I agree with that, because I can get caught in that trap. That was a little bit also why this topic was important to me why had been pulled so much is because I have a tendency to overcomplicate things, especially when it comes to you know, like either or either working on a project or knowing that somebody needs help with something, for instance, maybe a ministering opportunity that comes up. Sometimes those opportunities come up and they're so spontaneous, and you just know exactly what to do. But given a minute to think about it, sometimes I will overthink it. I do I think, you know, what is the perfect thing to do? Or what is the perfect way to do this? I think there's this complication of perfectionism that I think comes into play that for, I would say, for me, and for maybe many people, like you, like you said, get paralyzed trying to think of what is exactly the right way to do something or handle something or to serve somebody rather than just jumping in. Now pretty complicated, complicate. Sometimes how we prepare a lesson, we overcomplicate often, even our testimonies, thinking that they need to be something really big and really flowery. And yet the gospel is just so, so simple, sometimes that complication, and that perfectionism will cause us to stall, or even stop, or even back up. Sometimes that turns into feelings of inadequacy, which we I think we all deal with. Our weakness, which is really God given really becomes a stumbling block, rather than a way for us to grow closer to the Savior, so that they can help us to become stronger. We get scared, we doubt our abilities, and that causes us often just to to do no effort. Or like I said, just to stall.

Kathryn Davis 14:52

Well, I think sometimes we stall because we might hear when we should do something we think oh we should Do more. Oh, but what you just reminded me that it's not necessarily about doing more, it's about doing what matters most. So what are some examples that you have found or that you have seen about doing what matters most?

Rebecca Craven 15:16

Oh, I think doing what matters most comes down to the little everyday things that we do to have the Spirit in our life and to be connected with the Savior, to be bound to him. It's our prayers, it's going to the temple, you know, studying about, about the Savior. It's about ministering. It's about bringing our friends and family along with us, it really has to do with, with gathering Israel, which is the most important thing going on the earth right now. Really, the things that matter most are the simple, everyday things that we do to strengthen our own testimonies and to strengthen others.

Kathryn Davis 15:55

As you have kind of been focusing in on what matters most and maybe some of those questions that you had to ask yourself, you know, where do I spend my time? How do I focus my energy? Have you been guided by the Holy Ghost on some experiences or examples of how to focus in on what matters most?

Rebecca Craven 16:18

So yes, as I originally started thinking about what matters most and where I needed to focus, it took me back to some talks and lessons that Elder Bednar has shared in the past, about balance, he basically says that it's, it's kind of hard to do that it's hard to prioritize, because we can't do everything all at once. It's impossible to do that. And so that we do have to prioritize. But not everything I have learned can be a priority. You can't have 100 priorities, or nothing gets done. But I do remember Elder Bednar talking about, you know, spinning plates, and that it's hard to keep spinning too many plates in the air at once. They're going to they're going to topple and some are gonna fall. And so how do you know what your priorities are? At the moment? How do you know how to keep that type of a balance? It's has stuck in my mind since he first talked about this years and years ago, if we just ask, you know, if we if we pray, to know what the priority is at the moment, then the Holy Ghost will help us to know where we need to be, at what time. And so we, you know, thinking about all the things that I was trying to keep up with in my life that we're kind of getting in the way, sometimes we just need to unclutter so that we can do what matters most. I mean, what matters most is following the Savior Jesus Christ. What matters most is that we live our covenants. What matters most is that we're doing the basic things, and that we're serving others. Those are the essentials, that other things that matter most at the time, they can change depending on family circumstances. And you know, our callings so.

Kathryn Davis 18:11

So it seems like as you were writing this talk, some of your "what matters most" has changed over the last five years, as you've been in this calling.

Rebecca Craven 18:23

It has, yeah, again, the basics have never changed. Those are things that matter most. My relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, and those things that helped me stay bound with them, and yoked with the Savior. But other things aren't as important to me right now, as I try to concentrate on what the Lord has called me to do at the moment.

Kathryn Davis 18:49

And I think sometimes when we overcomplicate it, it just reminds me of that story you shared in conference about the ice cream, and the ministering. Do you remember, can you tell me that story?

Rebecca Craven 19:01

I love that story. And when I heard the story, I really related to it. Because this is a place where I tend to overcomplicate it. So just like this cute sister who went to meet a need of another sister in her word, she felt like she couldn't go empty handed. And so so she bought some ice cream and took a tour. When in reality, the ice cream was really it wasn't needed. What was needed really was the visit. And so I relate to that in so many ways, just thinking that I, I need to do something more than is even necessary at the moment, which is just showing up. So at least in this in this story that I told at General Conference, this sister acted really quickly. You know, she went and she bought the ice cream, and she went to see the sister. I think sometimes though when we think too hard about how we're going to do a particular moment of of love or ministering, we think too hard about it. And so sometimes it doesn't even happen. And I know that that's the workings of Satan comes back to that perfectionism. Where, oh, my goodness, you can't go unless you do exactly the right thing, or say exactly the right thing. Or talk ourselves out of it, because we're What if they're not home? Or what if, what if, what if, instead of just acting upon the first impression that we have, and just show up?

Kathryn Davis 20:39

I think that's so important. I think sometimes when we talk about, the Lord loves effort, it's showing up, me showing up in all of my inadequacies and imperfections, but I can show up. And I can trust that the Lord can use me in the way he needs to use me.

Rebecca Craven 20:58

I agree with that, that great little phrase, just show up. And if you just show up, you'll find what you need to do next.

Kathryn Davis 21:07

Well, I think, part of our journey as learning to become disciples of Jesus Christ, you know, in the great sermon on the mount, where he's like, You are the light of the world. I like this phrase from your talk, because it reminds me that you said that as covenant keeping women, we must shine our gospel light all over the world by stepping up and standing out. So as you've traveled the world, can I ask you what are some ways you've seen women who step up and step out?

Rebecca Craven 21:38

There are so many great women in the world that are doing exactly that. They are stepping up. And because they step up, they do stand out, they automatically stand out worldwide sisters. They traveled distances to minister to one another. One experience I'm thinking about right now is the women in Papua New Guinea. I went to Papua New Guinea on an assignment with our sister, Sharon Eubank. It was a really humbling experience because when we arrived at this stake center, there had been women that had come even the day before. They had traveled in canoes, down rivers. They had traveled on buses for long periods of time, to be there on the day that Sister Eubank and I were going to be there. But when we arrived, we learned that they had slept overnight, on the grounds of the building, you know, just to be together just before we went to Papua New Guinea, just days before General Conference, and the temple in Port Moresby had just been announced. So as we met with the sisters, because of the communication there, many of the people had no idea that a temple had been announced. It was rather beautiful when that was mentioned. They, they just wept. Some had heard and as we met with some of the women, we talked about the the announcement of the temple. What really impressed me about the women was how adamant they were about getting their families to the temple. And I remember, one sister said, when I heard the other day that we were getting a temple, I went home and told my husband who had been very casual in the church, according to her, she says, You need to get your act together right now, because we are going to the temple. And we are going to be sealed together as a family. And I thought here is a woman who really understood what mattered most. And that was making sacred covenants in the temple, and having her family with her. But she was the leader in that family, you could just tell because she had the spirit of the Lord with her, because of the things that she was doing everyday that mattered most. Now she was strong. She was just really strong. There were other women at that, at that same time, that expressed that for years, they had been preparing themselves to become temple ordinance workers. They had no idea when a temple would ever come to Papa New Guinea, but they were focused on when we get a temple I am going to be ready to work in the temple. That's where I want to be. This is how women all over the world, including right here, concentrate on the things that that matter most. I love that about these women. They were concentrated on a temple that they and ordinances and covenants that they didn't even know would even ever come to their country.

Kathryn Davis 24:48

Well, what a profound experience to be able to spend and see these women who are stepping up and stepping out especially in New Guinea and How did that experience change you? Did you come home different after that trip?

Rebecca Craven 25:05

I did. I feel like I come home a little bit different, hopefully a little bit better. Each time that I meet with members of the Church, wherever, wherever we are, whether it's domestically or internationally, because everybody has different challenges, and they live in different cultures, they live in different situations, their family situations are different, the faith tradition, sometimes that they they come from makes a difference. I am just always so impressed at what members do, what women do specifically to have the gospel in their lives. The sacrifices that they make. And it's a real profound testimony to me that this is the gospel of joy. Heavenly Father's plan is the plan of happiness. We don't need stuff, we don't need a lot of the things that we think are important and necessary, really to find true joy. And true joy comes when we're doing those little things every day.

Kathryn Davis 26:05

What are the joys you experience?

Rebecca Craven 26:09

One thing that I love about the gospel is that it gives us perspective. And it gives us direction. So as we immerse ourselves in the Gospel, which means immersing ourselves in the scriptures, learning more about the Savior, understanding better what Heavenly Father's plan is for us. You know, there is something really comforting in and joyful about knowing which direction we're heading. There's also joy in knowing that we belong, you know, everybody has just this innate, desire to belong. You belong to a family, belong to a group belong to, you know, something that makes a difference. And the Gospel brings a sense of belonging. I believe that comes because of the shared desire that we have to follow the Savior. And because of the covenants that we make, we belong to the Savior, Jesus Christ.

Kathryn Davis 27:08

Yeah, the power in that statement, right? The power in understanding that we don't need to fit in, we can belong, and knowing that we belong to him, and we belong to him through covenants.

Rebecca Craven 27:24

And isn't that just a wonderful thing? To know that we are, we're tethered to him in a way that if we just continue trying to move forward, trying to stay focused doing those things that matter most, and he's not gonna let us out of his sight, he'll keep tugging us along, and helping us to get ultimately to our final destination, which is eternal life. That's what we all hope. And there's something really joyful in that in this piece of belonging are these magnificent relationships that we build with each other. Because we not only know who we are, but we know who our neighbor is, you know, we're all sons and daughters of heavenly parents. And so we want the best for everybody. And I know there's just joy and happiness relationships as well.

Kathryn Davis 28:19

Again, and that verb acting, right, I think there's joy in doing not doing more, not doing lots, not doing it perfect. But doing, trying, giving our effort.

Rebecca Craven 28:34

I think if we can just put one foot in front of the other, yeah, we're not in a race, and we're not in a competition. Everybody gets to win if they want to. Everybody can be a winner. There's not just one gold prize. But we can really pace ourselves as we try to do the things that matter most to us things that Heavenly Father would want us to do.

Kathryn Davis 29:00

And I liked that example that you shared in the last couple years. And I think that has to do with how you learn to pace yourself, right? To let some things go and focus in on what matters most, and that Christ will lead us. And I like how you said that we're tethered to him, and that he can pull us along when we put one foot in front of the other. So Becky, we love to finish our magnify conversations with a small and simple invitation to act, which is what your talk was all about. Right? Acting. And so what is something small and simple that we can do today to focus in on what matters most?

Rebecca Craven 29:43

I think we've been talking, as you said a lot about the small and simple things that that we can do that do matter most. But I think one thing that we can do is to really ask Heavenly Father maybe just in tomorrow's prayer, you know, Heavenly Father, what matters most for me to do today? and see what we're told.

Kathryn Davis 30:06

So important sounds like, especially as you were even writing your conference talk, that's where a lot of your thoughts started, was asking how do I use my time and what matters most.

Rebecca Craven 30:16

Maybe just try that for a day.

Kathryn Davis 30:18

So good. I'm gonna try that. Because I think sometimes I get overwhelmed with all the lists and taking away maybe some things that are good, and some overflow. But things that don't matter most.

Rebecca Craven 30:32

Well, and sometimes, it's just what matters most for that moment, or just for that day. And so...

Kathryn Davis 30:40

That's a powerful distinction. Right? For that moment or that day.

Rebecca Craven 30:44

It might be that phone call, it might be that... it just it, it might be something that you need to stop and write in your journal. But sometimes, it's what matters most right now, is I think we know what matters the most in the long run. But what matters to take awhile.

Kathryn Davis 31:03

I just want to thank you, for the last five years. Thank you for listening and asking for what matters most and being an example and for sacrificing your time and your love and your energy to serve us and the young women of this church so faithfully and so diligently.

Rebecca Craven 31:23

It has been an absolute joy and privilege to do that. We do love the young women of the Church. We love their families, we love their leaders. We pray for them every day and our prayers if they feel those prayers. They know how much that they are loved. Thank you, Kathryn.

Kathryn Davis 31:40

Thank you Becky. I thought this episode was such an important episode for us to remember that the gospel becomes ours when we do. When Christ invites us to come follow him, it implies that we actually have to move our feet to follow Him. It doesn't have to be perfect. And it doesn't have to look a certain way. But can we try and do? Thanks for being here and hop on over to Instagram at magnify community for more inspiration and conversation. And of course, subscribe and listen to the Magnify podcast wherever you get your shows. Let's meet up again next week.