Latter-day Saint Life

Al Fox Carraway: When a Member Told Me I Should End My Life Because of How I Look


Most of us have had those encounters with other members that leave us feeling miffed, to put it lightly. 

Sometimes, their comments are meant well.

Like the little comment about modesty or advice for how to wrangle your kids during sacrament meeting.

But sometimes, it's not. Or sometimes, it just doesn't come across as nice. Whatever the motive or attitude behind it, some things other members say can be downright mean or offensive. 

Al Fox Carraway is no stranger to this. She admitted in a recent blog post that some members even go as far as to tell her she should "end her life" because of how she looks. 

But, as she was quick to point out, the purpose of her blog isn't to judge others.

"All of us can comment about how judging is wrong until we’re blue in the face!" she quips.

Instead of calling out this man like so many do through social media posts, inciting a perpetual cycle of online comments, Carraway gives this beautiful piece of advice.

"You just worry about you and worry about God," she wrote.

It sounds so simple, but it's so true. 

In Elder Bednar's October 2006 general conference talk "And Nothing Shall Offend Them," he describes this choice we have to make to move on or let feelings of hurt fester when confronted with a bad encounter with another member:

When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

And when it comes to how to respond to a mean comment or offense, Al Fox Carraway has the perfect approach:

"So, when yet another time someone says something mean to you, intentionally or not, here’s what we need to do:

"We keep trying. We keep going. We keep going to church. We keep reading the scriptures. We keep praying. We keep going to the temple. We keep turning to God. We keep smiling. Keep laughing. Keep doing you. And keep loving, serving, trusting, and turning to God.
"Because nothing is worth giving up our forever happiness."

And although it's not always easy and we may even feel incredibly angry or hurt, the best thing for us is, ultimately, to move on.

"Because it’s living the gospel that matters," she writes. "It’s making sure we aren’t letting anything affect our forever that matters. It’s about feeding and taking care of the eternal soul living within us that matters. It’s about what we’re doing to try to serve Him and become better is what matters. How God sees us is what matters. And He sees us as someone capable of becoming like Him."

To read the full blog, click here or listen to the blog below.

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Fox Carraway has spent the last four years inspiring the world with her story of conversion, redemption, and finding faith. As a blogger and award-winning public speaker, her message has reached millions. This up-close look at her life will show you what it means to truly trust in the Lord.


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