Ok, ladies. Here is everything we guys want to say about dating you, but won’t because we have communication issues. Brace yourself.
So many times I hear the sentiment, "Why does no one ask me out?" Let me give you the run down on the obstacles we men have to climb to get to that point.
Obstacle #1: Fear
You gals are lucky in your fear. You’re in danger that what you say will hurt him. We’re afraid that what we say will hurt us. The bottom line is that our pride and our dignity are on the line in either case. We hesitate to ask because getting shot down 100 times is not my vision of the romantic pathway to finding “the one.” It gets old after a while. So make a bit more of an effort to date and open up a time for us. Please? We cannot always cater to you. Real relationships are give and take, and if I am all give and no take, I won’t pursue that relationship.
Obstacle #2: The Hint
We are not as stupid as we may seem, or look, or act, or … you get the drift. When you say, “I would love to, but …” I throw up a red flag. Too many girls are too afraid to say “No” flat out. Instead, I get obscure references to family reunions, work, school, etc., to make me think they’re busy so I’ll lay off.
The truth is, it is almost impossible to tell when a girl is sincere or giving us the cold shoulder. Open up your schedule if you want us to date. Suggest alternative times
or activities if our ideas won’t work. If you want the date, let me know
you do. Don’t make me play 20 questions for weeks on end. And please, just tell me if you’re not interested.
Obstacle #3: The Show
I’m not going to throw away $50 on a dinner to impress a girl; I just want to get to know her. If I have to keep up an expensive theme-park-of-a-life to make a girl happy, it’s over before it begins. I don’t want our happiness together based on money, or what fun things we’ll do next.
Of course dates should be fun. But that is not the point, and as a return missionary following the prophet, I avoid non-committal like the Black Death. I am sure many guys have a different take, and I know tons of guys who need to step up to the plate and start dating. But if it requires pulling tooth and nail to get you on a date, if you want me to spend tons of cash to satisfy you, or if you drag your feet and make it awkward for me, can you blame me for not asking you out?
Here are some answers, advice, and insights into dating from a girl’s perspective. Guys, here is what you need to know.
#1: Aggressive Girls
Beware of aggressive girls, but don’t be turned off when a girl takes initiative. If a girl asks you out, you still need to be a gentleman. I've asked a guy out and he actually paid for the date (which I appreciated but did not expect), opened my door (which I find a hair short of mandatory for any gentleman worth his salt), and asked me as many questions as I asked him (therefore treating me like I was worth his time). How you treat someone, especially someone you don’t care about, shows what kind of person you are. Be a gentleman and pay no heed to “extreme feminist,” man-eating ideas.
#2: Why Good Girls Like "Bad Boys"
Confidence. Most “good guys” believe in the ridiculous idiom: good guys finish last. Get that out of your head! If you want to go on date or get to know someone, the only person stopping you is yourself. The answer is confidence. My dad once told me that if I believed I was the best catch out there (in a humble way, of course), everyone else would think so, too. I promise this is true. Confidence shows initiative and charm, both of which girls find irresistible. Find what style of confidence works best for you. With confidence, being yourself, having fun, finding dates, and even breaking up are all easier. Be confident, not cocky, and you will be successful in dating.
Learn to talk face-to-face. Scared to initiate in person and want to test the waters first? Use text messages and Facebook for quick communication, fun flirting, and dropping robust and harmless hints, but do not use non-verbal communication to ask girls on dates or communicate important information. When I’ve been asked on dates via text, I have felt that the guy didn’t care enough to put his best foot forward or to take a slight risk. It felt unofficial and last minute. Speaking face-to-face shows someone they are worth a little extra time, effort, and risk.
#4: Be Honest
Breaking hearts is my least favorite activity, but we all know it is necessary. Even if you hate to watch girls cry, be honest. If you really like her and want something more, be honest. If you don’t even want to be “just friends,” be honest. Even if girls cry, beg, or scream, you are doing both of you a favor in the long run by being honest, so don’t think you are doing what is best by skirting the problem or lying. On a different note, be honest with your actions. Kisses and physical attention say a lot to girls. After kissing a girl, you may think, “Wow I like to kiss,” but a girl may think, “Wow! He loves to kiss ME!” Girls emotionally bond through physical touch much more than guys do, so be careful who you choose to be romantic/touchy/physical with.
#5: Take It Slow
Relationships are healthiest and girls are happiest when three things are in balance: physical affection, emotional attachment, and commitment. Keep things in low gear to avoid hurt. A base friendship is important in relationships and in dating. You can talk to, trust, care for, and confide in a good friend; you cannot do such things with someone you are blindly crazy about. Don’t let a flame of over-zealousness passion burn a future. Have fun, slow down, and enjoy the dating adventure!
#6: Make Me Feel Safe
In my experience, feeling safe on a date is one of the most important things. If I can’t trust you, your driving, your words, or your hands, I will feel anxious around you. Guys: know that girls are people pleasers. We want to make everyone feel happy and loved and hate saying no. When a girl says no, stop. It is your responsibility to make the girl feel emotionally, physically, and spiritually safe. Never pressure her to put your entertainment above her own comfort level and safety.
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