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9 Things No One Tells You About Marriage


8. You'll do church differently, and that's okay.

Even if you and your spouse both have a testimony, I can guarantee the two of you will live the gospel in unique ways. From when you arrive at church to how you participate in Sunday School and when you pay your tithing to how you keep the Word of Wisdom, you and your spouse do things differently. You were raised by different families and you've developed your testimony in different ways. Instead of getting hung up on the differences, focus on the heart of living the gospel—that you and your spouse both want to grow closer to each other and the Savior.

► You'll also like: What to Do When You and Your Spouse Disagree on How to Live the Gospel

When debates or disagreements come up, do what you would do for any disagreement: first, seek to understand your spouse's perspective, then explain your ideas without trying to "convert" them. Both of you need to be open-minded and realize that the culture of the Church is not the same thing as commandments. Be flexible and find ways you can both help each other become better disciples of Christ.

9. Be prepared for lots of fun—and to work for it.

Remind yourself every day that marriage is exciting and fun. While some days that truth might seem like a no-brainer, it might surprise you how often we begin taking wonderful things for granted. Find the adventure in planning out finances and preparing for the future, dream big together, and don't let the everyday steps or incredibly long list of things to be done dim that excitement. 

This is another area where it helps to let go of expectations. You have no idea what may come in your future, so setting concrete plans that are likely to fail only leads to frustration. Instead, set goals and plans that you have control over and can both contribute to, plans like living within your means, making the gospel a priority, attending the temple often, performing service regularly, etc.

Making marriage fun involves a tricky balance of learning how to make plans and being flexible and spontaneous. Now that your family consists of two people with very busy schedules, you might need to start planning a little ahead if you ever want date nights, trips, family visits, and temple nights to happen. However, in your hustle to get things done and move ahead in your new life together, don't underestimate the importance of just enjoying time together when you can be goofy or spontaneous. Make a goal to laugh together every day. Some of the best memories and discussions come about by just giving yourselves time to forget the stress and laugh.


For more great marriage advice, check out these valuable Latter-day Saint resources:

Love Is a Choice

As Elder Robbins teaches, the daily choices we make in our marriages and families are what shape lasting love. He helps us to recognize the role that our agency plays in developing forgiveness, patience, kindness, responsibility, and other virtuous traits. We come to see that as we actively try to do things differently, Christ helps us to be the people He wants us to be — people like Him.

Preparing for Your Celestial MarriagePreparing for Your Celestial Marriage.

The eternal significance of the questions of how to find—and become—a great marriage partner can feel overwhelming. With humor and warmth, LDS family therapist and BYU Marriage Preparation Teacher Dr. Mark Ogletree presents principles of marriage preparation that address the questions and concerns of today's young single adults.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Marriage

There are certain fundamental principles that govern in all human interactions and living in harmony with those principles or natural laws is absolutely essential for quality family life. Dr. Stephen R. Covey has watched over the past 50 years how the situation for marriage and family has changed powerfully and dramatically. Many couples and families are using the principles in the 7 Habits framework to grow stronger and stay on track.

Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages

Sexuality can be one of the most perplexing and yet rewarding area of life for spiritually minded individuals. In this book the authors present a pathway to building positive sexual attitudes and a healthy sexual relationship with a spouse that can be enriching and fulfilling on the spiritual journey of this life. In addition, they address many of the common questions LDS individuals have about sex that may not have been adequately answered by existing sources.

You, Me, and We: A Practical Guide to Marital Intimacy

For many faithful members, counsel from bishops and even therapists may not be enough when it comes to marital intimacy. Focusing strictly on what other books missed, this insightful volume goes into respectful but needed detail to discuss common problems and solutions and separate myths from facts. Whether you're newlyweds or long-cherished partners, learn how to strengthen your marriage today by improving your physical relationship.

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