Catie Borland, a Latter-day Saint from Virginia, was surprised when she found herself questioning her faith. She says it started with a righteous desire: to learn, know, and understand more.
“I [became] so distracted by all of the noise and all of the things I was listening to and learning about and just the busyness of life [that I stopped] creating any stillness in my life,” she says. Before she fully realized what was happening, her questions and doubts mounted to the point that she put away her scriptures, stopped wearing her temple garments, and said she wasn’t sure if she would remain in the Church.
“It was all-consuming, really. It was so hard and worrisome and scary,” Catie says. For her, questioning the gospel was never a matter of rebellion or wanting to live a dramatically different lifestyle. Her intent was always to seek God’s truth.
For the years Catie wrestled with her doubts and questions, her husband, David, was right by her side. He and Catie were recently guests on the All In podcast, where they discussed their journey and what David did to support his wife.
How David Responded to Catie’s Questioning
While it was challenging for David to watch the person he loved most struggle, he didn’t question his faith himself.
“I didn’t believe because Catie believed. And I didn’t believe because my parents believe. I had received that witness myself. … I never had one major experience, but I’ve had a lot of small experiences throughout my life that [are] just undeniable. … From what I’ve experienced and the … habits I’ve built, I wasn’t in a position to walk … away [from the gospel],” he says.
So, David did all he could to support Catie and that included giving her the space to talk about how she was feeling.
“I knew that convincing her was never going to be the solution, although I wanted to,” David says. “There wasn’t going to be anything that I could say to convince her that the Church was true or convince her of … any belief. She had to go through that on her own.”
But David was committed to being right by his wife’s side as she struggled. He strove to be “the best listener and safe place” he could possibly be. Because their marriage had always centered on open communication, he and Catie had many conversations about her faith. David often expressed his testimony but never for the purpose of convincing Catie.
“We had plenty of those conversations ... [and] I mean, maybe they helped, maybe they didn’t, but it wasn’t going to be to convince her to try to change her mind. That was never my intent. My intent was to trust in the [Spirit] and trust that it was going to all work out. … The Spirit would really be the one to help her feel and know,” David says.
Waiting to see how it would all work out wasn’t always an easy journey.
What to Do When the Journey Is Hard
For a while, it didn’t look like Catie would stick with the Church, which left David discouraged and worried about the future.
“I didn’t have any doubts about our marriage or anything like that. I had zero doubts about our relationship,” he says. “[But] I thought a lot about our family and what this would mean, … like, are we going to still support [our kids] going on a mission? These are questions I think are very natural to have if you think something potentially could go another direction.”
But even when it appeared things were not going the way David hoped they would, he relied on the Spirit.
“The Spirit is the one who converts. I knew it was going to work out—or at least I was confident it would—and I’m grateful it has. But there were many times where [Catie’s future in the Church] certainly was a question or worry, for sure. … There was a lot of touch-and-go.”
In those times of worry, David turned to what he calls the “tried and true” of the gospel.
What David Did Try to Control
David fasted for Catie nearly every week for years. Since he knew his goal would never be to convince or control his wife, he turned to what was in his control—his actions.
“When things get really difficult, you go back to the fundamentals,” he says. “I have a firm testimony of prayer and fasting. I know it works. So, that’s what I leaned into as hard as I could. [I knew] that I wasn’t going to be able to control the outcome, but I certainly could control how I approached it.”
And then he exercised patience. Even in encouraging moments when Catie seemed to be turning toward the Church, David resisted the urge to jump ahead and assume that everything was back to normal. Instead, he focused on taking the journey one step at a time, continuing to fast and pray.
Catie says David “was amazing” throughout her journey of faith.
“I think one of the reasons David was able to show up for me the way that he did—not always perfectly, but a pretty dang good job the majority of the time—was because he doubled down on his faith and his beliefs and those fundamental things,” she says. “And I think that is what allowed him to show up for me in the way that was perfect for me. He was a really good example of relying on those fundamental truths and faith, and I know it made a huge difference in what I went through.”
You can learn more from Catie and David on All In, available wherever you get your podcasts.
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