Helping people doesn’t always come naturally. Often, our assumptions about what others need may not actually be what’s best for them. So, how can we serve others better?
On a recent episode of the Magnify podcast, Sharon Eubank suggests that asking good questions is essential to enacting effective service. Sharon currently serves as the global humanitarian director for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and has decades of experience overseeing global sustainable development initiatives.
“If I could give [advice to] anybody who cares about helping other people, the very first thing is sit down with the people you’re trying to help and ask a lot of questions,” Sharon says. “Let them tell you what they need. Don’t assume or put forward your own ideas, because you will inevitably be wrong.”
Here’s why Sharon believes this approach can lead to more lasting solutions.
Questions Bring Clarity and Connection
Whenever we want to help others, Sharon suggests that we have to overcome our natural responses and potential biases: “Our brain is constantly calculating, ‘What benefit will I get out of that? What’s in it for me?’ That’s just our normal evolutionary brain that’s going on. We have to overcome that with our higher tendencies.”
But once we move beyond our instincts and focus on the other person, we still run the risk of determining what’s best for someone without fully understanding his or her situation.
“When I make an assumption and then I go forward, that’s when mistakes get made,” Sharon says. “We have selected the wrong thing or the wrong time because we never respected that person enough to ask them what they want.”
To gain clarity, Sharon suggests the key to learning what someone truly needs is asking follow-up questions and listening to their answers. She’s experienced the power of this strategy on the receiving end as well.
“My gold standard for asking questions is if somebody will ask a follow-up question,” she says. “That shows me you’re listening to me and you’re trying to build on the information you just got from me.
“It’s a connection. … And that’s part of the art of humanitarian work.”
In her new book, Doing Small Things with Great Love, Sharon shares example questions you might ask to better connect with someone you’re serving, including:
- “What’s going on?”
- “Why is that happening?”
- “What have you tried?”
- “What happened when you tried that?”
- “What are you doing now?”
- “What do you wish you had?”
- “What do you want long-term?”
- “How can I help?”
True Help Is an Exchange
Ultimately, Sharon hopes people remember that effective service requires establishing a relationship and trusting that the person is the best expert for what they need. This approach can help us see the people we’re serving as peers rather than projects.
“I feel it is important to carefully acknowledge that true help is an exchange; it might not be an even exchange, but everyone benefits,” Sharon writes in her book. “However you determine to help another person, it’s critical to recognize that the relationship is equal even if the circumstances may not be.”
As we fill in each other’s gaps and create connection, Sharon believes that we also connect with the Savior, Jesus Christ. His charity never fails, offering an endless source of love and grace that we can rely on and emulate in our service efforts.
“He’s never going to leave me,” Sharon explains on the Magnify podcast. “I think for me, that’s the personal definition of charity: I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here. I care about you, and I’m not going to leave you. …
“And that kind of ‘charity never faileth’ is at the very heart of what it means to be a humanitarian or a disciple of Jesus Christ. They’re the same thing.”
Learn more from Sharon in the full episode, which is available on all major podcast streaming platforms.
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