16 Ways to Find Peace After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Loss

Welcome priesthood blessings.

Priesthood blessings can provide peace, comfort, and direction. Blessings can also give the father of the baby a tangible way to help.

Whenever possible, put off making any major decisions.

Decisions such as a job or residence change are best made when you have had sufficient time to resolve your grief. Hasty decisions made in moments of deep grief may be problematic later.

Try to be patient with others.

Remember that people deal with grief differently, and many people will not react in the way you expect them to. Others may make insensitive comments that may even seem cruel. It is unfortunate that in a crisis bereaved parents must deal with the insensitivity of others, but most people do not mean to be hurtful. One way of alleviating awkward feelings toward others is to be honest with them about how you feel and tell them gently when they hurt you. By being open, you not only take a step in resolving your relations with others, but you can do your part in educating society about the tragedy of the loss of a baby.

Help other women.

After experiencing something so traumatic as the loss of your baby, you are uniquely prepared to take your wisdom and help others in a similar situation. One woman who lost a baby years ago visits her daughter’s grave only on occasion, but she has not forgotten her. She takes every opportunity to speak out about her tragedy, inform others, and help other women who have lost a baby. By doing so, she believes that she symbolically “puts flowers on her baby’s grave.”

Believe in Christ.

Perhaps the greatest tool we have to help us conquer our trials is the Savior Himself. When in the midst of despair, we can lean on the scripture in Proverbs: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Prov. 3:5–6).

As darkness seems to become all-encompassing, perhaps the only recourse available is simply to trust in the Lord. Trust that He is, that He is guiding our lives on the path He sees fit—perhaps a path that in a previous time we agreed to follow. Or perhaps it is a path chosen by these babies so that they may fulfill their own special missions. Someday we will know the truth and the whole picture of the Lord’s eternal plan for us. Until then, bitterness cannot be allowed to mar the beauty of the lives of these pure, innocent babies. If we can continue to communicate with the Lord through prayer, seek His wisdom through the scriptures, and heed the words of the prophet and other present-day leaders, we will find peace. He will not forsake us if we earnestly turn to Him and allow ourselves to be encircled by His loving arms.

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You can find comfort and beautiful insights into the life of your lost little one in Gone Too Soon: The Life and Loss of Infants and Unborn Children

They are gone too soon—precious little ones lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death. However brief their lives, they are not soon forgotten. And the pain of their loss is very real to parents and family. This book is a tenderly crafted message of comfort and counsel for those who have lost—or for those who know someone who has lost—little children.

Author Sherri D. Wittwer, who knows the poignant reality of such a loss, writes from a Latter-day Saint perspective of special gospel insights that can bring comfort and aid in the healing process as well as strengthen faith in the Lord. Wittwer draws on her own, as well as others’, moving experiences and reflections as she discusses the grieving process for parents and siblings and the spiritual resolution that makes acceptance possible. She portrays the pain, disbelief, anger, acceptance, and finally the peace of those who have endured this difficult trial. With them, you’ll come to understand the kindness and mercy of a loving Father in Heaven who has promised a special place in His kingdom for those precious “angel babies.”

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