Latter-day Saint Life

Why I Decided to Marry a Recovering Pornography Addict


When I was younger, I remember writing things down that described my perfect husband: “tall, dark, and handsome,” “loves kids,” and “great sense of humor.” As a member of the Church, I certainly didn’t expect “pornography addict” to be included on my list when I did find my dream husband.

I fell for Neil hard and fast. He was one of the kindest men I had ever been around. He was loving and easygoing, never said anything bad about anyone, and was just extremely likable. Tall, dark, and handsome didn’t hurt either! I felt like I could completely be myself around him. Neil made me feel like I was home. I was pretty sure I wanted to be with him forever just a couple months into dating him.

Neil, on the other hand, had been in many relationships and had a pattern of dumping girlfriends around the three-month mark. True to pattern, he broke up with me too, just before Christmas. I was devastated.

“I Have a Problem with Pornography”

You know that feeling when you break up with someone you really love and you can’t eat or sleep or even think? That was me. I kept wondering what in the world had gone wrong, since everything with us seemed to be going so right. I finally called Neil to ask for some sort of explanation. And to my total surprise, he said, “Let’s go on a drive.”

I’ll never forget on that cold December night, as snowflakes fell softly onto the car windshield, Neil uttering the words, “I have a problem with pornography.”

Neil later shared with me that his pattern of breaking off relationships didn’t have much to do with the women he dated but everything to do with running away from the chance that anyone might get close enough to him to see through the “good guy” facade.

The funny thing is, Neil really is a good guy—so good to the core. But pornography can make people feel like they’re not ever going to be good enough, like they’re not worthy of being loved.

Lead image from
Stay in the loop!
Enter your email to receive updates on our LDS Living content