To one day become like our Father, we … need to learn to recognize another’s agency. One of the most heart-wrenching circumstances dealing with personal agency is when someone close to us chooses a path other than what we feel is best for them. Perhaps one of the hardest to navigate is when a loved one chooses to leave the Church we love.

Many of our heroes in scripture have grappled with heartache and disappointment when a child chooses a different path. Lehi and Sariah continued to love and include Laman and Lemuel even when they rebelled against God’s commands. Alma the Elder pleaded with God for help with his wayward son Alma, as did King Mosiah, whose four sons used their agency to join with Alma the Younger and fight against the Church.

Certainly, God understands such pain and weeps over His children who choose to reject the warmth of His covenantal embrace. When Enoch asked how “the God of heaven” could weep when His children rebelled against His commandments, the Lord answered, “Behold these ... are the workmanship of mine own hands ... and in the Garden of Eden, gave I unto man his agency; and unto thy brethren have I ... given commandment, that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood” (Moses 7:28, 32–33).

To sincerely love another is to be vulnerable to heartbreak, as our Father certainly knows all too well. God also knows the value of time and experiencing the consequences of our choices in the learning process of becoming like Him. And He is patient. Very patient. Can we trust God’s timetable and ability to rescue our loved ones?

While giving those we love space to learn God’s will for them, we can create an environment of love where they can be reminded of the Savior’s constant awareness, healing balm, and enabling power.

Frederik Hegner Odgaard experienced a broken heart after returning from his mission to find that his beloved 19-year-old brother no longer wanted to participate in the Church. Frederik’s mission had taught him to ask inspired questions and to listen to answers with compassion and patience. So, he spent time showing his brother that he would love and care for him even when his brother didn’t choose the gospel.

After two years, he reported that his relationship with his brother was still good. “We don’t talk about the gospel much, but we talk about other things. I still wish that we could have the gospel in common, but we do have a lot of other things in common. We still hang out and do things together, and I love him for who he is.”

Frederik concluded, “We can’t always control the actions of others, especially when it comes to matters of strengthening our faith or living the gospel. But I know that even if those we love most in the world have challenges of faith, when we prioritize God and follow His will and strive to hear Him, we will always be blessed with answers, with a strong testimony, and with the spiritual revelation we need to keep following Him.”¹

God hasn’t given up on Frederik’s brother and neither has Frederik. Taking the long view, our trust in the Lord’s healing power can be strengthened as we show our love for those who no longer believe by rejoicing in all that is still so very, very good in them.

Miracles happen every day in the world. Lost souls sincerely repent, hearts change, sealed doors suddenly open, and wounds heal. We long for such miracles for those we love. And we long for them today.

Answers from scripture and latter-day prophets suggest there is no formulaic reason that satisfies every circumstance when personal agencies collide. Sometimes God does indeed intercede, and other times it feels like no Divine Hand is reaching out to help. These are among the conundrums we continually navigate in mortality. Always, however, God offers confirmation that He is aware of us and that He provides compensatory blessings.²

While talk of compensatory blessings at the time of our deepest loss is like ripping open our wounds, given time—most often LOTS of time, with the balm of the Atoning One, those wounds will heal. In every way, Jesus Christ came to “bind up the brokenhearted” (Isaiah 61:1). And He arises “with healing in his wings” (Malachi 4:2).

Editor’s note: This article is an excerpt from Camille Fronk Olson’s new book, But If Not: Finding God in Unmet Expectations and Unwanted Detours.

Find faith in uncertainty

With trust in God’s plan of happiness, His word, and His healing balm, beloved author Camille Frank Olson explores how the consequences of living in a fallen world, our own mortality and personal agency, and unfounded gospel interpretations sometimes take us on unexpected detours.

Available at Deseret Book, deseretbook.com, and via Bookshelf+.

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Notes
1. Frederik Hegner Odgaard, “Staying Strong When Loved Ones Leave the Church,” YA Weekly, 7 April 2021.
2. Elder Brian K. Taylor explained, “We may not know the why, yet gratefully, we know He who loveth [us] and [doeth] all things for [our] welfare and happiness (1 Nephi 11:17; Helaman 12:2)” (“Swallowed Up in the Joy of Christ,” Liahona, May 2024).