My husband and I were excited to show our kids a movie we had enjoyed growing up, but as the opening credits started, so did my then eleven-year-old’s barrage of questions. “Why is the man doing that? Where is he going? Who is he talking to?”
“We’re not supposed to know yet,” I said. “Just keep watching.”
Turns out, that was the very advice I needed to hear.
I have a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and His redeeming Atonement, His merciful gospel, the plan of salvation, and God’s unconditional love. I know the Book of Mormon is true, that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, and that Russell M. Nelson is God’s prophet on the earth today.
But like so many faithful Saints, I still have questions. While I study what little has been revealed on certain topics, it’s frustrating not knowing more, and not knowing why more hasn’t been (and isn’t being) revealed. But now, when those frustrations settle in, I feel the Spirit echo back to me, “You’re not supposed to know yet. Just keep watching.”
What We Should Ask Ourselves
As a writer, I go to a lot of writing conferences, and the following scenario occurs at nearly every one of them. A presenter will teach a general rule of writing, telling hopeful novices what to avoid doing if they don't want to risk losing their reader. Then one of those novices will inevitably raise their hand and say, “But [famous author] did that exact thing in [book title].”
And they’re not wrong. But the reason that the author is able to successfully get away with doing something a new author couldn’t is because he or she already has a fanbase of dedicated readers—readers who know that they can trust this author and that if he or she breaks a conventional rule, it will make sense and pay off later. They trust that it will be a satisfying read in the end because they’ve read enough books by this author that they trust the author will deliver on this story as well.
It’s the same reason my son was able to hold onto his questions and keep watching—I had seen the movie, and he trusted me when I said everything would eventually make sense if he kept watching.
As I progress through the story of my life, journeying along the covenant path, there are things that don't make sense, questions with no satisfying answers. It is frustrating at times, but Christ is “the author of eternal salvation” and “the author and finisher of our faith” (Hebrews 5:9; 12:2). So, while He loves all my honest seeking, I’ve realized there is one question that matters more than any other:
Do I trust my Author?
Do I trust that God loves me and has my best interests at heart? Do I trust that He has all wisdom and that His reasons for withholding certain knowledge from me are wise and for my eternal benefit? Do I trust in His promise that the end of my story will be satisfying, even if I don’t yet have all the details I want about what that ending looks like?
Thankfully, that’s one question I do have the answer to, and it’s a resounding, determined yes.
As Sister Camille N. Johnson said, “Why do we want the Savior to be the author and the finisher of our stories? Because He knows our potential perfectly, He will take us to places we never imagined ourselves. … He will stretch us and refine us to be more like Him.”
So even though I don’t understand why God keeps making me wait for the further light and knowledge I sincerely and righteously desire, I’ll keep reading and watching, asking and searching—all while walking forward in faith with the limited knowledge I have. I’ll keep trusting the Author because He knows what He’s doing.
And He’s promised that someday, I’ll know it too.
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