The emergency room is not where I wanted to be four days after the birth of my first baby. But my left leg had swollen more than I knew limbs could swell and was so painful I couldn’t think straight. A scan at the hospital showed a massive blood clot running throughout my leg and additional clots in my abdomen.
The scan also revealed why the clots had formed: I have something called May-Thurner Syndrome. I never would’ve been affected by or even known about the syndrome had I not been pregnant. But pregnancy combined with the syndrome created a life-threatening situation. At any moment, the blood clots could have broken off and gone into my lungs, potentially causing death.
I had an emergency procedure the next day, and the following months were the most painful times (both physically and mentally) of my life. The whole experience naturally led me to think more deeply about God and suffering.
“Did God Give Me this Syndrome?”
Did God send me this trial? Did He wave some heavenly wand and poof—life-threatening blood clots to help teach me a lesson? As a Latter-day Saint, should I view this syndrome and all the grief it caused as a blessing from God?
In my case, I believe the answer to those questions is “No.” I don’t think every trial we go through is divinely appointed. Consider this compelling quote from Latter-day Saint author Zach Hutchins’s new book Discomfort By Design:
“Although we should acknowledge and embrace the blessings that often come through adversity; we do not need to pretend that all of the challenges and trials and discomforts of our lives have been divinely appointed or that they are for the best.
Lehi promised his son Jacob that God would ‘consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain,’ and we can be confident that He will extend the same blessing to all who seek it (2 Nephi 2:2). However, we must not misconstrue that comforting promise as an indication that all the afflictions we endure were foreordained or that they were orchestrated by the Lord for our benefit. Loving heavenly parents will help us make the best of imperfect and even oppressive circumstances, but we must not think that they are, therefore, responsible for our suffering.”
That last sentence encapsulates how I feel: I don’t think God is responsible for my suffering, but I know He helped me make the best of it. All of this would’ve turned out much worse without His help.
God’s Real Role in Our Trials
Hutchins provides an excellent analogy for understanding God’s role in adversity:
“A number of popular proverbs encourage us to make the best of suffering. Look for the silver lining in every cloud. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. These sayings encourage positive thinking in the face of distress, but they also encourage us to attribute adversity to a divine agency outside of ourselves. As a general rule, God is not the one sending thunderclouds into our lives or delivering lemons when we ordered strawberries; He is more like a kind neighbor who, seeing that we have planted lemon trees in the front yard (or that we have inherited lemon trees from our parents or that others have thrown lemons at us), drops by with a cup of sugar and a recipe for lemonade, as well some really great advice about what we could do with zest from the rinds and how best to compost the refuse. More often than not, human agency and natural processes are the primary causes of our distress, and the Lord intervenes only to present Himself and His Atonement as a source of comfort and consolation.”
Sister Tamara Runia recently put it another way: “The gospel of Jesus Christ is not a preventative from all pain. It is a resource in the event of pain.”
I easily believe what Brother Hutchins and Sister Runia teach—throughout my experience, I never had the sense that God had sent this upon me or that the suffering was because I hadn’t lived the gospel well enough. Instead, I felt divinely guided to resources. The right doctors showed up at just the right time, and loved ones said the right things to me at just the right time.
I also gained tender insight into the Savior and His suffering I’d never considered before. He and I made lemonade out of the sourest lemons I’ve ever had.
Our Perfect Healer
The Savior and Heavenly Father are totally invested in us and our healing—healing from injury, grief, sin, setbacks, sadness, and anything else that causes us pain. Nothing mortality throws at us is too much for Them. That is a truth I know now, whereas before it was something I hoped was true.
The Savior’s words in John 16:33 also resonate with me more deeply: “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
Even after scary things happen to us, we can live cheerfully knowing that the Savior will always have what it takes to help us not only make it through but come out brighter and better on the other side.
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