LDS Living recently spoke with Dr. Camilla Hodge, a family scholar at Brigham Young University who has researched how to design family gatherings that lead to positive outcomes. One of her favorite suggestions for families is to diversify your family activity profile.
What Does It Mean to Diversify Your Activity Profile?
Dr. Hodge recommends that families intentionally try new things together—but not only new things. Relationships need both predictability and novelty to thrive. Her research has found that “the strongest predictor of relationship quality among college-aged siblings wasn’t the number of shared experiences they had, and it wasn’t the type of shared experiences they had. It was how many different things they had done together.”1
Try mixing low-interaction activities with high-interaction activities. For example, on a recent family vacation, Dr. Hodge’s family watched familiar movies they all loved (a predictable, low-interaction activity) and went on outdoor excursions together (a novel, high-interaction activity).
Coming up with different things to do together doesn’t have to be complicated. You can effectively diversify without leaving your hometown, or even your home. It can be as simple as picking a new restaurant to eat at or trying a new card game. Even intentionally talking about something different can spark connections. Dr. Hodge has found success using a stack of cards with conversation prompts.
“We can spark really meaningful conversations with our loved ones just by asking questions that invite reflection or talking about things we don’t typically talk about. Conversation cards can prompt us to tell stories and remind us of things we’ve gone through together,” she says.
As you consider how you might diversify your family activity profile, Dr. Hodge recommends keeping in mind the true purpose of gathering for recreation.
The True Meaning of Recreation
With many recreation options available to families, parents and grandparents may wonder what is worth the time or cost. They may even feel pressured to do something based on what others are doing. Dr. Hodge has a guiding principle to keep in mind when making choices about recreation.
“The word recreation, if you break it down, is ‘re-create,’ right? If you can design your family recreation to be something that refreshes yourselves and helps you return to your values, return to the stories and the identity that you share with your family, that’s what makes it valuable,” she says.
“There are social and cultural expectations on parents that can be just a recipe for burnout. Reject those ideas—say ‘No, thank you!’ And use your leisure time to actually restore yourselves and your families. That’s the most valuable thing to do.”
A Helpful Way to Think About Family Life
Dr. Hodge compares family life to a complex mosaic: many little pieces work together to create the whole picture. Family gatherings and recreation are just a small piece of our mosaics.
“There’s maybe this misplaced hope that ‘the family that plays together stays together.’ The reality—and this is a common theme in the research—is that family leisure is not any sort of panacea; it’s not some silver-bullet solution,” Dr. Hodge says. “But I like to think of the one-percent rule: if we can optimize all these little pieces of family life by one percent, then that accumulates, and family life generally gets better. Optimize where possible, but also continue to give yourselves grace.”
Below, find five simple tips from Dr. Hodge for creating more connections with your family.
1. Take the conversation outside.2 Studies have shown that talking outside can lead to more positive communication.
2. Move together. When we move together (or sing together), our heart rate and brain activity synchronize. That change in our physiology leads us to feel more connected to each other.3
3. Say “thank you” publicly. Whether around the dinner table or in the car, thanking a member of your family for something specific in front of other family members will lead to a more positive environment.
4. Don’t underestimate travel time. It can be easier to talk freely in the car because the lack of consistent eye contact often helps people relax. And long drives can be a great way to gradually ease into deeper conversation.
5. Do the least stressful thing. If a relationship is a little tense, try a simple activity that leaves less room for talking, such as going to a movie. Complicated or stressful activities can actually exacerbate family problems, so give yourself permission to keep it simple.
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Notes
1. Layland, E. K., Hodge, C. J., Glaza, M., & Peets, J. O. (2020). Rethinking leisure time use metrics: Greater diversity in shared sibling leisure is associated with higher relationship quality during emerging adulthood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 37(2), 516–537. DOI: 10.1177/0265407519867771.
2. Izenstark, D., Ravindran, N., Rodriguez, S., & Devine, N. (2021). The affective and conversational benefits of a walk in nature among mother-daughter dyads. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-being, 13(2), 299–316. https://doi.org/10.1111/aphw.12250.
3. Robson, D. (2024). The laws of connection: The scientific secrets of building a strong social network. New York: Pegasus Books.
