Within the home is often where children begin to recognize the Spirit’s voice. For Debra and Harry Bonner, teaching this skill to their eight children was a daily, intentional practice.
The Bonner family, beloved for their musical talents and testimonies, recently released a book called I Want Jesus to Walk With Me about their lives and faith. Reflecting on her upbringing, daughter Clotile says that her parents' example made seeking personal revelation feel more natural for her: “We watched them [follow the Spirit] day in, day out, and they taught us how to do it since we were little.”
How did the Bonner parents seek to teach their children to hear the Spirit’s voice? Clotile mentions at least four ways that worked for their family.
1. Let Them Pray Early On
Clotile says that when her younger siblings were learning to pray, her parents never whispered in their ears what they should say. Instead, she says they encouraged them to pray about “whatever is on your heart.”
She even remembers her parents letting the littlest kids say family prayers before they could form full sentences. The children would make their babbling noises and then end with “Amen!”
“And then that would [eventually] formulate into something,” Clotile says.
2. Point Them to the Lord First
Hour-long family councils were held weekly in the Bonner home. Anything was up for discussion in these gatherings, including questions about faith.
“It was important to my mom that we communicate and talk things through,” Clotile says. “And my dad used to say, ‘If we can’t do it here, we can’t do it anywhere.’”
But before Clotile’s parents would address one of her or her siblings’ questions, they always had a question for them first: “Did you talk to the Lord about it, and what did He say?”
“That was just always their go-to answer,” Clotile says. “If we hadn’t prayed, they wouldn’t really have much discussion until after we had. That was huge in our family.”
Clotile felt this practice helped the kids stand spiritually on their own two feet.
“That got us through everything,” Clotile says. “Even on the big things and the little things, [we were told] to go to Him and see what His point of view was, and then get in alignment with that.”
3. Teach by Example
Clotile remembers watching her parents talk to and follow the Lord in everything. For example, as one of the older children, she was impacted by the way her parents named each child.
“They always talked to the Lord about the baby’s name,” she says. “I remember it was always a sacred moment when the name was announced.”
In particular, she distinctly remembers the day her youngest brother was named. His name is Nyamekye Onyameba, which in Twi, a Ghanaian language, means “gift of God, son of God.” (He goes by “Oba” for short.) Debra and Harry invited friends who were from the part of Africa where the name comes from to attend Oba’s blessing in church.
“They walked into the sacrament meeting room in all of their African garb. Wow—they looked like kings and queens,” Clotile says, later again using the word “wow” to describe how she felt as her brother was blessed.
Whether it was naming a baby, deciding to move, or helping a child overcome an obstacle, Harry was always an example of seeking the Spirit’s direction.
“My dad, he’s the son of a preacher, and it’s in his blood to be a steward over his children spiritually. That’s what he was—our steward and our captain,” Clotile says.
4. Trust Them
Finally, Clotile says she felt her parents trusted her spirituality. As a teenager, if she or another sibling wanted to go to a different church on Sunday, they were welcome to do so as long as they also attended the family’s Latter-day Saint ward.
“My dad allowed us to just go and trust us to make some decisions at some point in our teenage lives,” Clotile says. “I think that allowed us to stand up and own our spiritual journey.”
As Clotile now parents her own two children, she says trusting a child spiritually is one of the most important things you can do to create love at home.
“Teach them the way and let go. Give them some autonomy and love them through whatever that looks like, because I think it will just ricochet right back. They may go around the bend and the corner, but they come back new and improved and more committed.”
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