For most of my life, I haven’t quite understood the true nature of God.
Far too often, I’ve let my own limiting beliefs about myself inform the version of God I worship, and therefore limit my understanding of who God is, how much He loves me, and the role He can play in my life. In a lot of ways, I’ve realized I’ve been worshipping a false God—a God I created in my mind.
At times, I haven’t felt fully equal to men in the Church, so I have worshipped a God who values men more than women.
When I was in young single adult wards for 11 years, I felt othered and without a role to play in the Church, so I worshipped a God who values married people more than single people.
When I’ve felt that my callings in the Church weren’t prestigious or my talents weren’t being used, I’ve worshipped a God who doesn’t see my divine potential.
When I’ve assumed that God is disappointed in me if I don’t live up to the commandments and my covenants with exactness, I’ve worshipped a transactional God who is taking thorough notes of every misstep.
When I’ve felt like my prayers aren’t being answered and God is not present in my life, I’ve worshipped a God who is disengaged and disinterested in me.
What the Scriptures and Church Leaders Clarify About God’s Nature
Ironically, this distant, biased God I have often worshipped is in direct contrast to the God I have been taught to believe in. So who is God, really, and who is He not?
While this is a massive question with dozens of answers, I’ve found comfort in these powerful teachings from President Jeffrey R. Holland.
In regard to who God is not, President Holland said:
“God is not dead, and he is not an absentee landlord. God is not uncaring, or capricious, or cantankerous. Above all, he is not some sort of divine umpire trying to call us out at third base. … So much of what so many think about God (if they think about him at all) must make him weep.”
In regard to who God is, he said:
“Mercy is his mission, and love is his only labor.”
The scriptures echo this same truth. Alma 42:15 tells us that God is “a perfect, just God, and a merciful God also.” And 1 John 4:8 makes the answer simple: “God is love.”
How I Changed My Perception of God
The God I worship now is more loving, more compassionate, and more present than I could’ve ever imagined. But this shift in my perception did not happen overnight.
My journey to understanding the true nature of God may have started with this quote that has been attributed to Albert Einstein:
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
I had to start believing in a God of miracles who, as Elder Patrick Kearon said in his April 2024 general conference talk, is “in relentless pursuit of [us].”
When I gave myself permission to believe more fully in a divine, all-knowing, all-loving God, it was far easier to believe in my own divine identity as a daughter of that Creator.
This momentum helped me see a more loving God in my scripture study and diligently seek the companionship of the Holy Ghost to reveal His true nature. I took frequent pilgrimages to the quiet corners of celestial rooms and spent hours late-night journaling to slowly shift my perception of God from One who is in the clouds to One who walks beside me.
The God I worship now weeps when men and women are pitted against each other and sees my infinite potential as His daughter.
The God I worship now is not counting every misdeed but eagerly preparing to be my advocate.
The God I worship now is not dismissive of me but gently urges me to share my talents and chase my dreams.
Day by day, I have learned to be far more generous in my conception of who He is and the vision He has for my life—and all of our lives.
When I am struggling and questioning everything, I choose to worship a God who can handle my doubts and tenderly hold the longings of my heart. The sooner we stop worshipping a false God, the sooner we can receive the many miracles our true Father in Heaven is weaving into our everyday lives.
So, if the God you worship has any mission other than mercy and love, reintroduce yourself to Him, and watch the miracles that follow.
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