Help for Life Challenges

In honor of his final performance, Lloyd Newell’s advice on finding peace as a parent you’ve likely never heard

Screenshot 2024-06-12 152546.png
Lloyd Newell practices with The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square for the "Music and the Spoken Word" broadcast at the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City, Utah, on Sunday, Oct. 17, 2010.
Jeffrey D. Allred, Deseret News

This Sunday, June 16, 2024, will be Lloyd Newell’s last broadcast with the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square. Lloyd has been the executive producer, principal writer, and presenter of the weekly broadcast Music and the Spoken Word for the past 34 years. He will now depart to serve with his wife, Karmel Newell, as mission leaders in the California Los Angeles Mission.

► You may also like: ‘Music & the Spoken Word’ announcer Lloyd Newell to conclude his service with the Tabernacle Choir

In addition to writing for the weekly broadcast, Lloyd also authored a book called Habits of Holy Men, co-written with author Don H. Staheli. In the book, Newell offers beautiful thoughts on how patience can make all the difference in finding peace as a parent:

“The Epistle of James encourages us to ‘let patience have her perfect work’ (James 1:4). When it comes to our family relationships, even when we do our best to ‘train up a child in the way he should go,’ sometimes the promise that ‘he will not depart from it’ is not fulfilled until ‘he is old’ (Proverbs 22:6). Trying to shortcut this process of patient change by using coercion or undue pressure is like pulling on a sapling to get it to grow faster. Trees don’t grow that way, and neither do people.

“In our roles as fathers and as priesthood leaders, patience and kindness are always better than force and fury. When we expect too much and try too hard to change people, we show a lack of confidence and patience in the transforming power of God’s word and in the critical role of the Holy Ghost. Maybe that’s why ‘long-suffering’ comes right after ‘persuasion’ in the Lord’s formula for effective priesthood leadership (see Doctrine and Covenants 121:41). When we impatiently try to put another person’s growth on our schedule instead of theirs, we risk violating his or her agency, and we may be doing more harm than good.1

“Patience is the loving restraint with which we watch a child try a new task, and try again and again. Patience with others is a form of charity, a loving willingness to wait, to allow growth and change. Patience is holding back and waiting with love and compassion. When we show faith that improvement will come, children and loved ones can begin to blossom with hope. When we shed the love and light of sincere patience and compassion upon others, they can feel empowered to change for the better. Patience is giving power to others and letting them grow at their own pace.

“All beautiful gardens began as patches of soil, and became glorious only because someone was willing to wait and willing to nurture with love. No beautiful garden or masterpiece is ever created all at once, and none will ever thrive if neglected. So be thankful for the small successes, the simple joys, the good times, and even the hard times. Each one is another brushstroke, another stanza, another note toward the finished product. Each one gives us experience, teaches us, and strengthens us for what lies ahead.

“Life is a process of change and improvement: becoming a little kinder, a little better, a little holier. So be patient with the process in others and in yourself, and remember that each of us is a work in progress—a masterpiece in the making.

“Consider this wise counsel from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf: ‘God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal.’2 We need a broader perspective and more self-compassion as we work to become more patient. That also means that perhaps we need to ease up a little on ourselves. Expecting perfection right now—of ourselves and others—leads to frustration and discouragement.

“Nobel Prize winner Albert Einstein said of his work, ‘It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.’3 Patience doesn’t make the problems go away, but as we’ve all witnessed and experienced, there’s power in patience that makes us equal to the task. Like Einstein, lifelong learners and growers know that great patience is needed in their quest for learning and growth.

“True, we might not revolutionize the world with remarkable inventions or amazing achievements, but we can bless our posterity with an example of patience and perseverance, an attitude of devotion to principle, a desire to be true to the truth, a sincere yearning to be holy men of God. We might not achieve prominence in the eyes of the world, but we can conquer the natural man by patiently persevering in worthy causes. We can preside in our homes as honorable priesthood holders with love and righteousness. We thereby become, in time, the Master Potter’s greatest masterpiece.”

▶ You may also like: What’s an ‘Eben-ezer’? The true meaning behind 2 ‘Come, Thou Fount’ lyrics to comfort any wandering heart

Habits of Holy Men

Prominently displayed on the front of every LDS temple are the words, "Holiness to the Lord." The promise of holiness uplifts and enlivens. In a noisy, troubled world, holiness gives peace, purpose, and perspective that cannot be found in any other way. Habits of Holy Men explores what holiness means, why it is so vital, and how it can be attained. Selecting key habits of holiness found in scripture, this book examines each of these transformative habits and explains why they are so necessary in our modern world.

1. See Jeffrey S. O’Driscoll and Hal B Gregersen, “‘Persuasion and Love Unfeigned’: The Exercise of Agency, Influence, and Principle,” in Joseph and Hyrum—Leading as One, ed. Mark E. Mendenhall, Hal B Gregersen, Jeffrey S. O’Driscoll, Heidi S. Swinton, and Breck England (Provo, UT: Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University; Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2010), 21–42.

2. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Forget Me Not,” Ensign, Nov. 2011.

3. In Richard A. Singer Jr., Your Daily Walk with the Great Minds: Wisdom and Enlightenment of the Past and Present (Ann Arbor, MI: Loving Healing Press, 2006), 4.

Stay in the loop!
Enter your email to receive updates on our LDS Living content