Latter-day Saint Life

Huff Post Features LDS Wife: 7 Things My Divorce Taught Me About Marriage


This is something everyone should read. I love these thoughts: "You will find that each day, as the variables of your life change, what you are able to offer will change as well. Marry someone that understands that. . . . Marry someone that is willing to meet you not halfway but where you need them." "Life is about the time that you spend together. It's not about where it's spent."

So yeah, I was 22 when I filed for a divorce.

How embarrassing is that? I was distraught. Never wanted the world to know that I had failed at being married. I could not have been more positive that I was going to be the black sheep in the world of people my age, especially since I had a 1-year-old. I prepared myself to be shunned and was in the process of figuring out how to be okay on my own, forever.

Once I got out of the dramatic stage, feeling bad for myself and my situation, I found that, sadly, it wasn't as uncommon as I thought to be young and divorced. It was around that time that I started to put a lot of thought into why we live in a time where divorce is so common and for some so easy.

So with that, I started digging deeper into my divorce to find what I could walk away with to prepare for my future, whatever that may hold. Before I dive into the things that I learned, I need to say that divorce is sometimes the only answer. There will be people out there that tell you that any relationship can be fixed and that you should fight forever to make it work. But it's to those of you that are in abusive relationships whether verbal or physical. It's to those that are victims of infidelity, to those that are taking second place to drugs, alcohol or other addictions that seem to be endless, it's to you that I say, it's okay to say, "I've had enough..."

Marriage is not 50/50. Nor is it 100/100.

I think that we've all heard many times in different variations that marriage requires both people doing an equal amount of work. I can't tell you how many people gave me this piece of advice prior to my first marriage. "Now listen honey, marriage is 50/50, always make sure that you are doing your part." And they were right.

Every person in a relationship has a part, or a role. Each person needs to make a contribution to your home and family each day. It is something that will make or break a marriage.

On the contrast, I had also been given the advice that marriage was 100/100. "Sweetheart, you need to make sure that you are giving your all to your partner not half of you. They should be your focus." Again, there is truth in this nugget of good willed advice.

Each person should live their life with the intent to make their spouse happy. They should consistently be trying to find ways to strengthen their relationship and should often go the extra mile for their significant other.

So what is the correct percentage of how much I should contribute to my marriage you ask? Well, the answer is simple and I have found through the best and the worst days that there is no correct answer. There is no consistent percentage that will yield the healthy marriage that we are all searching for. I don't know about you, but each day the amount of energy that I have to offer is different.

Lead image from Huffington Post.
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