In order to change the Mormon dating game, we need to be willing to change ourselves.
For those who end up in the dating phase of life longer than they planned it becomes one of their greatest trials to endure cheerfully. It is extremely easy to blame all of your dating problems on the opposite gender, but that leads to nothing but bitterness. Instead, of saying “If only girls did this” or “If only guys did that,” each one of us can change dating! We can each take the lead and change dating ourselves! To borrow from the wisdom of Mahatma Gandhi and adapt it, “Be the change that you wish to see in dating.”
Here are six ways we can be the change we wish to see in the Mormon dating game!
Decide that God will always be first in your life and your spouse second.
One of the keys to a happy and successful marriage is putting the needs, wants, and desires of someone in front of your own. It is learning to not be selfish, but to think of others. Your future wife/husband should always come before you. With your time, actions, and money never be selfish. But remember, whereas your future spouse should be in front of you, never put them in front of God.
Arguably the best dating advice was given to Moses on mount Sinai, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). Jesus further declared “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart” (Matthew 22:37). Learning to love God is the most important aspect of your future marriage, for your marriage covenant includes God. Decide today never to break any covenants, decide to be faithful to God under any circumstance.
If you don’t value your relationship with God and put Him above all else, nothing else will matter. The reason your relationship with God matters is because marriage is eternal, but it is only eternal if we keep our covenants and marriage is a three-way covenant with God. Broken covenants always lead to heartache. Therefore finding someone who has the same priorities of first God, second spouse, is vital to a happy marriage.
I once heard it said, "Run as fast towards God as you can and if someone keeps up, introduce yourself!" So if you have not found someone yet, then focus on running towards God.
“Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril.”
~Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.
Focus on becoming.
Instead of becoming discouraged with dating and falling into the trap of becoming bitter at the opposite gender, focus on becoming. Ask yourself some soul-searching questions like:
- “Am I the type of person I would want to marry?”
- “Am I the type of person my spouse is looking for?”
- “What goals can I set become better?”
Set goals for self-improvement and focus on becoming a man/woman of God. By focusing on becoming you will find less bitterness in waiting. Because instead of "just" waiting you will be growing. So study the scriptures; learn how the Spirit speaks to you; make, keep, and honor all of your covenants; serve and build His Kingdom; think about becoming a temple worker even!
As you set goals and work towards them, you will find life more enjoyable and the journey easier to walk.
“If you want to marry a wholesome, attractive, honest, happy, hardworking, spiritual person, be that kind of person.”
~Elder Robert D. Hales