Latter-day Saint Life

Use these questions to help your family really understand what it means to love well

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“The law of love is not something to do, it’s something to be.” Steve Young
Photo by Duy Pham on Unsplash

Are you ready to live with more love?

The Magnify book club has you covered. They are studying The Law of Love in Action. A relativity quick, easy read by former NFL quarterback Steve Young. The book is full of “stories and thoughts from others as they think about and implement the law of love.” Steve defines this law as loving as God loves, seeking another’s healing, and expecting nothing in return.

Below you’ll find discussion-sparking questions based on quotes from The Law of Love in Action.

And even if you’re not reading The Law of Love in Action along with Magnify, these quotes and questions could lead to meaningful discussions around loving each other better.

If you do want to read along with Magnify (which we recommend!), head over to their Instagram.

Now on to the discussion questions!

(Oh and join in on May 15th at 7pm MST for a special Instagram live conversation with Steve Young and Deseret Book president Laurel Day on @ldsliving. Then listen in on the Magnify podcast on May 22nd to hear our wrap-up discussion around how this book has inspired us to look for and live the law of love.)

Questions Based on the Introduction

“The definition of the law of love reads easy: loving as God loves, seeking another’s healing, expecting nothing in return. ... I’ve been thinking and talking about these principles for more than fifteen years, and now it’s just about all I talk about. Every lesson I teach, every talk I give, inevitably ends up at the law of love. But I'm still completely imperfect at this effort.” (p.1, 2)

  • How can we be patient with ourselves as we grow in our ability to live by the law of love?  
  • Why is living the law of love more difficult in practice than in talking about it? 

“The law of love can’t just belong to any one religion, because it governs the universe. It supersedes all other laws as the governing law. It makes no distinction between religion, socioeconomic background, geography, language, or cultural difference: those all get gently enfolded and subsumed into the law of love.” (p. 16-17)

  • Why is the law of love far-reaching and all-encompassing? 

Questions based on Part 1: Loving as God Loves

“Here are some nontransactional questions that Jesus asked: ‘What seek ye?' (John 1:38). ‘Whom do men say that I am? ... Whom say ye that I am?’ (Mark 8:27, 29). These questions point the listeners to Him, inviting them in, hoping to draw them closer.” (p. 36)

  • What nontransactional questions we can ask ourselves or others to invite more love and understanding into our relationships?  

“The very purpose of life is to take inspiration from God and counsel from others, then decide, even in dim visibility. We abdicate our agency if we wait for God or someone else to tell us what to do. We are so much more useful when we actively participate in God’s work.” (p. 38)

  • What does it mean to you to “actively participate in God’s work”?  
  • What types of kind and loving things can we do for others without hesitating or waiting for permission?  

“Thinking of when I was a kid, I can’t tell you how much I wanted that relationship with heaven and how much I wanted credit. If I was going to obey the laws of God, ... well, I wanted credit for it! I wasn’t doing this just for fun, you know? Then, without knowing it, my relationship with heaven became merit-badge theology: keeping the commandments for credit, reassurance, validation, or to obtain the blessing.” (p.60)

  • Why might we end up with a transactional perspective instead of a divine perspective as we try to live the law of love?  
  • Are there ways we give love or obey God’s laws with the “merit-badge” mentality Steve mentioned? What could we do to help change our perspective so we live the higher law of love without expectations for rewards?  
  • What might keep us from loving others without expecting anything in return?   
  • How can we be kind to ourselves and learn from the transactional perspective we sometimes have about living the law of love?  

“I define covenant as a binding, proximate, intimate relationship that I pour myself into. The blessing is the relationship itself. A covenant relationship is not a contractual relationship. ... The end result of a covenant relationship is to be one with God.” (p. 52, 53)

  • What promises do we make with God and what does He promise us?  
  • How does knowing we are genuinely loved by someone help us live the law of love in return?  
  • How does judging others keep us from living abundantly?  

“I have learned from my achievements and failures. Each is sacred to me. All the experiences that come with a body, opposition, and agency—all the ingredients for mortality—provide the opportunity for growth. You need it all. The bumps, bruises, and challenges ARE the point. God created an environment for growth, not comfort.” (p.77)

  • How might the ways we go about showing love to others become stagnant?  
  • What could we do to find ways to stretch our ability to be more loving even if it might mean discomfort?  

“Transactional language is self-interested, creating distance from others, staying insulated from outside influences. It suggests trade, expectation of reward, or makes certain people special. By contrast, nontransactional language propels you outward, sending you into people’s joys and pain.” (p.102)

  • When do we tend to use transactional language in our interactions with others?  
  • What does it mean to you to be part of someone’s joy or pain?  

“The law of love is not something to do, it’s something to be.”

  • As members of church communities, neighborhoods, and family circles, what changes can we make in our lives to embody the law of love?  
  • How do we figure out the individual ways we can better live the law of love? 

Questions Based on Part 2: Seeking Another’s Healing

“No matter your circumstances, be open to the possibility that God might be trying to answer your prayers to heal your own heart by sending you on an errand to someone else.” (p.111)

  • How can we be open to helping others when we are trying to heal ourselves?  
  • When was a time that you felt healed after helping someone else? 

“What can we do to extend the Atonement of Jesus Christ to every human being? What if our mission were to selflessly, every day, seek the healing of every relationship that we have, in or out of the Church, in every interaction, and see others in an unselfish, loving way? There is power in that mission.” (p.114)

  • How can we make the healing of others a personal mission? 
  • Why is it powerful to selflessly help others heal?  

“There’s a difference between seeking to heal others and trying to fix them. The difference between fixing and healing is subtle but profound. Both may come from the same motivation—trying to help out someone else—but it’s totally opposite energy.” (p. 115)

  • How can we move from trying to “fix” someone to helping them heal through the Atonement? 

“Judgment can be such a nefarious path that needs to be walked super carefully. I wonder how often our judgment of others would turn into compassion if we understood them.” (p. 126)

  • Nefarious means “flagrantly wicked” and is usually a description reserved for the villain in a movie. Why do you think Steve pairs judgment with this word? 
  • When have you gotten to know someone and your opinion of them changed because you aren’t judging them but understanding them?  

“Other people have to figure out their path, with God’s help, just as I have to figure out my own. It’s about loving people on their own path—not loving them onto our path.” (p. 128)

  • How can we honor and respect the paths people take when they’re different from the paths we choose?  
  • How can we look at someone’s choices without judgment and help them and love them rather than try to change them?  

“In a business context, love can be viewed as respect, looking for the good in others, discovering and maximizing their unique gifts, and seeking their healing, even at work.” (p.130)

  • What are other words we use for love, or other feelings we can name that can help us remember to live the law of love in settings such as school, work, church, or extracurricular activities? 

Questions Based on Part 3: Expecting Nothing in Return from Others

“Expecting nothing in return from others is not an instinctive human response. At the same time, there are examples in nature. Think about the sun. ... Be sun. That’s it—just radiate, with no expectation.” (p. 150)

  • Who do you know who is like the sun and radiates warmth and love to all around them without expecting others to give back to them in the same way?  
  • How can we radiate loving warmth toward others like the sun?  
  • What reminder can you make for yourself to radiate warmth and light to those around you without expecting anything in return?  

“When I think about something as sacrifice, even if I think I’m being unselfish, it’s still all about myself. It’s about the direction my boat leaves the harbor, knowing that losing myself is what I want to do. I keep working at it over and over and over again, because my intent is selfless love for everyone I meet. What can I be? How do I actually be those things? As I exude those qualities in selflessness, I can be a healing force in someone else’s life—and self-sacrifice has nothing to do with it.” (p.152-153)

  • How can we turn sacrifice into something that is unselfish?
  • How can we make our sacrifices be about love?  
  • How have people shown you love in small and simple ways?
  • What are ways we can show others love today in small and simple ways?  

“The people God puts on your path? Just love them, not trying to pull them onto your path. Then you’re doing what God does: inviting into this healing work.” (p.163)

  • How can we be witnesses of the restored gospel in loving ways? 

“Respecting others’ choices is one of the hardest but also most godlike things we can do. It’s especially hard with adult children, whom we are used to parenting and protecting in certain way. But it is never our job to try to fix others—only to bring the spirit of Christ’s healing into that relationship, so God can heal them.” (p.171)

  • What does it mean to have agency?  
  • How can we love others when they use their agency to make different life choices than we do?  

Questions Based on Part 4: The Law of Love in Impossible Circumstances

“Abundance can be found if we look for it, even in the competition and the adrenaline. We can seek to do our personal best and test the limits of these amazing human bodies given to us by loving Heavenly Parents. We can see how an impossibly large team can come together to work toward a common goal. We can find out how good we can get and help others to find out how good they can get.”

  • How can we be the example of living the law of love when we are in a competitive situation?  
  • How can we avoid creating competition where it isn’t necessary?  

“We can’t accept God’s grace for ourselves but demand immediate perfection from others.” (p.211)

  • What does it look like to give grace to others?  
  • How can we let go of demanding perfection from someone when we feel frustrated with them? 

“The law of love powers the universe, it powers heaven, and it powers all perpetual places everywhere. All your worry about gaining heaven: if you knew that God had your back and you could quit worrying about yourself, you could use all that energy to go heal others.” (p.217)

  • What would it look like to use all our energy to love and help heal others instead of thinking about ourselves? 

At the end of the book, Steve extends this question to the reader: “Do you have any stories of how the law of love has worked in your life?”

If you have something to share, let him know! Email

The Law of Love in Action

The law of love: loving as God loves, seeking another’s healing, expecting nothing in return. It’s a lot to ask. How can we apply such a law to life’s challenges—from the smallest daily offenses to seemingly insurmountable sources of pain, like abuse, infidelity, or war? Building on his best-selling book The Law of Love, Steve Young explores the depth and breadth of how others practice living the law of love. This volume brings together a wide variety of insights and firsthand experiences. Stories include a grandpa at a family reunion, a journalist visiting a prison before a big football game, a father with a temper, a bride diagnosed with terminal cancer the day before her wedding, a broadcaster comforting survivors at a crime scene, and more. In every situation of life, the law of love is undefeated.

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