I wasn’t expecting to wear jeans to the temple.

In fact, I wasn’t expecting to worship in the temple at all that weekend.

Recently, I flew to Utah to attend a writing conference in Provo. Though I was having a wonderful time, recent events, difficult circumstances of those I love, and daunting future decisions weighed heavily on my mind.

After the classes ended on Friday, groups of people splintered off to dinner and party plans. Though invited, I declined. While I’m typically social at these events, I felt drawn to spend some time alone.

I walked the streets around the hotel. I perused quaint shops, delicious eateries, and even a grocery store, trying to distract myself from the questions and feelings that were pressing on me.

Then, I saw it—Moroni sitting atop the Provo City Center Temple.

And then, I felt it—I wanted to be in there. The feeling wasn’t an impression from God telling me where I should be. Instead, I had the clear realization that my soul longed for—and needed to be—in the temple.

I quickly looked up the reservation schedule on the Member Tools app. There was one more session at 8 p.m. It had two seats available.

I could make it, but then, I looked down.

I was wearing a striped shirt, jeans, and white sneakers. I wouldn’t have time to change.

My heart sank.

I looked up at the temple spire again and felt it was where I needed to be.

So, I quickly walked the three blocks to the temple. I reached for the entrance door handle but hesitated.

I was going to wear my jeans and Adidas sneakers to the Lord’s house.

For a moment, I worried. Would the temple workers let me in? Would they judge? Would they care?

But my heart needed to be inside.

I said a prayer and opened the door.

I was greeted by kind temple workers, who led me to the clothing rental counter.

“I’m sorry I’m underdressed,” I said. “I wasn’t expecting to come. But I needed to be here.”

Unexpected tears began to fall with those last words, giving a quiet voice to all my questions, concerns, and fears that were pushing their way out.

The sweet sister behind the counter rushed to meet me, shaking her head. “You are exactly where you should be,” she said, smiling. “We are so glad you’re here.”

With my rental clothes in hand and my Adidas on my feet, I weaved through the temple to the locker room and finally to the privacy of my own dressing stall. Bonnie Overly’s thoughts about the transformative beauty of the locker room came to mind as I traded my jeans for a clean, white dress.

It felt symbolic, trading my angst for the Lord’s peace.

During my worship that night, I prayed for direction, answers, and guidance. I wish I could say I had a marvelous revelatory experience where all the answers were downloaded from heaven into my mind. But that didn’t happen.

As I write this article, I still face the same challenges, my loved ones still have their struggles, and I still have some major decisions to make.

However, two things did happen.

One, I felt the calming reassurance that I am seen and that answers and help will come.

And two, I felt God’s peace. Warmth. Healing. Love.

After the endowment session, I changed back into the same jeans and shoes I had worn to the temple, but I wasn’t leaving the same.

As Elder Ulisses Soares said:

This transformation is what happened to me.

I didn’t get the answers. But I did receive healing.

My heart was hurting, and before my mind understood, my heart knew exactly where it needed to go to be healed.

I’ve never worn jeans to the temple before, and chances are, it won’t happen again.

But I am so glad I didn’t let them stop me from going that night. My soul wanted to be there, and, I believe, the Lord wanted to bless me with His power in the temple, even when I wasn’t sure I belonged there that day.

I’m so glad I swallowed the nervousness and awkward feelings and went to the house of the Lord so He could give me what I needed.

More articles for you:
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▶ How temple worship brought miracles to a teen struggling with friendships

Learn to feel at home in the temple

In An Endowment of Love: Embracing Christ's Covenant Way of Living and Loving, author Melinda W. Brown invites us to join her in a unique approach to the temple that is specifically focused on developing a loving relationship with the Lord and learning His way of loving God and others. Available at Deseret Book and DeseretBook.com.

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