When my youngest son, Reuben, was three months old, I was shocked to find a huge, nearly black bruise on his forearm. I could not think of when he would’ve gotten hurt like that. But I told myself to try and not stress out over a bruise and decided I would wait to ask the doctor about it until our next appointment, which was soon anyway. The bruise faded by the appointment, but when I took off Reuben’s onesie and turned him around to hand him to the doctor, I saw another huge bruise on his back. I panicked. But because Reuben was otherwise healthy, the doctor didn’t think the bruise was a problem.
I cried all the way home because I knew something was wrong. For the next month, I carefully documented any new bruises and how long they lasted. Then I called the doctor’s office and explained what I’d seen. They told me to bring Reuben in right away to do blood testing. Before that day was over, we had a diagnosis: Reuben has hemophilia, a genetic disorder where blood doesn’t clot properly due to a missing protein. Doctors said the next step was more testing to figure out how severe the disorder was.
We went home, but when I took off Reuben’s sweater, I saw that the arm where they’d drawn blood was almost black and twice the size of the other arm. We rushed to the ER, where we stayed for several days as they tried to get his internal bleeding under control.
It turns out Reuben has severe hemophilia. He needs regular infusions for the rest of his life to protect him from internal bleeding. He will also have to be more cautious than other people to avoid injury; a bump to the head or chest can become an emergency.
If I’m being totally honest, the whole experience shook my faith a little bit. I remember feeling like if there was a God, He was abandoning or punishing me. Why didn’t He answer my prayers to heal my son?
Reuben is five years old now, and while each new phase of his life brings uncertainty, I’ve learned a few things over the years that have strengthened my faith.
First, I’ve learned that God can’t just take away everything hard; sometimes we have to go through hard things because they are what’s going to make us better in the long run. As much as I wish I could take the pain of hemophilia away from Reuben, I can’t deny that hemophilia has also brought a lot of good into our lives. It has brought our family closer together, introduced us to an amazing community, and made us all better, stronger, and more compassionate people.
Second, I’m inspired by the difference between two stories in the New Testament. When the disciples are caught in a dangerous storm on the sea, Jesus ends the storm and brings complete peace. Later, during the Last Supper, Jesus promises His disciples peace, but the next day He dies, and life for the disciples becomes confusing and scary. Jesus’s promise of peace is fulfilled in both stories, just in different ways. For our family, the storm of hemophilia may not end, but Christ brings us peace as we journey through it.
Editor’s note: This article first appeared in the September/October issue of LDS Living.
More articles for you:
▶ 3 sweet traditions Pres. Oaks has with his grandchildren
▶ Elder Caussé’s album was once No. 1 on a Billboard chart
▶ A seminary teacher’s secret to helping your family love scripture study
